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Would it bother you if your children were a different religion than you? watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I've been with my boyfriend, who is muslim, for a long time and it's getting to the point where we are thinking about marriage.

    However, he would want his children to be muslim and as an atheist, I don't think I am entirely comforable with my children being brought up muslim. The reason is that it is something that I could not be part of and would feel unable to related on that aspect, which is quite important. Also things like I can't feed them ham or non-halal food (I can't take them to a restaurant and let them order anything, they would have to eat a vegetarian meal, I wouldn't be able to just pop to Tesco and make them some meat with some English meat, I would have to go and get halal meat etc..), the fact that they would go to the mosque every Friday, pray everyday and fast. All these things are completely alien to me and I wouldn't be able to share any of these thigns with my children, because I do not believe in it, it's another culture.

    My boyfriend isn't a hardcore muslim or anything, he is very Westernise and liberal but would want his children to grow up as muslims, which is understandable. He wouldn't force it upon them, they would be free to choose, which is what I want as well, so that isn't the problem. But obviously they would be more biased in becoming muslim (my family is Christian)

    Has anyone been in this situation? What do you think? Would you mind? Do you think I am making a big deal out of nothing?
    Ok now this is tricky & I reckon one day this dilemma will come up between me and my partner. I am a muslim - yet a very moderate and westernised one at that. However I certainly do all those things that you say - pray, fast, dont eat pork, eat halal meat etc..

    In all honesty to maintain these things are very easy, halal resteraunts are now increasingly growing, halal food places are also - and as for the others - maybe you should familiarise yourself with muslim practices so you could relate to your future child/ren...

    I think in Islam procreation is predomintantly for the continuation of Islam so it is quite important.

    ...it is a difficult scenario but you can work within it as you said yourself that your boyfriend is moderate - and therefore if you teach your children to be moderate then they will be of a similar nature to your boyfriend - whom you get on with now so why should it be difficult with your children?
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    I really wouldn't be happy about it. They are your kids too and you should have a say in how they are raised. I believe in a higher power and I'd like my kids to have faith in something I just hate the way religion causes a divide and how you would have to change your life for his faith.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This is interesting. I don't think it would really bother me, you and your boyfriend need to have an agreement. You should agree upon the age at which you would like your children to decide what belief they would like to follow. This is the only fair route. Until that age they should follow Islam.
    That's biased towards Islam, so wouldn't count as being 'fair' per se.
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    (Original post by wolfrace)
    just out of interest, how would you feel if your kids decided to be religious once they were at a responsible age (like teens or w/e)?

    and also, whatre you gonna do? ask every man you like whether he's athiest or not before anything? you can't choose who you Love remember ; )
    I'd feel like I hadn't brought children into the world who had logical, rational and commonsensical brains! I'd be devastated tbh.

    Religion for me, is all part of what makes someone attractive or unattractive to me. If I met someone who was a catholic, I'd instantly be put off. It's just something I can't stomach - religion. I honestly can say that any guy I go out with, won't be religious. I wouldn't be attracted to someone who was religious in any way, shape or form. Luckily my bf neither believes in god, nor wants children so I've hit the jackpot with this one lol.
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    i think not even a huge thing like religion could get in the way of maternal love. if it's a boundary you have overcome with your soon to be husband, then it would probably be fine the kids too. everybody has, and is entitled to, different beliefs, so freedom of choice is the most important thing.
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    i wonder how many people would be religious if no one was brought up with a religion?
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    It would maybe have more of an impact on your life as you would have to do certain Muslim things with your children and seeing as you're an atheist this seems a bit contradictory. I don't think I'd personally want my children to follow any religion unless they found out about it for themselves.
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    (Original post by 1721)
    i wonder how many people would be religious if no one was brought up with a religion?
    Not a fat lot, tbh.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I've been with my boyfriend, who is muslim, for a long time and it's getting to the point where we are thinking about marriage.

    However, he would want his children to be muslim and as an atheist, I don't think I am entirely comforable with my children being brought up muslim. The reason is that it is something that I could not be part of and would feel unable to related on that aspect, which is quite important. Also things like I can't feed them ham or non-halal food (I can't take them to a restaurant and let them order anything, they would have to eat a vegetarian meal, I wouldn't be able to just pop to Tesco and make them some meat with some English meat, I would have to go and get halal meat etc..), the fact that they would go to the mosque every Friday, pray everyday and fast. All these things are completely alien to me and I wouldn't be able to share any of these thigns with my children, because I do not believe in it, it's another culture.

    My boyfriend isn't a hardcore muslim or anything, he is very Westernise and liberal but would want his children to grow up as muslims, which is understandable. He wouldn't force it upon them, they would be free to choose, which is what I want as well, so that isn't the problem. But obviously they would be more biased in becoming muslim (my family is Christian)

    Has anyone been in this situation? What do you think? Would you mind? Do you think I am making a big deal out of nothing?
    Muslims are not that bad people, if your children grow upto be muslims at least in Islam the Value of a Mother is 3 times that of a Father
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    Well. I wouldn't mind if they were Christian or atheist. I certainly wouldn't want my child to be Muslim though - too many restrictions on everything "Having to do this, having to do that". At least Christianity doesn't have any silly laws like "You can't eat pork!!"
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    (Original post by bittersweetxsymphony)
    Hrmm, personally I don't like religion as I think it causes too many divides in society and I think people should be allowed to form their own opinions of religion rather than just going along with what they were brought up to believe. I wouldn't be happy about my kids being brought up with religion as I am also an atheist.
    If he isn't a hardcore Muslim then why would you have to go to the mosque and have a special diet? Seems silly to me. Would you offend him if you told him this?
    Totally agree.

    To be honest, the whole thing would make me feel very uncomfortable.
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    Tbh I would be upset if my children had no faith at all - if they were agnostic i'd be more open to it than if they were "hardcore atheist"s. I think it's different to not want your children to have faith than to want them to have some faith.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I've been with my boyfriend, who is muslim, for a long time and it's getting to the point where we are thinking about marriage.

    However, he would want his children to be muslim and as an atheist, I don't think I am entirely comforable with my children being brought up muslim. The reason is that it is something that I could not be part of and would feel unable to related on that aspect, which is quite important. Also things like I can't feed them ham or non-halal food (I can't take them to a restaurant and let them order anything, they would have to eat a vegetarian meal, I wouldn't be able to just pop to Tesco and make them some meat with some English meat, I would have to go and get halal meat etc..), the fact that they would go to the mosque every Friday, pray everyday and fast. All these things are completely alien to me and I wouldn't be able to share any of these thigns with my children, because I do not believe in it, it's another culture.

    My boyfriend isn't a hardcore muslim or anything, he is very Westernise and liberal but would want his children to grow up as muslims, which is understandable. He wouldn't force it upon them, they would be free to choose, which is what I want as well, so that isn't the problem. But obviously they would be more biased in becoming muslim (my family is Christian)

    Has anyone been in this situation? What do you think? Would you mind? Do you think I am making a big deal out of nothing?
    OP, You're looking for answers in the wrong places, you're not going to find what you're looking for on a student forum.
    Talk to an Iman or someone like that. If you want I have the contact details of someone who's a leading authority in the UK on interfaith marriages (He's neither Muslim nor Atheist so he won't be biased) and trust me his dealt with this issues more times than I've had breakfast.

    PM me and I'll give you his email address and phone number (He lives in South East England so not sure if that's out of the way) if you send him an email his very friendly and should be willing to help.
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    (Original post by Ilora-Danon)
    I'd feel like I hadn't brought children into the world who had logical, rational and commonsensical brains! I'd be devastated tbh.

    Religion for me, is all part of what makes someone attractive or unattractive to me. If I met someone who was a catholic, I'd instantly be put off. It's just something I can't stomach - religion. I honestly can say that any guy I go out with, won't be religious. I wouldn't be attracted to someone who was religious in any way, shape or form. Luckily my bf neither believes in god, nor wants children so I've hit the jackpot with this one lol.
    Completely agree with you. Luckily my boyfriend doesn't believe in anything either so I won't have this problem. I just hate religion and I hate how people try to shove it in your face! I have a few friends who are religious and they are okay and just accept other people even if they don't have the same faith. But I have met a few people who have completely bashed me for being an atheist. I have also found many christian guys to be quite sexist.
    I hate the fact that they restrict themselves for something that isn't even definately true. Like Jehovah's witnesses refusing blood transfusions that could save their lives and Catholics being against abortion and contraception. No logic at all!
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    (Original post by wolfrace)
    and also, whatre you gonna do? ask every man you like whether he's athiest or not before anything? you can't choose who you Love remember ; )
    You would normally find out what religion, if any, someone is in the 'getting to know eachother' stage, before you get into a committed relationship with them. I fail to see how you could get into a relationship with someone without knowing something as basic as that about them.
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    (Original post by sakina101)
    That's biased towards Islam, so wouldn't count as being 'fair' per se.
    It is fair, it would interfere with the child's belief if they were brought up Atheist and wanted to be a Muslim. And being Athesit isn't really an experience, being a Muslim is, so they would need some time to experience it.
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    Tell your bf that you'd be ok with their spiritual learning, but not with the traditions that come with being muslim (to some extent). Also, how you will openly voice atheist beliefs. If he has an issue with either of these then I would strongly recomend not having children with him.
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    What about have 2 children - one muslim, one atheist! Done! Problem resolved!

    But more seriously, I think there's no point of following a religion if the child is not going to understand what he/she is doing! It would be a little like blind faith and could be labelled as indoctrinating, therefore it may be more suitable for the child to remain agnostic until an age you and your partner decide is right.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Because just like in the Jewish faith, muslims have their friday prayer at the mosque (like mass). It's not long only baout 20 mins. He believes that people shouldn't be forced into any religion but he would teach his kids islam. Yes, the meat would have to be halal. Although he is liberal minded, he doesn't drink, eat pork or non-halal food. I wouldn't offend him, but I want to know if it is an issue before I confront him you know?
    I can easily relate to you. I am a muslim and my boyfriends athiest and we both want to be married. My concern is the idea of raising kids too. See you have to understand that if you beleive in god, you wouldnt want your kids to end up in hell... no parents would.
    He sounds like a chilled out guy... if he doesnt drink and doesnt eat pork. Big deal. You probably wouldnt have questioned it if he was just an ordinary guy who didnt like booze and was a vegetarian. Theres only one meat he doesnt eat... really not a big deal is it?
    If he doesnt want the kids forced into a religion, and only wants to TEACH them about islam, why is that so wrong? They'll inevitably learn about other religions in school and pick up on why you're beleifs are different, so they'll choose themselves. Only thing is, you have to make sure that you wont hold it against them if they CHOOSE to follow that religion. you dont want your kids feeling guilty and like they've betrayed one parents beleifs for anothers. that sort of pressure is just unfair
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    Not one bit, I don't see why it should its their life
 
 
 
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