Hi guys. Not entirely sure what I'm hoping to get from this, but I'm hoping to find some helpful advice on what I should do with myself, at the moment I'm completely lost..
Back in July, I met a this guy.. I thought he was a little strange at the time, but pleasant enough. We chatted, exchanged Facebook details (you know how it is, right?), and soon enough we were chatting there almost daily. Fast forward a month or so, I break up with my long term boyfriend. Things had gone downhill rapidly and I bit the proverbial bullet and moved out...
A few weeks later, me and the first guy went out for drinks. It was purely friendly, but we met up several times and I started to fall for him hard.. Catch was, he had a girlfriend. One night after a particularly heavy drinking session he told me he really liked me too.. And wanted to end his relationship to be with me. And he did just that - he finished with her a couple of weeks later and we became an "item". I appreciate what a terrible thing this is, but he said he was unhappy with her, only with her "because there was nobody else around at the time", and clicked much better with me. I was so infatuated I totally accepted this, despite my reservations about somebody who could so casually behave that way towards someone they'd dated for 4 or 5 months. To this day they have remained friends, and obviously, she doesn't know about me.
We've been together for a couple of months now.. And things are.. Wierd. It seems as though half of his female friends (and there are lots!!) are ex girlfriends.. People he's dated for a couple of months and "realised he's got nothing in common with". It seems as though all of his close female friends are people he's slept with, and although i'm trying to be as cool as possible about all of this, I can't help having a million alarm bells go off when these things come up in conversation. There's one particular ex who dumped him two years ago who he cannot get over, he's told me he thinks about her every day and can't go on MSN because conversations with her "bring back old feelings". He says he misses her but resents her at the same time... Sometimes, especially when drunk, he talks about her and gets quite upset.. But it begs the question.. Where does this leave me??
He's very elusive and unpredicable, often we go for entire weeks without seeing one another. Despite this, he's told me he loves me, I'm the best girlfriend he's ever had and even gave me a key to his flat??
He only lives down the road, yet most days the only contact we have is a text or a 10 minute phonecall (which is sometimes quite strained), we're both at uni and work presses.. But not that much, surely? When we are together things are great, but time together is getting increasingly scarce. He's become quite distant and when I ask him what's wrong, he claims his uni workload is stressing him. We do the same subject, and yes it is stressful, but to the point where he's being off with me? I find it really hard to believe.
Any outside perspective would be great, I'm in two minds whether to end things tonight. Thanks in advance.
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Am I just chasing a lost cause with my boyfriend? watch
- Thread Starter
- 19-01-2010 20:32
- 19-01-2010 20:45
My alarm bells would ring too, the MSN aversion alone?! He's admitted to you that talking to her 'brings back old memories'?! No no no no noooooo.
YOU are the most important person in the world and if your man can't see that and has been, to be fair, a reet man-**** in the past (all of his 'close' female friends??) I'd bite the bullet and leave this one be.
The paranoia alone would drive me mad, 'Is he dreaming of me or her? Am I better than her in bed?' Nope if it doesn't feel right, its not right. Always trust your instinct.
- 19-01-2010 20:52
Get out while you still have your dignity! Alarm bells are never good and it sounds like he's ringing a lot of them..
You deserve someone that's actually going to make an effort to see you and not just string you along to avoid feeling lonely and actually dealing with getting over another girl.
- 19-01-2010 20:54
I'd say he's still stuck on that other girl. He's probably saying you're the best gf he's had cos you're letting him get away with this behaviour. I would get out now cos it sounds like he's taking the **** a bit - regain some dignity
- 19-01-2010 20:54
Sucks about all his friends being ex-girlfriends. When I started seeing my boyfriend I saw all these comments on his facebook page from his mates saying stuff like "not another one!" and "you manwhore". I felt like one of many. Having said that, it's going well for us now, nearly a year together.
However, this sounds like a weird situtation. And more importantly, it sounds like you aren't happy with it.
- 19-01-2010 21:00
He is totally taking the **** out of you, hun. Reisen is right, so is Baby, save your dignity, we're young, we shouldn't be trying for crap relationships because if they are right they aren't meant to be hard work, let alone have alarm bells.
I worked hard at a **** relationship for three years, lived with him (moved down the country for him) and he cheated on me (TWICE!!!) and joined the army behind my back, then expected me to deal with it and because I was 200 miles from home I allowed myself to degrade myself by putting up with it, until I realised I was 23 at the time and too young for this **** so dumped him. I was rendered homeless but since then (about 16 months) I've found someone new and NOW I know what a relationship is supposed to feel like when two people are meant to be together. No hard work, no trust issues, no alarm bells and lots of laughing and GOOOOOOD sex ...
That's what you deserve, he's a ****!Last edited by strawberry; 20-01-2010 at 22:15.
- 19-01-2010 21:10
Dump him - he's going to cheat on you from the sounds of his behaviour. Can't get over a 2 year old ex? Bail from the ship before it goes under. You can either wait till he does something stupid, or leave asap - either way, it's sounding as healthy as cancer.