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Am a virgin, and don't want my boyfriend to know watch

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    #1

    I am a 20 year old female, and have never had sex - partly through choice, partly through lack of opportunity. I'm now however in a relationship - not my first one, but the first one were we've discussed having sex. I want to, and god knows it's about time, but keep putting it off - I don't want him to know I'm a virgin.

    Please don't try and dissuade me on this - I know the whole 'be honest', 'he won't mind', 'he'd be flattered he's your first' mantra but in reality these statements are up there with the 'it's what's on the inside that counts' - nice thoughts, but in practice totally untrue. I would be very embarrassed, in fact humiliated, if he knew. I also want the whole experience to be casual, and if I say it's my first time he might make a big deal out of it.

    So how do I cover up? I've heard most girls bleed a little their first time; can I say I'm on my period or something? If I just play it by ear, and do what comes naturally, can I make it so it's not so obvious it's my first time?
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    I don't care if you don't want to be dissuaded, never mind the 'flattery' or whatever, how long have you been with this guy? He is your partner so obviously you intend to share some pretty intimate moments, feelings, and imply some sort of trust with one another.
    You owe it to him to tell him - its an incredibly personal thing that he'd be better off knowing for both your sakes when it comes to the experience. If I wasn't told by my partner it was their first time I'd be pretty pissed off tbh.
    I'd be interested to see if anyone thinks they've gotten away with the guy not knowing it was their first time - and, possibly even more remote, also enjoying the experience.
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    Arent you going to be gutted if hes HUGE! I think you should just tell him though (Y)
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    Just get him really really drunk. Failing that just man up and tell him ffs.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please don't try and dissuade me on this - I know the whole 'be honest', 'he won't mind', 'he'd be flattered he's your first' mantra but in reality these statements are up there with the 'it's what's on the inside that counts' - nice thoughts, but in practice totally untrue.
    I'm sorry, what? You're simply wrong there. He really won't mind. Really. Can't speak for whether he'll be "flattered", but most guys genuinely would be happier knowing you're a virgin.
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    Oh, also:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    can I say I'm on my period or something?
    No.
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    Yeah but at 20? Won't he think I'm really weird being a virgin at that age? I'm not even religious
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    (Original post by ThePants999)
    most guys genuinely would be happier knowing you're a virgin.
    Yeh i'd rather bone the Virgin Mary than Lisa Ann... Oh wait that's a bad example..

    Your point is correct though! Just tell him OP
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    I'd be far happier if my girlfriend was a virgin when we started going out.
    It'd make things more special.
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    I lost it to some guy I met at a party. (well, we did end up friends as it happens, but still I didn't know him at the time). I was 18 and really fancied him though, so wanted to do it and I had no hang ups about saving my virginity, this didn't mean anything to me.

    I didn't want to have to make the 'one night stand' situation awkward by telling him I was a virgin. So I just ****** him without telling him, and yeah I did bleed a bit.

    Thing is, a few years later I can see how silly and naive this attitude was... I should've told him because he obviously knew anyway afterwards. I think perhaps I would've not liked to have saved it, but definitely lost it to someone who was aware that I was doing so.

    I think there needs to be a point in your life where you have to drop the phoniness and just be honest with yourself and people around you. This is definitely one of those times and maybe you can learn something from it. It's ok to be imperfect and not perfect (whatever your personal image of perfect might be) and let people see that because that is what can allow people to love you. Be honest and brave.
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    There is a risk that he's going to feel your hymen breaking, or else wonder why you thought it was acceptable to have sex while on your period?
    I mean, if you do other stuff while on it, it won't seem strange, but I'm fairly sure [and hoping] that you don't, so he may find it a little odd that you didn't mention it or try to stop him.
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    Be honest with the dude, its hardly anything to be embarrassed about, he will be happy you were honest and probably try and make your first time special, honesty in this situation is the better policy.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah but at 20? Won't he think I'm really weird being a virgin at that age?
    Its hardly old, is it now. I lost mine when I was nearly 19, and, had I waited a month later, it would have been with the person I'm with now.
    What should be great about this whole thing, is not just that you've chosen to wait till it suited you and not anyone else, but that you have the confidence to tell your partner this. He will feel more respect for you after letting him know, instead of finding out afterwards and wondering why you didn't tell him, and then feel let down because you didn't feel it was important for him to know.
    You want to have sex with him - He shouldn't have a problem with it at all!
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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Look, thanks for the replies, but I definitely definitely would rather he did not know - for one thing we haven't been going out that long; if he relationship was to go further and become more permanent then I would tell him, but right now I don't want him to know. It may sound odd, but I just love my boyfriend and want to have sex with him - and I want to have sex with him without exploding it into some huge big deal - my first time, etc. If he were to find out it was my first time (for him, it would definitely be not), he probably wouldn't mind, but I would - I would feel like the inferior person in the relationship, the person with less experience, dependent on him (not least, dependent on him not to tell anyone else). It's not that I don't trust him on this- it's that I couldn't bear the feeling of dependence.

    The point I'm trying to make is that there are many, complicated reasons, not all of which I'm going to share on tsr, why I don't want him to know - or know right now at any rate. Which is why I asked in my first post not to be dissuaded from this. Can I perhaps please have some responses to the question I actually asked - namely, whether what I want to do is actually possible. Bear in mind I'm a quick learner.
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    BE HONESTTTTT --- im a boy ---- my girlfriend was in the EXACT same possition as you but she decided to lie.

    BUTTTT.... about 8 months later, I found out the truth and we nearly broke up ---- you shouldnt lie about such things.
    ON TOP OF IT ALL, ALOTTTT of guys would actually prefer a V
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by *Star*Guitar*)
    Its hardly old, is it now. I lost mine when I was nearly 19, and, had I waited a month later, it would have been with the person I'm with now.
    What should be great about this whole thing, is not just that you've chosen to wait till it suited you and not anyone else, but that you have the confidence to tell your partner this. He will feel more respect for you after letting him know, instead of finding out afterwards and wondering why you didn't tell him, and then feel let down because you didn't feel it was important for him to know.
    You want to have sex with him - He shouldn't have a problem with it at all!

    This is right.


    And from what viewpoint are you considering this all from? It's simply you and your boyfriend and intimacy. There isn't going to be a group of your peers surrounding your bed and laughing. By being honest and by losing your virginity to him you can only become more close. You won't regret telling him.
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    on top of everything --- as a boy ,,
    its EXTREMELY easy to tell whether a girl is a V or not -- trust me-- specially when your 20 !!!
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Look, thanks for the replies, but I definitely definitely would rather he did not know - for one thing we haven't been going out that long; if he relationship was to go further and become more permanent then I would tell him, but right now I don't want him to know. It may sound odd, but I just love my boyfriend and want to have sex with him - and I want to have sex with him without exploding it into some huge big deal - my first time, etc. If he were to find out it was my first time (for him, it would definitely be not), he probably wouldn't mind, but I would - I would feel like the inferior person in the relationship, the person with less experience, dependent on him (not least, dependent on him not to tell anyone else). It's not that I don't trust him on this- it's that I couldn't bear the feeling of dependence.

    The point I'm trying to make is that there are many, complicated reasons, not all of which I'm going to share on tsr, why I don't want him to know - or know right now at any rate. Which is why I asked in my first post not to be dissuaded from this. Can I perhaps please have some responses to the question I actually asked - namely, whether what I want to do is actually possible. Bear in mind I'm a quick learner.
    Frankly, you're almost guaranteed to be quite lousy - it's usually painful. So even if you manage to trick him into thinking you're on your period I imagine your lack of skills or enjoyment will make it obvious.

    Putting it another way, if you're so concerned about his opinion to the point of deception, would you rather he think you're a lousy **** or a virgin?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Can I perhaps please have some responses to the question I actually asked - namely, whether what I want to do is actually possible. Bear in mind I'm a quick learner.
    The dependence way of looking at things is weird to say the least - which makes me wonder how this will pan out, but to answer your question;

    If you've broken your hymen, thats one issue down.

    If you don't bleed straight away, then great. If you bleed afterwards but you're still going to be in bed together, then you'll have to cover up the fact you're in bed with underwear on (don't use a tampon for the bleeding, it won't be heavy enough, you'll need a pantyliner probably).

    You'll have to explain why you don't want to do it again straight away if he's up for more soon afterwards (chances are you will be in too much pain to go for it again so soon)

    You'll have to be confident enough to say you're in charge of how things go instead of seeing how it goes - making sure you're in a comfortable position and he's not rushing.
    He may get suspicions from this, in which case-
    You put up with a ******** of pain.

    Or tell him beforehand.
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    Completely honestly: I cannot imagine how any man would think less of you for not having had sex, and I know many would probably be quite happy about it.
 
 
 
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