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Am a virgin, and don't want my boyfriend to know watch

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    OP you won't be able to fake your first time. It's 99% likely you'll find it painful and he will just be able to tell from your body language or w/e. Just follow everyone's advice and tell him, your actually making it a bigger deal than it really is.
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    (Original post by morrrteza)
    BE HONESTTTTT --- im a boy ---- my girlfriend was in the EXACT same possition as you but she decided to lie.

    BUTTTT.... about 8 months later, I found out the truth and we nearly broke up ---- you shouldnt lie about such things.
    ON TOP OF IT ALL, ALOTTTT of guys would actually prefer a V
    why would you fall out..surely she didnt lie just didnt tell you?

    to the girl who started this thread...he probably will be able to tell your a virgin but why does it matter if he can tell...its his choice afterwards whether to bring it up or not..?
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    How sad that you should feel this way, you should be proud to be a virgin not feel you have to hide it. This is what is wrong in our society - other society's girls would be proud. If your guy is a decent guy he will be honoured that you find him so special. Stand up and be proud and maybe other girls might feel the same way
    • #8
    #8

    Please OP.

    I know you didn't ask for it but the advice of the posters here is genuine and good. There is no reason to lie about your virginity.

    What is this big divide between virgins and non-virgins anyway? It's an imaginary divide, there is no magic personality change upon insertion of a penis.

    Seriously, you are a person. People are complex and they are not defined by their sexual experience. If you're boyfriend likes you, he won't care (in fact I rather suspect that he will be pleased).

    You first time doesn't have to hurt. Mine didn't. But I suspect you are setting yourself up for a bad experience if your boyfriend doesn't know to take care, and you are lying there terrified he will "find out".


    If you lie to him:
    a) He will find out in all likelihood, during or after sex. If he doesn't you're going to have to keep it a secret for how long? Fabricate previous lovers for how long?
    b) He will be sad that you think so little of him as to be too frightened to tell him about this
    c) He will feel betrayed, and perhaps even question if you just used him to lose your virgnity - as well as questioning whether he can trust you
    d) He will probably feel guilty, because he might have been more careful or more patient if he had known you were a virgin - when he finds out he will likely assume that your first time was painful (even if it wasn't) and this is his fault because he wasn't slow and careful.
    • #8
    #8

    Not to mention that in the future, when you are with him .. that you were a virgin the first time will be literally insignificant. You'll probably laugh at yourself for being so anxious about it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Look, thanks for the replies, but I definitely definitely would rather he did not know - for one thing we haven't been going out that long; if he relationship was to go further and become more permanent then I would tell him, but right now I don't want him to know. It may sound odd, but I just love my boyfriend and want to have sex with him - and I want to have sex with him without exploding it into some huge big deal - my first time, etc. If he were to find out it was my first time (for him, it would definitely be not), he probably wouldn't mind, but I would - I would feel like the inferior person in the relationship, the person with less experience, dependent on him (not least, dependent on him not to tell anyone else). It's not that I don't trust him on this- it's that I couldn't bear the feeling of dependence.

    The point I'm trying to make is that there are many, complicated reasons, not all of which I'm going to share on tsr, why I don't want him to know - or know right now at any rate. Which is why I asked in my first post not to be dissuaded from this. Can I perhaps please have some responses to the question I actually asked - namely, whether what I want to do is actually possible. Bear in mind I'm a quick learner.
    Before you have sex use a dildo or vibe that is as big as an actual **** to prepare you so to speak. Watch some porn (women orientated is usually more realistic) if you need to know what to do.
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    I totally agree with everyone who says tell him - but that would make me a hypocrite, as I didn't tell my boyfriend it was my first time when we had sex.

    I did tell him straight afterwards though - it was somehow so much easier when we were lying in bed after, all cuddled up and stuff, I reckon he probably knew, so I just came out with it and was like 'Guess what..'. He wasn't upset, he was just like 'You silly thing, you should have told me' and we just cuddled up

    So if you physically can't tell him before, tell him straight after. Much easier, with all the love-homones rushing through you and feeling really connected with him. Plus, if you do bleed, it'd explain it...

    Ps. I didn't bleed or find it that painful, so whilst it may be, it's not for definites, so try not to worry!
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    (Original post by gilbo)
    Yeh i'd rather bone the Virgin Mary than Lisa Ann... Oh wait that's a bad example..

    Your point is correct though! Just tell him OP
    No it isn't, only inexperienced guys or creepy paedo types want to shag a virgin.
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    Don't watch porn to work out what to do... it's not realistic stuff.

    Anyway. I agree with almost everyone here - hell, I'm 20 and a virgin, it's no big deal.

    If you really don't want to tell him, make sure you're used to putting something penis-sized in there. Also, good idea to say you haven't had sex for a very long time so you won't be used to it and so he can't be rough. If you insist, you can always say that you had sex once, really drunk, ages ago, but it reeeeeeeally hurt, so you may not be broken through or something, so pretend you're a virgin, because you may as well be.

    But for goodness' sake... what about if he asks you to go and get checked at the GUM? You'd feel a bit weird then... if he ever has an std, you can say it wasn't you if you tell him you're virginal now! :p: I agree with whoever said that if you can't tell someone you're a virgin, you're not ready to have sex. There's no shame in it for goodness' sake.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please don't try and dissuade me on this - I know the whole 'be honest', 'he won't mind', 'he'd be flattered he's your first' mantra but in reality these statements are up there with the 'it's what's on the inside that counts' - nice thoughts, but in practice totally untrue.
    I don't think they are.
    Why do you think suicide bombers get 72 virgins in Heaven instead of 72 experienced hookers?

    Being a virgin is GOOD!


    It'd be like a guy saying "I've just met this girl, but I don't want her to know I have a six pack, what if she thinks it's weird?"
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    OP, I think you should tell him, but if you're adamant -

    I didn't bleed my first time - it was sore, a little tight and uncomfortable at first, but if my boyfriend hadn't known that I was a virgin there'd probably have been no reason for him to think that I was. Just play it by ear, although if he does end up finding out he'd probably have rather known beforehand...

    Hope everything goes ok OP x
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    OP, you are an idiot.

    Of course he will be able to tell it's your first time.

    Firstly, he will note that you are very tight. He'll think it's a good thing, but you'll be in agony - which he will probably also notice. There is a chance you might bleed, in which case saying "I'm on my period" is NOT okay... he might find it disgusting and ask why you didn't warn him, who knows.

    Secondly, once he's in, chances are you'll still be in a state of mild to extreme discomfort/pain, and he'll be thrusting away as normal, causing more pain. You wouldn't enjoy it very much, and he'd think either he's bad or you're just crap at sex.


    If you tell him, he will probably find it sweet. You can ask him to teach you, or whatever, in which case he'll be gentle, and you will both enjoy it. Make it a memory to treasure, if not for him then at least for you. Not a ****** night of dodging questions and fighting pain
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    I have several friends who have managed to conceal the fact that they are virgins when they lost their virginity but these were always, always on one night stands. I can't imagine that it would be easy to hide that you're a virgin when having sex for the first time with someone who genuinely cares about you and wants to make you happy in bed.

    The truth is, if you hide the fact that you are a virgin, your boyfriend will assume he can go ahead as usual and do what he would normally do to make it feel best for him and to make his partner orgasm. This, for your first time, will be so SO painful. Every girl is different, but personally I couldn't have sex for that long the first time because it really hurt. It just felt uncomfortable and I bled a bit afterwards (most girls have similar experiences to this, if not more painful).

    If you want to try and pass off your hymen breaking as your period coming early then you can do that if you want. But if your boyfriend really is experienced then he will probably be able to tell the difference afterwards and wonder why you didn't tell him. It will be painful for you and you probably won't be very good because of this - why would you prefer he thoguht you were bad in bed rather than a virgin?

    Lastly, you're saying that you want it to be "normal" and "casual" but your first time will always hurt more than any other time. You can't make it completely normal and I don't really know why you would want to. Just tell your boyfriend - you don't have to make a big deal out of it, just if you think you're about to have sex just tell him "i've never done this before but I don't want to be an issue okay".

    If you have avoided losing your virginity until now, I don't see why you would want to not tell your boyfriend. If he finds out he'll be angry at himself for not noticing or realising and will feel like you've tricked him, and that he's missed out on something. If you don't trust him enough to tell him youre a virgin, why would you want to, after saving it for someone important, lose your virginity with him?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am a 20 year old female, and have never had sex - partly through choice, partly through lack of opportunity. I'm now however in a relationship - not my first one, but the first one were we've discussed having sex. I want to, and god knows it's about time, but keep putting it off - I don't want him to know I'm a virgin.

    Please don't try and dissuade me on this - I know the whole 'be honest', 'he won't mind', 'he'd be flattered he's your first' mantra but in reality these statements are up there with the 'it's what's on the inside that counts' - nice thoughts, but in practice totally untrue. I would be very embarrassed, in fact humiliated, if he knew. I also want the whole experience to be casual, and if I say it's my first time he might make a big deal out of it.

    So how do I cover up? I've heard most girls bleed a little their first time; can I say I'm on my period or something? If I just play it by ear, and do what comes naturally, can I make it so it's not so obvious it's my first time?
    i'm gonna go ahead and say a big dildo would help out here
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    If you end up being together for any significant amount of time it'll become more and more difficult to act like you've been with other people- conversations about sex will inevitably happen. Plus, you'll be clueless and he's likely to notice. Just tell him, it's seriously fine!
    • #9
    #9

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am a 20 year old female, and have never had sex - partly through choice, partly through lack of opportunity. I'm now however in a relationship - not my first one, but the first one were we've discussed having sex. I want to, and god knows it's about time, but keep putting it off - I don't want him to know I'm a virgin.

    Please don't try and dissuade me on this - I know the whole 'be honest', 'he won't mind', 'he'd be flattered he's your first' mantra but in reality these statements are up there with the 'it's what's on the inside that counts' - nice thoughts, but in practice totally untrue. I would be very embarrassed, in fact humiliated, if he knew. I also want the whole experience to be casual, and if I say it's my first time he might make a big deal out of it.

    So how do I cover up? I've heard most girls bleed a little their first time; can I say I'm on my period or something? If I just play it by ear, and do what comes naturally, can I make it so it's not so obvious it's my first time?
    Honestly, just tell him. I told mine and he actually said he found it more of a concern that I thought he'd mind, than the fact that I was..

    And he actually may have guessed, cos this was pretty much the case for me too.
    • #10
    #10

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah but at 20? Won't he think I'm really weird being a virgin at that age? I'm not even religious
    20 isn't that old. There's someone round here who lost it at 23, so meh. Like others have said, he'd probably prefer you being a virgin, you'll learn your technique in time, and it's probably better than being a teen slut with a bucket vagina, lol.
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    I never bled and it didn't hurt when I lost mine but strangely when I had sex with a boyfriend for the first time i bled a lot afterwards, so he thought I had lied about it :/
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Can I perhaps please have some responses to the question I actually asked - namely, whether what I want to do is actually possible. Bear in mind I'm a quick learner.
    Well, to rid yourself of any potential bleeding problems... its possible to use a toy, particularly if it has different size functions, to build yourself up to the point where it wont hurt so much...

    and if you have been drinking a little then you can always blame the booze if your movement isnt entirely perfect...
    and if hes had a little to drink then maybe he wont notice or care?!
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    Imagine his reaction when you tell him that you potentially want him to be the person you lose your virginity to. MIght just make his day/evening :P Tell him.
 
 
 
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