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Friends and feuds... watch

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    Okay so last year, my first year of uni:

    (I'm a girl btw)

    Group of people in my halls, incredibly cliquey, thought that they were still at school, were obsessed with being known as the 'cool kids' which was ridiculous because both my uni and the halls we were in were so anti-social and no one cared. Now I made an effort with them all individually (this was before I realised how cliquey they were) and the girls were always friendly to me on their own, but as a group they made it clear I wasn't part of it.

    Anyway, I found out later that they basically would explicitly take the piss out of me and make fun of their friend (male) who I ended up sleeping with twice which was also ridiculous since I made my way through several people that year. But that's not the point.

    Anyway, one of my closest friends last year was friends with one of the guys (who is best friends with the guy who I got with) through one of her classes, and it turned out they're living really near to us. So this friend went round to their house and ended up making friends with the girls who live there.

    Okay so, it should be straightforward, why is my friend getting in with people who were so horrible to me? But the problem is, (at least one of them) the girls are actually okay and seems pretty sound. But okay, I decided that I wasn't even going to be superficially civil with them and risk having them be the ones who cease any further friendship with them. So I just decided to not even acknowledge that I knew them (whereas before I would always make an effort to chat and stuff) and I'm pretty sure they've got the message I'm not going to bother any more.

    Recent progression: through an ex-member of the group (who they quite horribly shunned from being involved in housing plans) I was told that it was mainly the guys who made a big deal of it, and the girls just kind of went along with it. On one hand, I could accept that - it would explain why they were fine with me individually BUT on the other hand in the end they were loyal to the guys, if they had really liked me they still could have been friends with me.

    It's now got to the point where my friend will go out with whoever else (I'm living with her btw) to meet these girls, just now she invited our other housemate over to do pre-drinking at their house because she wants her to get to know them. Naturally I feel very left out.

    Is it up to me now to make the effort? Or is it too late for us to be reconciled? The social scene at our uni is small enough that I see them out regularly and it feels awful to not know whether it's appropriate to speak or not. I don't know whether they don't like me, or they think that I don't like them (which would figure)...plus at the start of this year I had quite a lot of bitterness and my pride would not allow myself to continue trying.

    Now? I've gotten over it and I would be happy to hang out with them but I feel like it's too late. Any thoughts/comments?
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    Speak to your close friend about how you are feeling - also illustrate to her your wishes to be friends with these girls also. It could be difficult for her too - wanting to meet and getting on with loads of new people - but feeling guilty for leaving her BF. And if you were acting passive with the girls, your friend might not fully understand the situation and just assume you're being irrational. Talk to her on her own - if she is the close friend you say she is she will listen and try to sort it out. About the pride: of course it is good to be confident and sure of yourself, but learn to show humility too - it is an attractive quality in small doses, not a weakness as your pride would have you believe. All in all, better late than never - for everyone's sake. Good luck xxx
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    (Original post by Cat285)
    Speak to your close friend about how you are feeling - also illustrate to her your wishes to be friends with these girls also. It could be difficult for her too - wanting to meet and getting on with loads of new people - but feeling guilty for leaving her BF. And if you were acting passive with the girls, your friend might not fully understand the situation and just assume you're being irrational. Talk to her on her own - if she is the close friend you say she is she will listen and try to sort it out. About the pride: of course it is good to be confident and sure of yourself, but learn to show humility too - it is an attractive quality in small doses, not a weakness as your pride would have you believe. All in all, better late than never - for everyone's sake. Good luck xxx
    Yeah I forgot to mention, she already knows about everything and I originally expressed quite disdainful sentiments towards them which now makes it worse if I turn round and say, oh, I want to be friends with them help me get in on it (since she always makes a lot of effort herself to do so).

    Would it be a bad idea to message, or speak to one of the girls in person (preferably whilst drunk!) and tell them how I feel? I know she's not gonna admit, yeah, we do all hate you, we were just being fake but I dunno...
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    Not drunk! Definitely not drunk - you'll gain far more respect by proving you the balls to confront said "mean girls". As I said, if this girl is your true friend she won't judge your change of heart, and will hopefully try to help you if you are able to admit your mistakes/misjudgements in the matter (don't take all the blame though - these girls clearly have had their fair share of input!).

    Messaging or speaking to one of them is perfectly acceptable - if they really don't have a problem with you and want to be friends then they should be gushing to have you understand their true, amicable intentions. Why don't you have a few people round? Suggest a movie night, or a gathering. As you say, you live with the friend who is in with them, so there is your connection to have them invited. Get to know them a bit better and let them get to know you. Put in a little bit of effort - just to test the water.

    But, if after putting in such effort they hold the same attitude towards you, i'd suggest you find better people to befriend. In this case, joining a new uni society or something related to your interests could prove useful in finding people worth spending time and effort on.
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    (Original post by Cat285)
    Not drunk! Definitely not drunk - you'll gain far more respect by proving you the balls to confront said "mean girls". As I said, if this girl is your true friend she won't judge your change of heart, and will hopefully try to help you if you are able to admit your mistakes/misjudgements in the matter (don't take all the blame though - these girls clearly have had their fair share of input!).

    Messaging or speaking to one of them is perfectly acceptable - if they really don't have a problem with you and want to be friends then they should be gushing to have you understand their true, amicable intentions. Why don't you have a few people round? Suggest a movie night, or a gathering. As you say, you live with the friend who is in with them, so there is your connection to have them invited. Get to know them a bit better and let them get to know you. Put in a little bit of effort - just to test the water.

    But, if after putting in such effort they hold the same attitude towards you, i'd suggest you find better people to befriend. In this case, joining a new uni society or something related to your interests could prove useful in finding people worth spending time and effort on.
    Yeah I know...it's just difficult cuz that's the only time it's really appropriate - on campus it would be a bit random it's easier to do in a club when people being explicitly sociable (noise is a bit of a problem though!). But yeah, staying relatively sober is probably for the best. Cheers.
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    Good luck - sorry if this hasn't helped so much, it's difficult to understand/comment over the web! Just be yourself and attempt a reconsiliation. As long as you know you've done all you can/want then you should feel happy with the situation however it turns out. Don't let other people's bad traits become your problem. Hope it works out ok - if you want to chat pm me xxxx
 
 
 
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