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Am a virgin, and don't want my boyfriend to know watch

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    Tell him. I'm sure he'll prefer to know, rather than being kept in the dark. I plan on telling my (potential) boyfriend when I have sex for the first time :yep: I'm 22
    • #13
    #13

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am a 20 year old female, and have never had sex - partly through choice, partly through lack of opportunity. I'm now however in a relationship - not my first one, but the first one were we've discussed having sex. I want to, and god knows it's about time, but keep putting it off - I don't want him to know I'm a virgin.
    (anon as girl in question is on TSR)

    Just tell him. I dated a 25 year old girl who was a virgin, she didn't tell me until literally the last moment (as in condom on ready to go), and had been faking it until then.

    It's not a issue unless you make it one.

    Imagine how he'll feel if you doesn't find out until afterwards ? - it could destroy your relationship.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah but at 20? Won't he think I'm really weird being a virgin at that age? I'm not even religious
    I don't know how many times I've said that you being a virgin really is as big a deal as YOU make it, not anyone else. Nobody's going to care that you're a virgin unless you really make it obvious that you care - which you have - and I'm pretty sure guys rather have virgins than sluts.
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    Everyone is right about telling him. If you stick with your idea then he'll think you're really rubbish in bed because you won't really know what to do. Plus it might hurt. I suppose if you bleed you could say he's bigger than your ex, but don't say you're on your period, he'll be grossed out!
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    If he's a decent guy he's not going to hold this against you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am a 20 year old female, and have never had sex - partly through choice, partly through lack of opportunity. I'm now however in a relationship - not my first one, but the first one were we've discussed having sex. I want to, and god knows it's about time, but keep putting it off - I don't want him to know I'm a virgin.

    Please don't try and dissuade me on this - I know the whole 'be honest', 'he won't mind', 'he'd be flattered he's your first' mantra but in reality these statements are up there with the 'it's what's on the inside that counts' - nice thoughts, but in practice totally untrue. I would be very embarrassed, in fact humiliated, if he knew. I also want the whole experience to be casual, and if I say it's my first time he might make a big deal out of it.

    So how do I cover up? I've heard most girls bleed a little their first time; can I say I'm on my period or something? If I just play it by ear, and do what comes naturally, can I make it so it's not so obvious it's my first time?
    You sound a lot like me to be honest. I defiantly know where you’re coming from in the parts I highlighted, but in this case honesty REALLY is the best policy. Im sure he won’t mind ‘showing you the ropes’ so to speak . It doesn’t have to be serious, it can be casual, but by telling him it will just mean he will be gentler to start of with.

    I actually had a conversation with some guy friends recently about sex and girls etc, and they honestly told me they prefer virgins as ‘there is nothing to compare to’ (apparently guys are just as nervous as we are when it comes down to it).

    You shouldn’t feel embarrassed about being a virgin, 20 is still very young and there is no ‘set time’ for this kind of thing. If you feel embarrassed about telling him you’re a virgin, it kind of says to me that you don’t trust this guy enough? Afterall, you will be bearing EVERYTHING to him.

    As for it hurting, a lot of my friends have been in steady relationships for a while and told me it is more of an uncomfortable feeling than actual pain, but your body adjusts to it after a few minutes. So, I wouldn’t let that worry you .

    Some girls bleed, some don’t. But chances are there will be a little bit. So if you don’t tell him he WILL know. I think this way of him finding out is embarrassing. Talking to him shows maturity, and that your ready to things to that next level.

    Really hope it works out! x
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    May I add that I know at least 4 girls older than me at uni who're also virginal and all that? It's not as rare as you think, and none of them are saving it for a religious reason.

    Also, bare in mind that this is the people I know well enough to have this conversation with - there could easily be a lot more - and I'm a third year.

    No one should judge you on your sexual history - it's yours and your choice. However many or few people you've had sexy times with, if it's been ethical no one should ever criticise you for your behaviour.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'd be far happier if my girlfriend was a virgin when we started going out.
    It'd make things more special.
    This, you're going to get this x20309 OP. Plus it's best to be honest.
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    u neefd to tell him, not for his sakes but ur own. He might hurt you or go far too fast and then what u cry in pain then tell him....what a desastar in my books...i was 20 and i told my bf and he was so kind and in a way gladand thought it was amazing...didnt jump and go wild with romantic gestures and in the end was nice. Maybe ur scared of a bit or romance thats how its ment to be , not all this lying and stupid ways to con him. whos to say u dont tell him and down the limne u split up and u tell him and he dosent beleve you and your left feeling a stupid and b hurt . my advice tell him and soon
    • #14
    #14

    Just out of curiosity, guys why would you be so angry if a girl didnt tell you she was a virgin?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Just out of curiosity, guys why would you be so angry if a girl didnt tell you she was a virgin?
    I guess because they would feel as if she didn't trust them? Or that they feel annoyed that the girl would think it would matter to them - as if the girl thinks he is shallow or only after one thing? OR even just that they've been robbed of a chance to spare a special moment with the person they like/love?

    Could be any of those, I reckon. I know I'd feel the same other way about.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please don't try and dissuade me on this - I know the whole 'be honest', 'he won't mind', 'he'd be flattered he's your first' mantra but in reality these statements are up there with the 'it's what's on the inside that counts' - nice thoughts, but in practice totally untrue. I would be very embarrassed, in fact humiliated, if he knew.
    You really don't actually know men that well by the sounds of things.
    I'd laugh so much if he was a virgin too and he confessed before you did.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am a 20 year old female, and have never had sex - partly through choice, partly through lack of opportunity. I'm now however in a relationship - not my first one, but the first one were we've discussed having sex. I want to, and god knows it's about time, but keep putting it off - I don't want him to know I'm a virgin.

    Please don't try and dissuade me on this - I know the whole 'be honest', 'he won't mind', 'he'd be flattered he's your first' mantra but in reality these statements are up there with the 'it's what's on the inside that counts' - nice thoughts, but in practice totally untrue. I would be very embarrassed, in fact humiliated, if he knew. I also want the whole experience to be casual, and if I say it's my first time he might make a big deal out of it.

    So how do I cover up? I've heard most girls bleed a little their first time; can I say I'm on my period or something? If I just play it by ear, and do what comes naturally, can I make it so it's not so obvious it's my first time?
    If you don't tell him you're going to be lying there like screaming in pain which will only make him think he's making you happy which will lead to more "OWW" but yeh, he's gonna find out whether you tell him or not, so you might as well just tell him, tbh he will appreciate it more than if you lie and say "oh yeh dw i've done it before loads"
    • #15
    #15

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Please don't try and dissuade me on this - I know the whole 'be honest', 'he won't mind', 'he'd be flattered he's your first' mantra but in reality these statements are up there with the 'it's what's on the inside that counts' - nice thoughts, but in practice totally untrue. I would be very embarrassed, in fact humiliated, if he knew. I also want the whole experience to be casual, and if I say it's my first time he might make a big deal out of it.

    If you can't be honest and say you are a virgin, should you be having sex with him? What's a little embarressment? I'm nearly 20 and just lost my virginity. It was completely out of choice. I'm even the last one in all of my group of friends to lose my virginity. Yes, I was embarressed when I told him at first but he honoured my choice and told me he'd wait till I'm ready. Nearly a year on and it happened & I'm still glad I waited. Just talk to him about it, he won't make a big deal out of it. Yes he might fret he's going to hurt you. But if he's not going to stand by your choices, he's not worth it.
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    (Original post by Ilora-Danon)
    Firstly, sex is messy. When I lost my virginity, whilst it was such an amazing experience to be with someone I truly cared about and who cared about me, it was extremely painful and I bled. I was 'sore' for a good 24 hours afterwards and sitting down in jeans was particularly uncomfortable!

    There's no way in hell I'd have gone through all that with someone who didn't know I was a virgin. I can't begin to imagine how much it would have hurt if he hadn't been so considerate and gentle with me.

    Think about it - you're having sex with him and he doesn't know you're a virgin, so he goes at it like a jack hammer and you may well end up in tears because of the pain and him thinking he's done something wrong. Try to explain that one!
    Facts in bold above.

    It's going to hurt., you'll be sodding tight, unless you've widened yourself with a dildo. but before you've had sex? That's just wierd..
    He'll probably screw you fairly slowly at first cos he'll want to be intimate, but soon he'll be pounding away. My first time (and hers), I could hardly get it in her, and had to stop after about 30 secs cos of the pain (for her).
    Also, you are being a bit of a ***** about this. Relationships are two-way. I'd feel really hurt and betrayed if my gf didn't tell me about something as piffling as their virginity.
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    If he's a decent guy, it really won't matter.
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    Why is everyone trying to scare her by telling her it's going to hurt? First-time sex doesn't hurt for everyone. :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Pink Bullets)
    Why is everyone trying to scare her by telling her it's going to hurt? First-time sex doesn't hurt for everyone. :rolleyes:
    No one's trying to scare her, we're just being realistic. Chances are that it may well hurt. She'd be better off telling her boyfriend JUST IN CASE it does hurt.
    • #16
    #16

    I was 20 when I lost my virginity to my boyfriend, just like you OP. I'd been seeing him for a few weeks and when we were making out in bed one day and it was clear we were going to have sex for the first time I just said "I should tell you I'm not very experienced at this" (or something like that) and he got what I was saying and was cool about it, eveything went ahead fine. He was glad I told him, and it made things better because he could help me out and he was so nice and understanding. I was worried about telling him as well, since he's a lot more experienced than me and I thought I was too old to be a virgin, but I'm so glad I did. I know he didn't think less of me because of it or make it into a big deal.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am a 20 year old female, and have never had sex - partly through choice, partly through lack of opportunity. I'm now however in a relationship - not my first one, but the first one were we've discussed having sex. I want to, and god knows it's about time, but keep putting it off - I don't want him to know I'm a virgin.

    Please don't try and dissuade me on this - I know the whole 'be honest', 'he won't mind', 'he'd be flattered he's your first' mantra but in reality these statements are up there with the 'it's what's on the inside that counts' - nice thoughts, but in practice totally untrue. I would be very embarrassed, in fact humiliated, if he knew. I also want the whole experience to be casual, and if I say it's my first time he might make a big deal out of it.

    So how do I cover up? I've heard most girls bleed a little their first time; can I say I'm on my period or something? If I just play it by ear, and do what comes naturally, can I make it so it's not so obvious it's my first time?
    well even if you didnt bleed or tell him anything, hed guess because 1. it would hurt (and youd show it, dont argue) and 2. excuse the graphic language but he'd have to go 'up' there inch by inch sloowly..

    so just tell him. it IS a big deal at any age whether you like it or not, deal with it.
 
 
 
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