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Why do we (girls) turn down sex when we want it? watch

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    (Original post by OhNO!)
    she's not doing it indiscriminately, she's doing it with people she's sexually attracted to. sex is only 'extremely intimate' for you because you've placed on a bizarre and illogical pedestal by saving it for marriage.

    sex can be very intimate, but it can also be purely for pleasure - and indulging in the latter doesn't have to denigrate the former (I'd also add that sex purely for pleasure can be had in a relationship as well, and very meaningful and intimate sex can be had within a brief fling).
    I never accused anybody in particular of doing it indiscriminately. And by indiscriminately, I still meant anyone and everyone you happened to be attracted to anyway.

    In addition, people who believe in saving it for marriage aren't the only people who put it on a pedestal. The secular viewpoint of sex is also putting it on a pedestal, as it sees it as the most desirable thing anyone can achieve, and that we should do it as often as we possibly can with as many people as we possibly can.

    I'd also like to point out that saving it for marriage is not illogical in any way. It's not like we're never going to get it, and it's not like abstaining is hurting us in any way. But if you don't think that's something intimate and should be only shared with people you care about, then you have nothing to share with the people you care about. Even when you want to have intimate sex with a boyfriend, you still have nothing to offer him that you haven't given to some unimportant man you got with a month earlier.

    (Original post by Toaster Leavings)
    Perhaps, but I think this is a minority of people anyway, even in that article you posted it seemed to be 'f***buddies' or having affairs with the same partner. Anyway, the original point regarding the sentiment of sluttishness and indeed excessive promiscuous behaviour could arguably be said to come from religion, given that sexual liberation was much more forceful where the repression was at it's strongest.
    I suppose that could be the case. I don't know if it's a minority though. I'm not sure if that particular article mentioned it, but Britain also is in the lead when it comes to the number of sexual partners, with women having an average of something like 10 partners by the age of 21 (if my memory serves).

    And I wouldn't just blame religion, either. It could also be a shift in peoples' attitudes towards marriage. Not long ago, there was no need for premarital sex, as people got married at a much lower age. In today's world, when people get married in their mid 20s and early 30s, it seems they just don't want to wait for it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's the closest that two people can be physically- how is it bizarre to consider that intimate?
    Because actual physical proximity to someone doesn't really mean anything at all. The act of putting a penis into a vagina isn't necessarily intimate just because it means they're actually, physically near each other. This just seems like a really naive view of sex.

    And what is so illogical about putting it on a pedestal? I don't tell people I love them indiscriminately, because that would make it less special when I said it to someone to whom I really meant it. Are people who do the same with sex so different?
    Being in love with someone, and having sex with someone are two completely different things. The correlation you're trying to make just doesn't have to exist. It's like I said, you can have sex and it can be a way of expressing your love for the other person and that sort of sex is always bound up with massive amounts of feelings - but you can also have completely lustful sex which is just for fun and pleasure. the two experiences are completely different, and having the latter type doesn't belittle the former, they're just two separate experiences.

    It's like how you can have a really romantic kiss with your long-term partner, and that can be really lovely and meaningful. The fact that a few weeks before you two got together you might have pulled some complete random acquaintance in a club doesn't lessen the emotion in that later kiss - they're two different experience with different input and different emotions behind them.

    It's the emotions behind sex which makes it meaningful or not, not the actual act of having sex itself. and those emotions are completely disconnected to the impetus behind a one-night stand or a quick shag with a friend.

    Personally, i have no problem with other people having sex for pleasure, but I think the people who think that there is something wrong with them because they are unable to separate sex from feelings are the most repressed of all.
    I don't think there's anything WRONG with them - if people want to save themselves for marriage, that's fine, they can do whatever they like of course. I just think it's completely pointless and ridiculous, and they're narrowing their own experience.
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    (Original post by Delta Usafa)
    But if you don't think that's something intimate and should be only shared with people you care about, then you have nothing to share with the people you care about. Even when you want to have intimate sex with a boyfriend, you still have nothing to offer him that you haven't given to some unimportant man you got with a month earlier.
    What? I really don't understand this point of view. The type of sex I'd have with a partner who I was really serious about is completely different to sex I'd have with someone who I wasn't interested in having a relationship with. It's this idea of sex as one, unchanging, completely unmalleable act whose worth is entirely and completely bound up in the actual act itself which just amazes me. The sex I'd have with a partner is meaningful because of the relationship I'd have with them. I'm not going to 'run out' of that emotion by having sex with people just because I feel like it.

    From my experience, this just literally makes NO sense.
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    (Original post by O-Ren)
    I have never met women like this. Maybe these views are present in people with certain personality traits, perhaps I do not have friends with these personality traits.

    If I want to have sex, I have sex. I only hold off he is both a stranger and inviting me back somewhere I am not familiar with, because in that case it would be dangerous.

    I think some people are more easily influenced into going along with what society thinks is the right way to behave than others are.
    I actually adore your honesty so much. :tops: More women should take this viewpoint rather than being inhibited by what society expects from them. Sex is a natural instinct and I don't see why anyone should feel that they have to suppress this, as long as it's safe and consensual. :confused:
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    (Original post by Klare)
    All the stress from Uni work (especially during exam time) has really build up and I feel like I need to let off some steam. There are a few guys I know who fancy me but I've turned them down even though I am attracted to couple of them. I wouldn't want a relationship because I am just too busy for one at the moment, but if I don't have sex soon I might actually die. I haven't had a boyfriend in nearly 2 years.

    Man would never turn down sex with an attractive girl and they wouldn't worry about it affecting their reputation. Why do we? What is the whole idea of only sleeping with people you care about? I really wish I had a more male mentality. I would probably have so much more fun instead of being so scared of doing something I might regret.
    i always try to turn down sex, and will keep doing so until i'm married. there's more to life than having sex, and the physical pleasure you get from it is very temporary, and will never satisfy what you really want and need in life. find something or someone that will.
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    (Original post by Delta Usafa)
    You've never met a single woman who wasn't a whore?
    OP this is why you turn down sex^^ you face the medieval stigma.
    But hear this - when you're 50, you're not gonna be able to have sex with as many gorgeous men as you want.
    Society wants women and girls to be passive, virginal and innocent. Unfortunately, you dont even need to sleep with lots of men to be called a "whore" or a "slut" these days.

    But ultimately, sex is fun, natural, healthy and the fundamental basis of everything living and breathing in this world. So ignore the prudes, the religious nuts and the backward Victorian opinions and just do whatever the hell you want. Attach emotion when you want to and remove it when you want to.

    It really is no big deal. Just be safe.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Klare)
    I highly doubt that. I know plenty of girls who are single but do not sleep with guys who they are not dating even if they think the guy is good looking. If they do start dating someone, there is still some pressure to wait before having sex even though you don't want to.
    Can completely relate to you. I am really liberal and don't have a problem with any of my mates sleeping with people randomly, just tell them to enjoy themselves, yet when it comes to me I feel the need to have to make a guy wait even though I want sex just as much as them, I think it's me being worried about racking up numbers, something guys don't worry about and don't really need to worry about.
    Thing is people will always encourage you just to 'go for it' because they will feel less guilty about the things they've done in some cases.
    If you're really concerned maybe get a vibrator..? haha
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    I will sort you out for free. No strings attached, nobody will know a thing.

    ((Unless you're loud.))


    Disclaimer : This offer stands only as long as I deem you attractive, be this after 9 pints. I am not held responsible for any after effects up to and including pregnancy.
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    Because girls get called whores when they sleep with more than one guy, whereas guys get called legends. It's completely unfair. But that's life isn't it? Just sleep with the guys!
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    (Original post by OhNO!)
    What? I really don't understand this point of view. The type of sex I'd have with a partner who I was really serious about is completely different to sex I'd have with someone who I wasn't interested in having a relationship with. It's this idea of sex as one, unchanging, completely unmalleable act whose worth is entirely and completely bound up in the actual act itself which just amazes me. The sex I'd have with a partner is meaningful because of the relationship I'd have with them. I'm not going to 'run out' of that emotion by having sex with people just because I feel like it.

    From my experience, this just literally makes NO sense.
    The fact that you mentally approach sex differently between significant others and strangers doesn't make it any different. You're simply putting up a mental block. Sex is still sex, no matter how emotionally detached you may be from it.

    You may consider sex with a significant other more meaningful in your mind, but that doesn't mean it is. You're still sharing something with someone you've shared with many others in the past.

    (Original post by Antonia87)
    OP this is why you turn down sex^^ you face the medieval stigma.
    :rolleyes:

    Society wants women and girls to be passive, virginal and innocent. Unfortunately, you dont even need to sleep with lots of men to be called a "whore" or a "slut" these days.
    That's because sleeping with a lot of people isn't the only thing that defines promiscuity.

    But ultimately, sex is fun, natural, healthy and the fundamental basis of everything living and breathing in this world. So ignore the prudes, the religious nuts and the backward Victorian opinions and just do whatever the hell you want. Attach emotion when you want to and remove it when you want to.
    I like how anybody who doesn't have a positive attitude towards promiscuous sex is now inferior in everyone's eyes.
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    Speak for yourself love; when I want it I don't turn it down!
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    (Original post by Delta Usafa)
    The fact that you mentally approach sex differently between significant others and strangers doesn't make it any different. You're simply putting up a mental block. Sex is still sex, no matter how emotionally detached you may be from it.

    You may consider sex with a significant other more meaningful in your mind, but that doesn't mean it is. You're still sharing something with someone you've shared with many others in the past.
    I don't really know how you can presume to tell me how meaningful or not the sex I have is. How can something be meaningful 'in my mind', but not actually meaningful? What else is it that makes something meaningful if not your own attitude and emotions towards it?

    How is it that YOU know I'm actually having meaningless, unfulfilled sex, and that I'm just deluding myself? I guess what I'm asking is, how can anyone from outside a couple dare to suggest how meaningful or not that sex that couple is having is?
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    (Original post by OhNO!)
    I don't really know how you can presume to tell me how meaningful or not the sex I have is. How can something be meaningful 'in my mind', but not actually meaningful? What else is it that makes something meaningful if not your own attitude and emotions towards it?

    How is it that YOU know I'm actually having meaningless, unfulfilled sex, and that I'm just deluding myself? I guess what I'm asking is, how can anyone from outside a couple dare to suggest how meaningful or not that sex that couple is having is?
    I don't see how you can presume that something you give to all kinds of people could possibly be meaningful period.
    • #5
    #5

    Because we have standards. :yup:
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    (Original post by O-Ren)
    I don't actively look for ****, it just happens that after meeting and befriending two dozen men there's going to be on average, one, that makes me go weak at the knees.
    thats the tranquilizers that is...
    :p:
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    I don't plan to. I plan to be sensible about things, because I am not an animal. If it's dangerous (both physically and, especially for me, mentally) then I won't do it. For me, I know casual sex would be mentally dangerous. Also, for me, I wouldn't be able to have casual sex and then do the same thing with someone else and it be special. It would either all be about he physical pleasure or it would always involve emotions I intend to share only with someone very special.
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    (Original post by Delta Usafa)
    I don't see how you can presume that something you give to all kinds of people could possibly be meaningful period.
    I don't "presume" it. But, I've already explained that about ten million times. What is it about the actual, physical act of inserting a penis into a vagina which is so intrinsically meaningful? It's your feelings towards the person who you're sharing the act with that makes it 'special' or not. Sex can actually be different (shock horror) depending on the people involved, it's not just what their genitals are doing which makes it important to me or not.

    You still haven't answered my question though. How can anyone from outside a couple dare to suggest how meaningful or not that sex that couple is having is?
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    (Original post by OhNO!)
    I don't "presume" it. But, I've already explained that about ten million times. What is it about the actual, physical act of inserting a penis into a vagina which is so intrinsically meaningful? It's your feelings towards the person who you're sharing the act with that makes it 'special' or not. Sex can actually be different (shock horror) depending on the people involved, it's not just what their genitals are doing which makes it important to me or not.

    You still haven't answered my question though. How can anyone from outside a couple dare to suggest how meaningful or not that sex that couple is having is?
    The actual, physical act of inserting a penis into a vagina is meaningful because that's the closest tangible connection possible between two people. It's like all the feelings two people have built for each other meeting in a way that you can physically feel. You may think my idea is ridiculous, but that's something I'm not going to just give away to any person I think is hot.

    And I'm not saying anything about how meaningful sex is between any given couple. I'm just saying that logically, if something is meaningful to you, it's not something you just pass out. And if something isn't normally meaningful to you, it doesn't just become meaningful just because you want it to.

    And no, you haven't really explained much. You've asked me a lot about what I think and how I can possibly think that, but you haven't given me much of an explanation that answers or refutes the thoughts I presented.
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    (Original post by Delta Usafa)
    I like how anybody who doesn't have a positive attitude towards promiscuous sex is now inferior in everyone's eyes.
    And I like how people (no, sorry, women) who actually enjoy casual are inferior in everyone's eyes. Whores, sluts, ****s, dirty...
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    (Original post by Antonia87)
    And I like how people (no, sorry, women) who actually enjoy casual are inferior in everyone's eyes.
    Ohhh so now it's a sexism issue. Well for your information, I'm opposed to casual sex period. But I don't think someone is inferior as a human being just for doing it.
 
 
 
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