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    My boyfriends Kurdish and is a Muslim, and im arab/english and not religious.

    Since he is muslim/his culture/how he was raised he doesn't believe his girlfriend (me) should go clubbing/wear slutty clothes (dont anyway), go out all night, talk to men, doesn't like me eating pork.

    My english friends tell me he's controlling, the thing is, although i know im not muslim, i know he is and i think if im with him i should respect his religion, and although i get pissed off sometimes, i think it is his culture and part of mine.

    My question is, hopefully to muslim men, is this ok really? I know its his relgion and he loves me very much but doesn't like me doing what he says 'bad things', he doesn't like me going out at night as its dangourus.

    I am at uni, and he doesn't care if i live in halls/have a job/go to uni and he doesn't really want me to be a housewife, cooking/cleaning etc. And he inists he pays for everything as its just is culture. So its not like, really relious, but some things he thinks are wrong due to his belifs and reliogion, does this make him a bad person, as an english friend of mine says it is controlling?

    All im saying is we have cultural differences, im not a big clubber/drinker etc. In westen countries if a man doensn't want you to go out at night/clubbing/drinking etc, its controlling, but in middle eastern countires if a women did this, it would be Haram (sorry can't spell..).

    I know alot theres alot of negative comments on muslims, but i don't think its right of me, or anyone, to tell people a certion culture/religion is wrong (unless its killing/raping etc.) although i dont agree with some stuff in the Qu'ran, i just think it would be wrong of me to tell my bf, i don't care about your faith im going to gte pissed, get pork and dance with men, and although its not my faith i don't think its really his fault as its how he is, and almost all the muslims i know.
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    "i know he is and i think if im with him i should respect his religion"

    Yeah and you're not Muslim so where's his respect for your lack of religion? Seems pretty one sided to me.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    "i know he is and i think if im with him i should respect his religion"

    Yeah and you're not Muslim so where's his respect for your lack of religion? Seems pretty one sided to me.
    Couldn't have put it better myself.
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    Seems like a troll to me. Dunno why, but I'm getting viibbeess! :p:
    But if you insist ...
    He should respect that you are not part of his relgion and culture and accept that as you can accept that he may do certain things that aer in his religion/culture.
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    He has to respect the fact that your culture is not the same as his. It is one-sided.
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    You said he wasn't religious, why are you respecting a religion he doesn't adhere to himself?
    Tell him that if pixie man exists he'll come down from the heavens and tell you right from wrong, and that you don't need to be bossed about by him.
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    If you don't share the same values then it won't work. You'll have to talk with him and explain what you don't agree with and whether that's enough to end the relationship.
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    You don't sound like YOU have a problem with it - so why do you care if your friends do? He doesn't want you to do things he thinks are wrong... and while it's not up to him to force those on you, if your views on what's right / wrong differ wildly then a relationship won't work anyway
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    To be honest, I'm all for respecting his beliefs, so maybe not eating pork in his presence would be fair enough. Going clubbing though, that doesn't have to be about boys and excessive alcohol consumption, he should respect you if you decide you want to go for a drink and a dance with your friends. Going out at night isn't immediately dangerous, just be sensible and you should be fine. If he won't let you even with a group of sensible friends, then personally I'd say that is too controlling. Also, if you have money too then if you want to pay for the occasional thing, then he should maybe respect your right to treat him with your money.
    As sabertooth said, he should respect your beliefs too. Just because you choose to eat pork, spend your money, and generally do things your own way, it doesn't mean you're saying his way of doing things is wrong. Try compromising
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    You are your own person, make up your own mind about what is right and wrong. I don't understand as to why he stops you from doing whatever is not allowed in Islam, even though free-mixing and dating isn't allowed in Islam either.

    :] my twenty cents.

    tc,
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    If he accepts that he is a Muslim, then he should follow the commands of Allaah 'azza wa jal and the Messenger (upon him be peace). In this regard, he should know that having such a relationship outside of marriage is not allowed in Islaam. This may not be what you wish to hear - and it may lead someone to give me a -ve reputation - but this is the dictate of Islaam.

    Regardless, should you not discuss these issues with your partner?
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    Frankly, if my girlfriend was dancing with other men I'd kick her teeth in. I'd just be glad that your boyfriend hasn't suicide-bombed yo' skanky ass.
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    (Original post by orange-phone1919)
    My boyfriends Kurdish and is a Muslim, and im arab/english and not religious.

    Since he is muslim/his culture/how he was raised he doesn't believe his girlfriend (me) should go clubbing/wear slutty clothes (dont anyway), go out all night, talk to men, doesn't like me eating pork.

    My english friends tell me he's controlling, the thing is, although i know im not muslim, i know he is and i think if im with him i should respect his religion, and although i get pissed off sometimes, i think it is his culture and part of mine.

    My question is, hopefully to muslim men, is this ok really? I know its his relgion and he loves me very much but doesn't like me doing what he says 'bad things', he doesn't like me going out at night as its dangourus.
    .
    It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, the only thing that matter is if the two of you are happy with it. If you can't reach a compromise that you're both happy with, then the relationship is unlikely to work out.
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    (Original post by Ibaad'Allaah)
    If he accepts that he is a Muslim, then he should follow the commands of Allaah 'azza wa jal and the Messenger (upon him be peace). In this regard, he should know that having such a relationship outside of marriage is not allowed in Islaam. This may not be what you wish to hear - and it may lead someone to give me a -ve reputation - but this is the dictate of Islaam.
    Couldn't have put it better myself

    ************

    Being in such relationship is a great sin itself.
    And with a non-religious girl makes things even worse.

    Sorry to say that!

    And what he is doing is destroying the REAL image of Islam since he is pretending to be religious Muslim but on the other hand commiting a great sin; unless you're his wife he has no right to have control over you !
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    oxymoronic, however i completely understand his wanting you not to eat pork. i think the 'controlling' aspects of his nature are to do with his culture's high regard of women and safety. saving that if he really did respect you in an islamic manner, he would have married; securing yu and not damaging your reputation. rather than being ur boyfriend.
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    Speaking as a female Muslim, I say it's all down to interpretation on whether or not Islam permits relationships or not (except for adultury and sex outside of marriage where it is very clear) but that's irrelavent. The point is you said at the beginning that he is not a practicing Muslim. In my opinion, if you're not a practicing Muslim, you are not a Muslim.

    Futhermore, there is no compulsion in Islam-- you cannot force someone to do something you say is part of your religion (which some of that is not, it's a culture thing), especially when it is obvious that he does not practice. You have to stand your ground. Compromise is good, but you should be enjoying uni and have fun with the person you are dating. If doesn't compromise, then it doesn't look good.

    And just an extra point, I would really try to be clear on what is culture and what is Islam. A lot of what you said he is telling you doesn't sound like Islam to me. But it's all about the interpretation.

    Hope you find a solution to your problem soon.
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    Oh religion..... :facepalm:
    some people still need welcoming into the 21st century :/
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    Urghhhh, get out of there.

    I don't understand why girls choose to put themselves in chains. ******* run. Run now. There's plenty fish in the sea.

    /Another 'arab/english' girl.
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    Look for a non-muslim boyfriend

    cause being muslim and having a girl-friend is wrong

    problem solved
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    if you dont like his beliefs and ideals, leave him. stop complaining about them on the ******* internet.
 
 
 
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