Hi all Long post alert. If you don't want to read the blurb, skip to the * at the bottom for a shorter version! Thanks!
I know there's plenty of threads here on the subject, and my situation is not that different...but I'd like to post this so that I can get it off my chest somehow, as I have no one around me to pour my heart out to.
Uni - so I've been told repeatedly in the past three years - is meant to be the best time of your life, especially the first year as you have a great mix of social and academic time and a lack of certain pressures that you'd have to encounter in the second year, plus everything is so new and exciting. Because of these comments, I always thought of Uni life as the 'Promised Land' free from being home, being independent, meeting new people, almost like playing 'house'...
...but, in all honestly, I'm not a very interesting person...i.e, I haven't had the opportunity to do certain things that other people have done and have taken for granted: (gone abroad, learned to drive, gone to music festivals etc). I have plenty of interests and hobbies, but a lot of them are so...immaterial. Plus, I'm very repressed...I have trouble being myself in front of strangers because I'm afraid they'd just look at me weird.
The obvious thing would be to do a gap year, which I strongly considered...but I was warned severely (mainly by relatives) that I would miss out, and I wouldn't be able to afford a gap year of real value. I wish I hadn't listened to them...
As a result, I've gone three months down the Uni line and have made nothing but 'acquaintances', on my course and outside of it. I get on very well with my flatmates - we cook together, go out together and have a laugh - but I'm not popular enough to gain a place in the 'house'.
My one solace is that two of my best friends from High School have come to the same uni, and I see them on a fairly regular basis (they live on campus, whereas I'm a further 20 mins away). If it weren't for them, I don't know where I'd be.
I joined a society, but the people at the top are ridiculous at organizing meetings, to the point that all the first years have lost interest. I don't know if its too late to join another society or not?
I read threads on here talking of the same problem, which kept me going - knowing I wasn't alone - but after a really nice Christmas with flatmates and then at home, I came back here - aware of the prospect of another 6 months of Uni and only 6 months max to find a house to live in, and remembered there had been a total of two days in the previous term when I hadn't spoken to one individual throughout - and I looked at myself in the mirror and cried.
That's when I knew I had to let it out...rather than pretend that everything was gonna be fine and that good friends will come eventually and naturally.
*I have no friends at University - that is, no new particularly good friends who share much of my interests, humour, background and habits. Other people seem to find friends easily, but everyday I'm feeling more and more like an outsider and that I want to go home and take that gap year. Leave the 'promised land'. Stop playing 'house'. Even better, go back in time and see all my old friends again before they outgrew me and this time grow with them, rather than just end up being an overgrown kid in a flat.
Please, guys. I've wasted three months...how can I fix my life?
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Three months at Uni and hardly any good/close friends watch
- 19-01-2010 22:50
- 20-01-2010 17:36
- 20-01-2010 18:04
Im sure there are people out there with the same interests and hobbies!
Nothing a little bit of self confidence won't sort out
- 20-01-2010 18:24
Having been in the same situation myself I would say the most important thing to do is to go and find the people who share some of your interests and values - don't wait for them to come to you because life doesn't work out like that and you might end up attracting a posse of no-hopers/people you secretly don't like but hang out with anyway.
You say you have a number of hobbies so be proactive and find out if there're any societies out there that will allow you to pursue these and meet like-minded people. Seriously, you'll be surprised at how many people share supposedly 'obscure' hobbies such as Warhammer collecting and skydiving (yes, really!)
Finally, try to show up to as many uni-arranged events/nights out as you can, even if it's not your usual thing - it'll create a good talking point for people you meet around uni and be a great short-cut to making friends.
Best of luck and I really hope you'll be happier for the remainder of 1st year!
- 20-01-2010 18:31
same problem. I'm still figuring it out- everyone I ask advises me to join societies- so that's what I'll do when I can get round to it!
don't let the 'its the best time of your life' thing get to you- its not true for a lot of people and it just pressurizes everyone. just make it your aim to do your best to make friends and have fun
- 20-01-2010 18:34
i don't think it's too late in the year to join some new societies. your housemates seem to like you so there's no reason other people won't like you as well once you meet them.
- 21-01-2010 18:00
Thank you so much guys
I know I should go and look for them, but at the moment that seems tremendously difficult.
Yeah, that one society I joined should have been a good teamwork/bonding thing, since its a student TV/Radio/Magazine thing with editors, technical editors, presenters and whatnot which I'm really interested in - but the showrunners are third years, and understandably don't have a lot of time to sort stuff out and let us get onto something constructive, rather than turn up at a meeting table. There were many first-years there to start off with, but they disappeared quickly once they realised no-one had a clue what was happening.
Being myself is something I'd love to do again in front of coursemates I guess I'm an odd fit, I was really lucky to be accepted onto the course (Music) in the first place - but I guess that came at a small price. A lot of them are - well, not posh - but well experienced, mature and very invested in their craft. I took to the guys I can see eye to eye to - but after lectures/seminars/anything course related they disappear and just become statuses on Facebook.
I do hope its not too late to join societies...everyone was in a rush at the stalls, so I might have let something good pass my eye.
Anyway, thanks so much again. I will try harder.
- 21-01-2010 18:39
how come you're 20 mins out of campus? how did ur friends live on campus?? but do u live in halls?
- 21-01-2010 18:48
They live in catered halls very close to their respective departments and the Union. My self-catered halls are about a mile and a bit further out and are fairly removed from the others, with the student houses being the closest things to us.
I use the term 'campus' loosely .Last edited by EagleEye2007; 21-01-2010 at 18:54.