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    • Thread Starter

    i recently came out and feel loads better cos of it
    as of yet i have not 'recieved' sex, but have given and given head

    the thing is, i love to fantacize about men and love giving head, but im not that attracted to them in real life... its not that i havent seen enough people, and its not on an emotional level... i just dont seem to fancy any guys that much

    anyway, i just want to know what you think?

    i have a boyfriend at the minute, and i love him on an emotional level, but dont find him overly attractive (and he is quite good looking)

    i think i am going the whole way tonight, but wanted some opinions first

    thanks for your help in advance x
    • Community Assistant

    Community Assistant
    Oral sex is the commonest sexual act between men. Only about 60% of homosexually active men have anal sex with another man in any year, and somewhere between one in six and one in seven have never done it.

    Google the Klein Grid for one way of looking at sexuality - it looks at desire, behaviour and identity over time.

    There are all sorts of different ways of loving. Are you only interested in relationships with other guys? If so, there's really no issue with labelling yourself gay if you want to.

    If you feel comfortable, you're enjoying yourself and no one gets hurt, then go for it!

    As to fancying guys enough - I have a weird thing with attraction. That is, I barely notice it. I'm drawn to certain people's physicalities, but I'm very, very rarely actively attracted to someone. I called myself asexual (one who does not experience sexual attraction) for a while, because I was closer to that than bi, but now I call myself 'queer' because I find it easier, and I like the reclaimed aspect of the word.

    I hung out on AVEN (www.asexuality.org) for a long time, and although a lot of the conversation is less sexuality-theoretical and more often I-don't-like-having-sex (which is why I rarely hang out there any more, I'm fine with sex, in theory - but many of the forum goers do have sex, some of them a lot) it might have something that you identify with or find interesting. There are lots of same-sex interested people on there. http://apositve.org is better in terms of it's sex-positive discussion with an asexuality bent, but I don't know how active it is anymore.

    There's also www.queeryouth.org.uk, which is awesome for general stuff, although I'd guess they'd say that you're part of the family and have fun :p: It's an awesome website.

    Well at first I was going to say it was just fantasy and you're not 'really' gay/bi, but then you said you had a bf and loved him. So now I say this is something that you'll only find out in time, it can just be your doubts that's making you worry and you'll find you do like him a lot.

    You don't know what you have until it's gone, after all.
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