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    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    :cry: :cry:

    Please either keep this anonymous or delete for obvious reasons.

    I feel so sad. I feel so lonely. I'm hitting a perpetual cycle of depression at the age of 20. I used to be so happy and so cheerful. I am a male and a virgin and I think I'm never going to change that. I can't see myself ever being in a relationship with a girl. I face continual rejection while everyone around me (including friends) is getting it all the time.

    I don't have the confidence and my self-esteem is hitting rock bottom.

    I'm so worried and I think my life is in danger at the moment.

    I don't know who to turn to. I'm worried that people will think the misery I'm in now isn't serious and is curable but it isn't. I have tried everything to make an effort with the opposite sex and it hasn't worked.

    I can feel the strain I'm under now. I can feel the fact I have no motivation. I can feel the fact that I have to drink alcohol to have any single gram of confidence when going out at night.

    I don't want to drop out of Uni and I don't want to die. I want to know what's wrong with me! I have a lot to lose but I still feel horrible.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    BTW I've never had a girlfriend. The only kisses I've EVER had have been drunked snogs in night clubs.

    I'm starting to think that everyone else thinks they are better than me.

    What does this mean?

    I hate watching everyone else couple up with various different people virtually every week while I get nothing.

    It makes me feel like I'm invisible to girls and because I'm a guy I feel any sad feelings will always be unnoticed or ignored. I feel that if no-one notices me I might as well not be here.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Bump.

    I need someone who can think more rationally than I can to try and explain why I'm so grim and low.

    Has anyone ever felt this way before or feel like this now?
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    Maybe you've set your sights too high. Even the weirdest, ugliest, most deplorable human beings can still get a shag otherwise Jeremy Kyle would be out of a job.
    • #2
    #2

    Are you really activley trying to get girls?

    Maybe you're trying too hard, just get on with other stuff. Concentrate on your work and stuff, have female friends and you'll get some-one, if you're out there but not looking desperate it'll happen.
    • #3
    #3

    At least you're at uni. I'll be 20 in a month yet I still haven't got out of my parents house cos of my depression.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Are you really activley trying to get girls?

    Maybe you're trying too hard, just get on with other stuff. Concentrate on your work and stuff, have female friends and you'll get some-one, if you're out there but not looking desperate it'll happen.
    It's not my sole purpose for going out. I try to start conversations with girls occasionally but not all the time. I certainly don't go out actively solely to get a shag at all.

    I try hard but maybe it's because I don't look like I want one thing. Every girl I like just seems to get taken or clearly has no interest in me and I don't see myself getting a girlfriend.

    Anyway that's not the main thing I'm worried about. It's the fact I'm entering a perpetual cycle of depression with my self-esteem and esteem being demolished regularly. I don't want to do something stupid but nasty thoughts are telling me I'll never find someone and my life isn't worth living.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    At least you're at uni. I'll be 20 in a month yet I still haven't got out of my parents house cos of my depression.


    May I ask what brought on your depression?

    Did you start by feeling the same way as I feel now?
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    You have shattered confidence so you probably look shy and introverted when you are trying to socialise. This explains why you need alcohol to help you gain confidence.

    Try enhancing your image? Go to the gym, get some nice clothes make an effort. People will see a difference you will feel better and you should radiate confidence.

    You will then hopefully be able to speak to women and get out there and have fun...women like guys who are funny, hold good conversation and are fun..

    Don't rush the virgin thing my bf was a virgin til he was 20. He was so shy that I asked him out and he is less shy now.

    Get out there!!
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    Oh and he was depressed too...he never did get any grades at A-level and he works a job he hates and has no mates in London (they are all in Peterborough). He's a good lad if you want his details PM me hes just joined TSR.

    He would speak to you and try and help.
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    I have seen this so much from friends at university its scary. The amount of people who get depressed whilst uni is amazing. i think its because of all the big changes that happen to your life in such a short time.

    All i can say is stick at it, and try some of the things said by I<3LAMP said, totally perfect advice for you.

    just remember if you want something enough, you will do it.
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    Low self esteem isn't attractive. It's pretty much as simple as that. If you're shy and awkward and never think anyone will fancy you, then they won't! It's like how people often become more attractive when they start a relationship: because suddenly they've got all this confidence and self esteem and they feel good about themselves. So this is kinda like a vicious circle - you're not going to attract anyone by moping and overanalysing your life.
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    I have two male friends who have both only recently lost their virginity, they were 23 and 24, I know it's hard to hear people telling you to concentrate on something else but believe me, it is probably the best way to get through what's happening to you. If you relax and stop thinking about the sex thing, concentrate on the other parts of your life, your friends, your possible study/work options and making new friends, you need to focus on the people who love you for who you are right now. I don't think meeting someone on a night out is the way to do it, I think you're going to constantly be feeling insecure, you need to find another outlet, somewhere you can be comfortable where you can meet people & make new friends. Actually, as I<3Lamp suggested, I found going to the gym was a great way to meet people and feel good about yourself, especially in classes.

    I went through a severe bought of depression when I was 15-18, and since I've been fighting every day to stay up & out of that low. Obviously everyone's experiences are different but I know how you're feeling to a certain extent.

    Please feel free to PM me if you just want someone to chat to x Be safe
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    Im really sorry to hear this, I suffer from really severe depression which I currently have under control so if you need to talk anytime then pm me and I will try to help x
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    BTW I've never had a girlfriend. The only kisses I've EVER had have been drunked snogs in night clubs.

    I'm starting to think that everyone else thinks they are better than me.

    What does this mean?

    I hate watching everyone else couple up with various different people virtually every week while I get nothing.

    It makes me feel like I'm invisible to girls and because I'm a guy I feel any sad feelings will always be unnoticed or ignored. I feel that if no-one notices me I might as well not be here.
    I've felt the same - depression can really ruin your life. I was bullied at school, so had no self confidence and have therefore never properly coupled up, or had a proper gf and I'm 26. So I often feel really depressed. But I think that's part of the problem - being depressed can make you stay in, stop being social and active, get to know even fewer people etc. It's really not good. Plus it can become a downward spiral, making you feel worse and worse, until the only option is suicide.

    I think it's important to recognise the signs when you start to feel depressed, and make yourself fight out of the loop. Listen to upbeat music, call friends, watch a comedy dvd, list the good things in your life etc. You need to fight it, and make your life better and better!
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    (Original post by Bekaboo)
    Low self esteem isn't attractive. It's pretty much as simple as that. If you're shy and awkward and never think anyone will fancy you, then they won't! It's like how people often become more attractive when they start a relationship: because suddenly they've got all this confidence and self esteem and they feel good about themselves. So this is kinda like a vicious circle - you're not going to attract anyone by moping and overanalysing your life.
    Totally agree.

    You're probably trying too hard and coming across as either a bit desperate or as though you're only after one thing.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks people.

    The thing is I fluctuate. I make a good impression some times but a horrific impression on other occasions that makes me want to die of embarrassment. I dress well, I'm certainly not ugly, I'm tall and thin so I know confidence is just the one thing I need. Sometimes I feel that's missing sometimes I feel it's not. I come across as confident in most situations even if I am ******** myself really!

    I go to the gym which might slowly enhance my image and gain some confidence but for guys like us it doesn't take much for it to be ripped up again!

    A depressive mood is unpredictable. Sometimes I feel fine but other times as woeful as I do now. I hope I'm just being a hypochondriac when it comes to actual depression but I want to get on top of it before it even gets to such a level.

    I guess I am just the latest of young people thrown into a three-year drink-fuelled shag fest and then being made to feel behind everyone else somehow.

    Anyway thanks for the advice. I will rep and PM some people who have replied in near time.
    • #5
    #5

    I'm 20, a virgin, never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl.

    Yeah, I get depressed sometimes. Of course I do. And I know what it's like, and I know that it's hard to make an effort to stop being depressed.

    Sounds like you have some good friends, though. Make sure you keep them around. If you can, let them know how you feel, and they'll hopefully make an effort to help you feel better. When I'm down, nothing cheers me up more than a friend trying to help me, even though they fail miserably...it's the intention that matters.

    One thing that may help, if you're really bad - go to the doctors, explain that you're feeling depressed. It's nothing to be ashamed of, they hear it all the time. Get some anti-depressants, and these'll help to pick you up and get you back on track.

    Keep yourself occupied. Don't let it get to you. The more you think about it the worse it gets.

    I'm not going to say 'You're going to find someone soon, I know it!' because that's infinitely patronising and doesn't help at all.
    Hopefully you will. But, hey. We can't all have everything. Make the best of what you do have.
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    Hey OP, just wanted to say PM me if you want a chat cause I know what you're going through x
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    If you have a problem with still being a virgin, that's probably a matter of the people you socialise with, as in, them thinking about little else is having a negative influence on you. Personally, I have no interest in sex, but that's because i'm deeply disturbed, so I can get on equally well with people of either gender, perhaps a good idea would be to stop treating females as something you desire, and simply think of them as other people you can be friends with, develop relationships with them as a good friend, and then they will start coming to you. I get this quite often...
 
 
 
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