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Should I keep this secret forever? Watch

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    So I've been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years now since I was 17. We've been together at school, uni and it's been a year since we left so it's got to the stage where we're starting to talk about getting married and although I'm really happy I've got this problem.

    When I was 18 and had just started uni we had a bit of a rough phase where my boyfriend got really jealous about all the attention I was getting and I started feeling restless about the fact that I felt like I was only going to be with this one person for my whole life. Anyway to cut a long story short one night when I was really drunk I slept with my best friend. I realised sleeping with other people was nothing special so it cured my restlessness and made me appreciate my relationship. We never told anybody. I didn't tell my boyfriend because I knew he would never trust me again and more importantly that it would destroy his faith in girls. My mistake, I should live with it.

    Which I've done. I've never done a thing wrong since and we have an amazing relationship. Obviously I felt guilty for a very very long time and I'll always regret doing it but it was a one off mistake and it probably stopped me making the mistake of leaving him at some point to see what being with other people was like.
    Anyway enough justification, you can't justify cheating.

    Question is, should I tell him? It was 4 years ago so I wonder whether it's best to let it lie. He's never going to find out. But sometimes I wonder whether I should just be really honest, especially now we're taking this big step, because if it was the other way round I would understand and forgive him. People make mistakes. But I'm worried it could completely screw up a great relationship. What do you think?
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    I don't see that it'd do much good. But if it'd help ease your conscience, and you think he'd understand, why not? And if you don't think he'd understand, why?
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    Can only ruin everything tbh.
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    dont tell him. you love him thats all that counts.
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    It'd ruin things...

    Granted, it's not exactly comfortable knowing that you are keeping a secret from someone that you feel you should completely open and honest to.
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    i cheated on my boyfriend, told him, and we are still together.
    but sometimes i still see the pain that i caused him and wish i had just never mentioned it.
    but at the same time it would have killed me to keep it a secret and im amazed you have for 4 years.
    telling him will only have one benefit, it will ease your guilty conscience and get it off your mind.
    but you will possibly if not probably lose your boyfriend. and even if you stay together you'll have to get used to seeing that hurt in him everytime he thinks of it.
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    Wow that sucks. It'd probably ruin everything but can you really live with that forever? It'd eat away at me for sure, marriage is meant to be completely honest with each other.
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    if it's just to ease your conscience then no, there's no point. You shouldn't let it hang over you for the rest of your life either cos you know in your heart that it meant nothing and will never happen again. It might be for the best anyway, better that you got it out the way back then and didn't do it when married
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    I wouldn't tell him tbh. But that's me. Can YOU live with knowing you're keeping that from him?
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    You should tell him.. well, really you should of told him much much sooner, but still..
    How can you be with someone who you say you 'love' knowing all the time that you ****** someone behind their back..
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    Do not tell him. Really no good can come from telling him, especially as it was as far as 4 years ago. He will always have that lingering feeling of doubt and mistrust and since you have not taken it a step further with the guy you slept with, I think it's safe to say that some things are best not spoken.
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    Whilst on the one hand, being open and honest is overrated and some things are better off not being mentioned, if I were him, I'd want to know. And then I'd break up with you for being a cheat. But that's just me.
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    (Original post by HotCoco.)
    Do not tell him. Really no good can come from telling him, especially as it was as far as 4 years ago. He will always have that lingering feeling of doubt and mistrust and since you have not taken it a step further with the guy you slept with, I think it's safe to say that some things are best not spoken.
    Ditto.
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    The time limit for telling someone THAT sort of info expired long ago, and can only cause heartbreak and distrust at not only the fact you cheated, but you didn't tell him about it for so long.

    Just put it behind you and know you'll never do it again.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I've been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years now since I was 17. We've been together at school, uni and it's been a year since we left so it's got to the stage where we're starting to talk about getting married and although I'm really happy I've got this problem.

    When I was 18 and had just started uni we had a bit of a rough phase where my boyfriend got really jealous about all the attention I was getting and I started feeling restless about the fact that I felt like I was only going to be with this one person for my whole life. Anyway to cut a long story short one night when I was really drunk I slept with my best friend. I realised sleeping with other people was nothing special so it cured my restlessness and made me appreciate my relationship. We never told anybody. I didn't tell my boyfriend because I knew he would never trust me again and more importantly that it would destroy his faith in girls. My mistake, I should live with it.

    Which I've done. I've never done a thing wrong since and we have an amazing relationship. Obviously I felt guilty for a very very long time and I'll always regret doing it but it was a one off mistake and it probably stopped me making the mistake of leaving him at some point to see what being with other people was like.
    Anyway enough justification, you can't justify cheating.

    Question is, should I tell him? It was 4 years ago so I wonder whether it's best to let it lie. He's never going to find out. But sometimes I wonder whether I should just be really honest, especially now we're taking this big step, because if it was the other way round I would understand and forgive him. People make mistakes. But I'm worried it could completely screw up a great relationship. What do you think?
    Ask yourself these questions.

    What have you got to gain?

    What have you got to lose?

    What is the most likely outcome?

    Sometimes you should let sleeping dogs lie. You know you have made a mistake and you will never do it again, maybe it is best that you know this and it's actually strengthened your relatisonship?

    If my gf told me four years after the event I'd finish her. Instantly.
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    If you think you can live with the guilt for the rest of your lives, then don't tell him. It happened a long time ago, and I'm gonna assume you didn't do it again.

    Nothing good will come from telling him now. Not after 4 years. Infact, he'll probably hate you more for keeping it secret for so long.
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    (Original post by The Socialite)
    The time limit for telling someone THAT sort of info expired long ago, and can only cause heartbreak and distrust at not only the fact you cheated, but you didn't tell him about it for so long.

    Just put it behind you and know you'll never do it again.
    That's a very good point.

    Usually I, and I think most people, would say that honesty is always the best policy etc etc, but it's so long ago now it's only really going to cause unnecessary hurt and annoyance for the fact you weren't honest from the start.

    I think you just have to put it behind you. Stop blaming yourself and forget it ever happened. That's the only way your both going to be happy.
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    I can understand why people would not want to tell after four years and it isn't a terrible option to not tell him but ultimately you have to think about your own happiness, you will have to live with this burden for the rest of your life, knowing the longer you leave it the harder it will be to tell him. It would also be detrimental to him if he does find out later in his life that the person he's been married to for 30 years had done this and he is left with the option of being with that person or being alone whereas if he was told now he would have options and would actually be choosing you rather than settling for you.

    It might be easier for you to decide if you imagined yourself in his situation, would you want to know or would you want it to be kept secret that he cheated on you once when he was 19?
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    (Original post by The Socialite)
    The time limit for telling someone THAT sort of info expired long ago, and can only cause heartbreak and distrust at not only the fact you cheated, but you didn't tell him about it for so long.

    Just put it behind you and know you'll never do it again.
    This.
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    Even if you tell him and you stay together the relationship will never be the same. Best to keep quiet and not ruin what you have.
 
 
 
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