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anyone else's social life crap because of flatmates? watch

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    (Original post by Fand)
    How can you blame your flat-mates for your bad social life? Sounds to me like you have to work on your social skills. You are incapable of approaching people, you have some pals but cannot turn them into friends... seems like you are expecting other people to beg for your friendship instead of taking the initiative yourself. Just invite some people over, out for drinks, have a movie night, play some games and make an effort to get to know them better. I am sorry none of your flatmates could be bothered to introduce you to society, but you are a grown-up now and sometimes will have to do things by yourself. And this will possibly include failure and rejection, but toughening up socially is one of the things you really want to learn before entering the adult world.

    Also, I cannot pity you for being in a flat with international students mostly. Getting to know people from different cultures is a wonderful opportunity for broadening your horizons. Take a little time and think how scary it must be for them to be in a foreign country and that it is only natural for them to initially be drawn mostly to the people in similar situations. Yes, there will be cultural differences, but we are all social beings in the end. I made many English friends while I was studying abroad in the UK & must admit I always feel somewhat hurt by attitudes like shown in the OP (because indeed, some English people can be rather unwelcoming).
    Agreed.
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    My housemates were all english, but hardly ever went out. (<3 them though)
    My social/clubbing life was built around others in year2 and 3
    My relationships at uni were with a Mexican postgrad and a Norwegian girl, neither of whom lived with my building.

    Racism fail. Life fail. Humanity fail. You have no social life because of you, not because of them.
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    (Original post by samba)
    My housemates were all english, but hardly ever went out. (<3 them though)
    My social/clubbing life was built around others in year2 and 3
    My relationships at uni were with a Mexican postgrad and a Norwegian girl, neither of whom lived with my building.

    Racism fail. Life fail. Humanity fail. You have no social life because of you, not because of them.
    I've heard Mexican girls are very nice.

    To add to this discussion I lived with:

    2 English
    1 Scottish Highlands
    1 Swiss
    2 Scottish

    The only normal ones were one English and two Scottish. The other English was a perv to the girls, the Scottish Highlands was an alcoholic and the Swiss was a stuck up *****.

    Race has nothing to do with anything it is the individual person. Although I agree that Chinese to rarely socialise outwith their race.
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    (Original post by Maestro*)
    high unlikely to be the same one as you, let's put it that way! :yep: or why don't you tell me what uni you're at :cool:
    I'm not at uni, i'm doing 2nd year at college, Just wanted to know if it was one of my choices
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    (Original post by samba)
    My housemates were all english, but hardly ever went out. (<3 them though)
    My social/clubbing life was built around others in year2 and 3
    My relationships at uni were with a Mexican postgrad and a Norwegian girl, neither of whom lived with my building.

    Racism fail. Life fail. Humanity fail. You have no social life because of you, not because of them.
    hardly makes me a racism, life and humanity fail.

    i'd like to see how you could have done better with so many international boys on my floor.
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    (Original post by Maestro*)
    hardly makes me a racism, life and humanity fail.

    i'd like to see how you could have done better with so many international boys on my floor.
    Point taken - I do know that some overseas students can be quite insular as to who they socialise with (as an example one of my housemates from China can sometimes keep himself to himself a bit).One of the things he's said to me though mind you is quite interesting - he did once explain that quite a few international students tend to hang around with each other because they had little confidence in their English abilities and didn't want to put themselves in potentially awkward sitations.Understandable - to a point but they need to eventually talk to everyone else.

    Mind you - it works both ways and I think the tone of what you're writing is a bit xenophobic to be honest saying how your "social life is ruined" becuase of the international students.One of my mates gets on very well with his Malaysian flatmates however and that's becuase he took the time to get to know them and find out about them.I think it's a good idea you try and know these people - do they tend to talk to each other for example? (guessing they're from different countries).
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    People seem to think I'm stupid as if I don't know they aren't that confident in their English abilities and what not, I'm fully aware of that and have no problem with it. Infact I have no problem with them not socialising with me if they don't want to.

    I'm merely stating the facts!
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    I hate reading threads like these but always end up reading them lol.
    Because my parents are irrational life controlling *****es...
    I have to commute to uni so socialising with people is going to be harder (this is the first 'barrier' for me to get friends)
    then my parents get pissed off when I try going out in the evenings so this creates more barriers
    then i don't drink (religion) I dont mind sitting in company with people who do drink but the thought of mainly drink-related activies in societies wont really be fun for a non drinker all the time will it?
    and then the course I want to go to is massive and I have a feeling it will be difficult to make friends in tutorial due to the size of the course.
    God knows how I'm going to make a couple of friends.
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    i don't talk to any of my flatmates, they don't even say hi if i see them in town
    my social life is the worst of the worst... it can't get any worse, fact
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    Some people in this thread are being really insensitive and everyone is always so quick to jump on the racism band wagon.
    Whilst Maestro may not have phrased his thoughts particularly eloquently I don't think he is racist.
    As for saying things like "your social life is **** because of you" whilst true is not particularly encouraging. Some people have a really hard social time and often can hardly bring themselves to speak.
    Try being more sensitive or constructive instead of venting on a forum.
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    PS Helper
    You seem to be a bit unsociable yourself if you don't chat to people in lectures/clubs. Have you actually tried inviting your international students out, they may be up for it but unsure how to approach you about it.

    Find a decent club/society, perhaps one that does trips away, you'll make friends in no time.
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    im the only boy in a flat of five; not as great as it *sounds*
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    (Original post by hellohello.)
    Chinese people are not interested in any other race than their own at uni. I agree.
    Sadly I would have to agree, with the the odd exception.
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    (Original post by hellohello.)
    Chinese people are not interested in any other race than their own at uni. I agree.
    Thanks for the generalisation. :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by yanyanyan)
    Thanks for the generalisation. :rolleyes:
    It wasn't a generalisation it is a fact from what I have experienced. I have came across many Chinese people at uni who have been both rude and dismissive in having conversations with other races.

    Clearly not all Chinese people are like this but I have never came across a Chinese person that is different from the sterotype they have built up.
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    I know exactly where you are coming from. In my flat there are two international girls and four guys. As a girl I often feel quite excluded from the guys- alot of their conversations evolve around sports or girls and they pretty much ignored me from day one. The two international girls are nice enough but their english isnt always the best so they tend to converse with each other in their native language- so when I walk into the kitchen when they're there in mid conversation in a lnaguage I dont understand, its pretty hard to just join in talking with them. I feel very very isolated. I joined societies but I probably didnt pick wisely as they are fairly small and meetings/events have gradually tailed off. I met a few people on my course by randomly talking to people at the start of lectures in the first semester, but this become more aquaintances as only brief exchange of words were possible.
 
 
 

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