Turn on thread page Beta

anyone else's social life crap because of flatmates? watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Bslforever)
    Fixed.

    sigh ... you can never win with some people.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Maestro*)
    sigh ... you can never win with some people.
    clearly.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    How can you blame your flat-mates for your bad social life? Sounds to me like you have to work on your social skills. You are incapable of approaching people, you have some pals but cannot turn them into friends... seems like you are expecting other people to beg for your friendship instead of taking the initiative yourself. Just invite some people over, out for drinks, have a movie night, play some games and make an effort to get to know them better. I am sorry none of your flatmates could be bothered to introduce you to society, but you are a grown-up now and sometimes will have to do things by yourself. And this will possibly include failure and rejection, but toughening up socially is one of the things you really want to learn before entering the adult world.

    Also, I cannot pity you for being in a flat with international students mostly. Getting to know people from different cultures is a wonderful opportunity for broadening your horizons. Take a little time and think how scary it must be for them to be in a foreign country and that it is only natural for them to initially be drawn mostly to the people in similar situations. Yes, there will be cultural differences, but we are all social beings in the end. I made many English friends while I was studying abroad in the UK & must admit I always feel somewhat hurt by attitudes like shown in the OP (because indeed, some English people can be rather unwelcoming).
    • PS Helper
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    PS Helper
    While I do generally get on with the people in my flat, they tend not to be the most sociable bunch...so yes, I am often stuck in the flat. Although with their company, so it doesn't make it so bad.

    Although I do have a group of friends outside my flat who I can go out with.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Maestro's not being racist, most asians, chinese, nigerians AND white people do usually stick to one another (not saying they don't make friends with anyone of another race, it's just they'll more likely have more friends of their own race). So it's hard to interact with internationals, equally so for internationals to interact with us so it's understandable.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I don't usually go out socially with my flatmates, rather with my coursemates. However I see your point about it being hard to make friends in lectures, since most of my lectures have forty or fifty people in at most and our language classes about ten or twelve. Do you have a JCR/social committee in your halls/flats? If so, see what events they are organising since they are likely to let you meet people from all the flats in your halls and not just yours.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Fand)
    How can you blame your flat-mates for your bad social life? Sounds to me like you have to work on your social skills. You are incapable of approaching people, you have some pals but cannot turn them into friends... seems like you are expecting other people to beg for your friendship instead of taking the initiative yourself. Just invite some people over, out for drinks, have a movie night, play some games and make an effort to get to know them better. I am sorry none of your flatmates could be bothered to introduce you to society, but you are a grown-up now and sometimes will have to do things by yourself. And this will possibly include failure and rejection, but toughening up socially is one of the things you really want to learn before entering the adult world.

    Also, I cannot pity you for being in a flat with international students mostly. Getting to know people from different cultures is a wonderful opportunity for broadening your horizons. Take a little time and think how scary it must be for them to be in a foreign country and that it is only natural for them to initially be drawn mostly to the people in similar situations. Yes, there will be cultural differences, but we are all social beings in the end. I made many English friends while I was studying abroad in the UK & must admit I always feel somewhat hurt by attitudes like shown in the OP (because indeed, some English people can be rather unwelcoming).
    So just because I don't like approaching people in lecture halls I apparently am incapable of approaching people! Thanks for that, complete idiot.

    Sounds like a bitter rant from an international who doesn't like the English ... aww didums
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I am moving halls next week. I'm a girl who just gets on with boys easier, girls to me are too complicated. So when I moved in and found EVERYONE on my floor is a girl I wasn't impressed. However, my best friend moved into the same halls as me, but shes turned out to love all the girls and i'm sorta left out all the time. I'm sorry I hate the x factor and don't worship Cheryl Cole..or motherflumping "Jedward"

    So i'm moving to a new building around from my old one(that is mixed thank christ). I've no idea what to say to the girls before I go though, i'll just look like a *****.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Fand)
    Also, I cannot pity you for being in a flat with international students mostly. Getting to know people from different cultures is a wonderful opportunity for broadening your horizons. Take a little time and think how scary it must be for them to be in a foreign country and that it is only natural for them to initially be drawn mostly to the people in similar situations. Yes, there will be cultural differences, but we are all social beings in the end. I made many English friends while I was studying abroad in the UK & must admit I always feel somewhat hurt by attitudes like shown in the OP (because indeed, some English people can be rather unwelcoming).
    You've obviously never lived in a flat with clique-y internationals. I live with 2 Chinese girls whose names I didn't even know until the 5th week of sharing a flat together! They always have their Chinese friends around to our flat, speak Chinese most of the time and pretty much ignored any efforts I made to bond with them.

    I also share with a girl from Cyprus, a Vietnamese girl and a girl from Kenya - all of whom are much more approachable and sociable but still prefer to hang around with international students who are from their own country than with me.

    I don't think you should judge someone until you've been in their shoes - being the only non-international in an international flat is sometimes very lonely and hard to bear! xx
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I agree there is nothing worse than Cheryl Cole.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Talking of names I still don't know any of the Chinese guys names!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Maestro*)
    So just because I don't like approaching people in lecture halls I apparently am incapable of approaching people! Thanks for that, complete idiot.

    Sounds like a bitter rant from an international who doesn't like the English ... aww didums
    You are completely in the wrong. I was trying to give you genuine advice and hope your social life will improve soon. I just think that you should take responsibility for it yourself. I'm sorry you cannot see that I'm trying to help you.

    I'm no longer an international, by the way, so your final remark doesn't make any sense. :p:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by blinkbelle)
    You've obviously never lived in a flat with clique-y internationals. I live with 2 Chinese girls whose names I didn't even know until the 5th week of sharing a flat together! They always have their Chinese friends around to our flat, speak Chinese most of the time and pretty much ignored any efforts I made to bond with them.

    I also share with a girl from Cyprus, a Vietnamese girl and a girl from Kenya - all of whom are much more approachable and sociable but still prefer to hang around with international students who are from their own country than with me.

    I don't think you should judge someone until you've been in their shoes - being the only non-international in an international flat is sometimes very lonely and hard to bear! xx
    Chinese people are not interested in any other race than their own at uni. I agree.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Maestro*)
    Talking of names I still don't know any of the Chinese guys names!
    I felt like saying something there, but there are too many people here who can't take a joke that in seriousness doesn't much, lighten up a bit even though it doesn't personally harm them at all, so I'll just leave it lol.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    There are crappy dynamics in my flat, (in a flat of 6 girls only 2/3 of us really talk to eachother!) but most of my friends are from my course/clubs & societies. I know it's hard, but why not go out with your coursemates more or join some clubs or whatever?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Maestro*)
    I'm not saying that. But being English how do you think I feel when the only people in my flat I ever see are Chinese, American, Nigerian and so on. These people don't exactly mix with the English. Infact I make an effort with internationals but they don't reciprocate, they seem to prefer to find their international friends.
    I am in a similar situation. There are 7 people in total in my flat: 5 1st year boys and 2 3rd year international girls. The girls totally keep to themselves, like I see them once a week. As for the guys, they're nice and friendly (although quite messy) but I don't really socialise with them as I get on better with girls and I'm much quieter. Luckily I've got a really great circle of friends from my course who are fantastic. But for one of my friends, her flat is like a family- they're all living together next year, and as well as that her entire block (5 other flats) all socialise together.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by blinkbelle)
    You've obviously never lived in a flat with clique-y internationals. I live with 2 Chinese girls whose names I didn't even know until the 5th week of sharing a flat together! They always have their Chinese friends around to our flat, speak Chinese most of the time and pretty much ignored any efforts I made to bond with them.

    I also share with a girl from Cyprus, a Vietnamese girl and a girl from Kenya - all of whom are much more approachable and sociable but still prefer to hang around with international students who are from their own country than with me.

    I don't think you should judge someone until you've been in their shoes - being the only non-international in an international flat is sometimes very lonely and hard to bear! xx
    I can imagine. When I was in the UK for the first time, I did share with UK nationals and internationals, but was the only one from my country. This forced me to interact with everyone though at first I could not be completely comfortable with anyone. I learned a lot about other cultures though and it was very rewarding. Just want to say that it is unfair to group all internationals together, especially because being not-British is not actually a real character trait at all.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Bslforever)
    Fixed.
    Tbh he's not really racist is he... the reality is Internationals do stick to other Internationals and don't tend to socialise as much.. I've noticed that aswell
    people like you annoy me so much when you just brand anything ' racist' when it actually really isn't..
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Maestro*)
    Like I've already said and infact I almost don't get it, meeting friends on your course? There's like 300 odd in my lecture halls and most people sat down are with their flatmates usually, and then if not with other friends. To turn up on my own and sit down by strangers and start chatting to them takes serious balls IMO. And you can't just all of a sudden make friends with them there and then.
    Why not? everybodys in the same boat at uni. Thats whats good about it. Its probably the only time in your life when youre allowed to do that kind of thing everyday.

    Just sit down next to some randomer, smile and say "heya, how you doing...[insert small talk, jokes, questions etc]" Next time you see them, do the same thing but with a slightly more familiar tone. Repeat until it feels right to ask them what theyre doing at lunchtime/this evening/the weekend.

    If somebody has a problem with you coming up and introducting yourself theyre probably just antisocial, unfriendly people and not the kind of person you want to be mates with anyway. Ignore them and find someone normal to talk to instead.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by mobo250)
    Tbh he's not really racist is he... the reality is Internationals do stick to other Internationals and don't tend to socialise as much.. I've noticed that aswell
    people like you annoy me so much when you just brand anything ' racist' when it actually really isn't..
    His posts insinuate that English people are the only groups who know how to have fun and he is upset because there are only two english people in his dorm and they are both tossers.

    Read his posts again.

    Racism doesnt have to be as obvious as "black ppl suk innit".
 
 
 

University open days

  1. University of Bradford
    University-wide Postgraduate
    Wed, 25 Jul '18
  2. University of Buckingham
    Psychology Taster Tutorial Undergraduate
    Wed, 25 Jul '18
  3. Bournemouth University
    Clearing Campus Visit Undergraduate
    Wed, 1 Aug '18
Poll
How are you feeling in the run-up to Results Day 2018?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.