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Friends on and off and on and off

Ok gonna try and cut this down but apologies for the ramblings. so we're mates for about 3 years, then we become closer friends before she starts becoming really touchy-feely, we end up holding hands a lot, sharing a bed etc. but nothing goes any further than that. I develop feelings, am unsure if she shares them or not, am too scared to mis-interpret the situation and ruin the friendship so keep quiet until she says we should just stay as friends which leads to me to be upset, I tell her a week later I actually like her, she says I should've said so earlier and she only said what she did because she was unaware of my feelings but we still end up as leaving it as friends.

Then after a few months of awkwardness just after the new year, we talk about why we're drifting apart over a few drinks. We're both tipsy but not blind drunk and she asks if I still like her, she doesn't really respond when I say yes but realise nothing can happen. About 10 minutes later we're kissing in the street and even say we should keep things private before we've decided if we're gonna start going out. In the end we are going back to her place and things move on at a pace but never reach sex. She's drunk, but in my mind still knows what she's doing and wants it. So fast forward a week, I say we need to talk about stuff and she bluntly says things meant nothing and she was just stupidly drunk and feeling low which is why we got very intimate a week ago and I end up going back to feeling ****.

So question on my mind is - is being drunk really an excuse? I didn't think she was that drunk and we both knew what was going on and like to think it would've happened when sober, also (she disagrees). It's not like she would've got with any random stranger that night, or atleast I'd like to think not and still feel there's some potential between us. I think i'm stupid in thinking that though and for my own benefit should just drop things and not pursure it but can't help but have that nagging feeling in the back of my mind. Anyone else been in a similar situation? Not really sure what the point of this story was, think I just needed to get it off my chest :biggrin: