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    I need some help: I’m confused.
    I hope my story will not be too long, I'll shorten it up.

    I went out with a guy for 2 years. I’ve known him for many years because we were friends before that.
    I thought I could trust him but during our relationship he did several strange things (pics of nearly naked ex in his phone, flirting on the net, breaking up with me then going out with another girl and them coming back to me, and loads of other stuff). Additionally to all these things, I suspected him of cheating on me, I have not caught him doing it but what happened was he went on holiday and just disappeared. As I was wondering what was going on, I checked his email. I discovered that he had a mobile phone when he had told me he hadn’t and he was clearly flirting with other girls. The emails suggested they may have been more, but it did not state it clearly. I know that reading his emails was not an honest and trustful attitude but I wanted to know what was going on.
    I broke up with him in August. Since then we stayed close friends.

    A few days after we're separated he got into a relationship with a girl he met on holiday (and he says he hasn’t cheated… :eek: )
    Obviously, as we stayed close friends, what had to happen, happened.
    On day he came to my place and we started kissing, cuddling and we had sex.
    Now, I won’t say he forced me or anything, it isn't true. But he had told me it wasn’t serious with his girl friend, as she lives a broad and they had only been in a relationship via the web, so he didn’t feel like he was in a relationship and that it was the same for her. It was some sort of internet flirting; as I still have some feelings for him and he said it wasn’t serious with that girl, I didn’t refuse the “friends with benefit thing”.
    The thing is we had agreed that it was just sex with no strings but lately he is acting just like if he was my boy friend. He is very tender, takes me out on dates and so on. Really acts like my boyfriend!
    He also spends his time telling me that it is not serious with his girlfriend.
    As I thought he could be lying about his girlfriend, I checked his emails (AGAIN, yeah I know ... ). Obviously, he is making great promises to his girlfriend and he tells her he loves her and that she is his soul mate... In fact, the same stuff he said to me when we were a couple
    so I feel that he manipulated me to get the affection and sex he needs.
    But why would he act like my boyfriend, be jealous and take me out on dates if he only wants sex? :eek3:

    Also, I do not want to be the girl with whom he cheats on his girlfriend. I really thought they had agreed on the fact that it was not serious.
    What should I do?
    Should I just stop our little game without any explanations or should I tell him that I know he is deceiving me?

    I still have feelings for him so it may be a bit hard.

    Thanks if you read the whole thing ^^
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    Lose him, hes a douche.
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    Sounds like a complete ****.

    IMHO, get out now.. before it's too late and your hooked. He's obviously cheating on his 'girlfriend', so who else is he sleeping with aside from you?

    pfft. ARS'OLE.
    • #2
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    To be honest he sounds more confused than you.
    I mean, all I think I can say is although you may have feelings for him I think you need to step back, move on and leave him to it. He wants to keep up with this girl abroad, but he wants you to keep him..physically satisfied. That's cheating..who else could he be doing this with.. That is unfair on the both of you.
    I think it's time for you to move on, and find someone you can trust, be comfortable and truly happy with. That sounds better than being some untrustworthy boys 'friend with benefits'..
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    Listen Honey, I would say one thing and one thing only.... Walk Away.

    I understand that you obviously have some deep affection for this guy but the end line is that he has no respect for you (or other women in fact, this includes his girlfriend) nor does he love you or treat you the way you deserve to be treated. From what you have described it seems that he has blatantly cheated on you during the time that you were an item yet you do not want to believe it. The fact you say you remained close friends shows again how much you felt for this guy as personally I am dubious that you could have been good friends afterwards.

    My ex bf cheated on me several times during a two year relationship, unfortunately I did not know until the very end when I discovered emails proving his infidelity. Looking back I realised that I gave that relationship my heart and now I honestly believe that if you are in love with someone and are in a relationship that person should feel the same and act with care/love. Anything less you need to find someone who does.

    Life is too short sunshine, we are young and are meant to be out there living life, trying new experiences, meeting new friends and enjoying the company of people that enrich our lives, not dampen them! Why are you wasting all this energy, emotion and headwork on this guy? He doesnt love nor respect you. Sure enough he may be acting like he is but think of his girlfriend! She was you that time ago. Imagine if this wasnt you and you were having an out of body experience. Step back from the situation. Who are you and what do you want from life? A guy who will message other girls, lie to you, cheat on you, "play with your head"?

    OR...... Do you wanna look at yourself as a pretty, intelligent woman with a sense of self worth and self respect? Its a brand new year. Make 2010 a year to remember for the right reasons.

    Personally I think you know all this already but you are letting your heart rule your head. You can ask for as much advice as you want but only you can make that decision. Lets just hope you make it and make it FAST!
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    thanks for the answers.:o:

    (Original post by KarlZ)
    From what you have described it seems that he has blatantly cheated on you during the time that you were an item yet you do not want to believe it.
    [...]
    Sure enough he may be acting like he is but think of his girlfriend! She was you that time ago. I
    You're right, I know he has cheated on me, but I keep defending him, saying stuff like "he is not aware of what his is doing" or "but he really loved me". tbh, I don't know why he is so important to me... the best thing to do would be to tell him I know ALL the truth (from when we together to now), that he's an arse and to piss off.
    But unfortunately, I can't.
    For some reason we have a "link" (sounds cheessy doesnt it) and he's an important person in my life, so I just can't act like that.
    I'll go abroad in september, and I just can't way because it'll just end the whole BS.

    I just can't belive that I was crazy in love and stayed 2 whole years with a guy who, either didn't love me or at least didn't make me happy.


    What's more, he's really good at "playing" with me : If I make up my mind, and say I'll end it, he'll find a way to make me change my mind.:banghead:

    I thing I wouldn't mind taking a sort of revenge. because after all, everything is good for him : he got dumped, found a new gf just after, and still has sex with his ex (me). And even if i leave now, he'll still have his sort of gf...
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    lol at the fact that everyone is saying the things that should be so plainly obvious to OP
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    Well, it wasn't obvious to me, because I'm sort of caught up in the situation. I can't say that I didn't have a clue though...

    I've decided to end the whole thing.
    But I don't know if I just vanish or if I should explain something.
    Don't know what to say really...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well, it wasn't obvious to me, because I'm sort of caught up in the situation. I can't say that I didn't have a clue though...

    I've decided to end the whole thing.
    But I don't know if I just vanish or if I should explain something.
    Don't know what to say really...
    "Whatever this is, is over"
    Maybe?
 
 
 
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