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    It's now 2nd term that we are in and what I've found is that (generally speaking) people build their social circles around their flatmates. I think what I find is that there are flats who go out and meet other people seeing as numerous numbers would know others, and then they go from there and widen their social circle.

    Unfortunately for me I got stuck in an all boys flat of which for every 1 English boy there are 5 international boys. As you can understand I am sure, these internationals are generally speaking unsociable and just keep themselves to themselves. In addition, some of these guys are final and 2nd years! Fun eh, even more fun when you see Facebook pictures of about 11 English lads all on the same floor having a ball.

    Anyways my point is does anyone else find that their social life is crap and ruined, almost as if it can never be ok again because of the awful dynamics in their flat? I mean I was lucky enough to make mates just below me but they don't go out often and I only like a couple of them. That's literally like my only genuine group of mates who I can ring up and feel comfortable in asking if they want to go out somewhere.

    I just find there's no real other way of making mates, of whom you could go out with regularly and enjoy the company of. Societies (at my Uni anyways) are certainly not a way of making friends, they are a way of making 'pals' that you know of that just nod to each other when you pass by. When 300 people are sitting in my lecture hall, well I don't know abuot you but I don't see how to really make friends in there and regardless noone makes 'friends' in there. Tutorials remind me of school ... although noone talks in tutorials.

    And I am really not sure if there is any point in moving now, because I have good mates below as I said and know a few people around so maybe things could develop still but also everyone already has their next year flatmates so not sure if the benefits are beneficial enough. But I'm findign University to be a thoroughly depressing experience because of everything people, not being able to meet more or new people and make proper mates.

    So ye, does anybody else feel like their Uni social life is over forever already, because of the crap dynamics in their flat?
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    Yeh kinda. And people are gonna ***** and whine at you to make friends elsewhere, but guys it can be hard when you don't already have that inner circle.

    I'm with you Maestro, it's hard but you have to push yourself harder. Try and make friends on your course as you instantly have things in common. Join some clubs and societies. It ******* difficult to break into a different inner circle but don't give up man.
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    Your first sentence hits the nail on the head. When you already have a load of sociable English people on your floor, it makes everything 10 times easier, let alone mixed sex. That already gives you a base. Christ I'd kill to have something like that, I'd ******* let a guy jizz on my face if I had to. Unfortunately for me the other 2 English boys on my floor, are absolute tossers, it actually sickens me to think how **** they are as people.

    I'm trying to push myself harder, but what does that involve? I go out as much as I can but it just ain't happening.

    Like I've already said and infact I almost don't get it, meeting friends on your course? There's like 300 odd in my lecture halls and most people sat down are with their flatmates usually, and then if not with other friends. To turn up on my own and sit down by strangers and start chatting to them takes serious balls IMO. And you can't just all of a sudden make friends with them there and then.

    Clubs and societies are't working either, joined 3 and they are all actually horrifically bad socially.

    And that's the thing I feel like giving up because just looking at everything and all the factors, I haven't got a very good chance of turning things around.
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    Your situation sounds a lot like mine tbh! Do you have tutor groups? That helped me a lot because in my tutor group are some cool people and we have all tutorials/labs and **** together so it worked out. Maybe try talking to people in your tutorials... I no no one speak... so that will make you stand out, look interesting and people will want to talk to you.

    "most people sat down are with their flatmates usually" this is a real ******* bind but its what happens unfortunately.

    Other option is in 300 people there is gonna be another person in a similar situation. Find someone in the lecture theatre who is on there own and sit with them, try and spark a conversation.
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    ye I have tutorials, definitely possible to talk to people but yes again not easy and I tend to come in on the dot so everyone starts to work. I have a few friends in tutorials but again becuase of a lack of regular interaction as tutorials have diffent mixes of people and are irregular, they are just 'pals'.
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    Maybe you are joing the wrong societies, because most socities are drinking clubs; if the society isnt doing its job then you need to leave.
    Your roomates are not responsible for your social life, so its up to you to fix up..
    It certainly CAN be difficult making new friends, .
    The best way to improve your social life is to invite people to your flat.
    Also bring vodka to all the pre-going out. You'll always be popular.

    My guess, at home you always phone someone/people to find out what they are doing that night and you go along with them. But since they are not there anymore more, you finding things a bit difficult.

    This IS going to SOUND cynical and manipulative but thats what actually happens in the real world.

    In a group/circle they is always the "leader/s" .. Try to befriend those from as many groups as possible and introduce them to each other and you become a connector not a follower (thats how club promoters work).

    If you befriend "others" in the group, you are subconsciously viewed as a rival by the leader ( for taking my friend) meaning chances of actually forming successful friendships with those "other" people are slim.
    Hence you have to befriend the leaders, because the friend of the leader is thus accepted as PART of the group.
    I dont mean to go out look for the leaders and stalk them, but learn to identfy the leaders and interact with them instead of the other people in the group. To add leaders are also great because they are good at getting people together including yourself, hence they are the leaders.
    The majority of people do this subconsciously but some people need a little help.
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    Not much social life = Buy a BMW sooner
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    The only thing you can do is turn these 'pals' into proper friends. I really didn't have much in common with my flat mates so that's what I had to do, it's really hard to just force yourself to be social but it works! I just spoke to people that looked decent and asked if they were going out that evening and if they wanted to have pre-drinks together, then from there got their numbers and arranged to do things.
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    (Original post by Maestro*)
    ye I have tutorials, definitely possible to talk to people but yes again not easy and I tend to come in on the dot so everyone starts to work. I have a few friends in tutorials but again becuase of a lack of regular interaction as tutorials have diffent mixes of people and are irregular, they are just 'pals'.
    What uni are you at?
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    In four years I have not once built my social circle around my flat mates.
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    Yeh your never likely to get a good flatmates. I only liked one flatmate that I had in my entire time at uni and even then they were still a bit weird.

    I met all my friends at uni and placement.

    Are you not friends with anyone on your course?
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    I don't really hang out with my flatmates or classmates much anymore, 'cause my flatmates all have their own groups or partners who ALWAYS visit, and the people in my tutor group who I hung out with are- with no better word to use- quite dickish...

    Luckily I joined a a sports society (and some other societies that don't meet up often) and we have training and go out once or twice a week as a group.

    I'm a very socially effed up person, but I found it quite easy to make friends in societies, maybe it was because most of the people at the time were new and didn't know anyone either...
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    (Original post by ranbow99)
    What uni are you at?
    high unlikely to be the same one as you, let's put it that way! :yep: or why don't you tell me what uni you're at :cool:
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    (Original post by hellohello.)
    Yeh your never likely to get a good flatmates. I only liked one flatmate that I had in my entire time at uni and even then they were still a bit weird.

    I met all my friends at uni and placement.

    Are you not friends with anyone on your course?

    No, not really. This is something I really do not get. As I've mentioned I have 300 odd + in my lectures and most people tend to know each other already, often through being flatmates etc. I don't know why but I feel uncomfortable approaching random people in there. I much prefer going in with a mate and sitting right at the back so that ew can leave if it gets too boring.

    I never see people just randomly sitting by others and talking yet so many people on here for example seem to think you can get mates from your course but I just don't see the real opportunity for it.

    Don't get me wrong, I certainyl know some people on my course, through tutorials and other means of meeting people but not through lecture halls.
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    (Original post by Maestro*)
    No, not really. This is something I really do not get. As I've mentioned I have 300 odd + in my lectures and most people tend to know each other already, often through being flatmates etc. I don't know why but I feel uncomfortable approaching random people in there. I much prefer going in with a mate and sitting right at the back so that ew can leave if it gets too boring.

    I never see people just randomly sitting by others and talking yet so many people on here for example seem to think you can get mates from your course but I just don't see the real opportunity for it.

    Don't get me wrong, I certainyl know some people on my course, through tutorials and other means of meeting people but not through lecture halls.
    By the time you get to your final year you will know everyone.
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    (Original post by Maestro*)
    I'd ******* let a guy jizz on my face if I had to.
    the other 2 English boys on my floor, are absolute tossers

    Looks like that can be arranged

    but seriously, dont try and make it sound like English people are the only people who have a social life. It just makes you sound foolish.
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    My flat were a bunch of prats who i realised in November i didn't enjoy being around. So, i flung myself into the societies and my work. After the spring exams when loads of socials are planned is a really good time to get to know people. I've got friends now who i can ring and ask if they want to go to out and i made them at that kind of time. You've just got to get out there and start to get to know people. Take every opportunity you can to go somewhere. Also, bare in mind that you've only been at uni for a few months so of course you aren't going to have really good friends yet. So yeah, go out there and socialise a load at societies and in lectures and you'll find you come out of it with friends you didn't realise you'd made!
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    (Original post by Bslforever)
    Looks like that can be arranged

    but seriously, dont try and make it sound like English people are the only people who have a social life. It just makes you sound foolish.
    I'm not saying that. But being English how do you think I feel when the only people in my flat I ever see are Chinese, American, Nigerian and so on. These people don't exactly mix with the English. Infact I make an effort with internationals but they don't reciprocate, they seem to prefer to find their international friends.
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    I think the poster worded what he meant about only English people being sociable wrong. For example Chinese people are sociable but they are always in big groups of Chinese people. Irish people are of course sociable with anyone and British asians are highly sociable too.
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    (Original post by Maestro*)
    I'm not saying that. But being English Racist how do you think I feel when the only people in my flat I ever see are Chinese, American, Nigerian and so on. These people don't exactly mix with the English. Infact I make an effort with internationals but they don't reciprocate, they seem to prefer to find their international friends.

    Fixed.
 
 
 
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