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He "loves" me but doesn't want a relationship. watch

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    My and this guy have been together for nearly 6 months. we're basically like a boyfriend and girlfirend. People call it "dealing". but, im not officially his girlfriend.
    He said he doesn't want a girlfriend because of his last relationship, when him and his ex started going out, and being bf and gf.. thing got complex. he said that relationships complicate things and its too much "dedication". I know he hasn't cheated on me. and he treats me well.. i just want something more. When i bring the subject up. he says "why are you so desperate for a boyfriend" But idont understand what to do.. because this leaves us with no future. if he doesnt want a girlfriend, and he likes things as me and him "dealing" then that results in us both wanting different things..
    please give me some advice, im really stuck.
    I love him to bits, and i don't want to break up with him, because it'll crush me. However, if he doesnt want a girlfriend. where does that leave us?
    Thankss x
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    I really think he needs an ultimatum. A relationship or nothing. You need to tell him how this is making you feel. Tell him it's not desperation for a boyfriend, but you genuinely want to be with him. Make sure he knows that not all relationships are the same, and you won't be the same as his ex.

    But if he thinks just being boyfriend and girlfriend is too much 'dedication'... is he worth it? Or does he have funny ideas about it?
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    (Original post by Roshni01)
    Re: He "loves" me but doesn't want a relationship.
    Course he does love.
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    Maybe he loves you so much that he doesn't want to risk losing what you have together. If he commits to you he'll have to abstain from sleeping with anybody else and that would ruin everything.
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    (Original post by aliluvschoc)
    I really think he needs an ultimatum. A relationship or nothing. You need to tell him how this is making you feel. Tell him it's not desperation for a boyfriend, but you genuinely want to be with him. Make sure he knows that not all relationships are the same, and you won't be the same as his ex.

    But if he thinks just being boyfriend and girlfriend is too much 'dedication'... is he worth it? Or does he have funny ideas about it?

    I think he's just scared to ruin what we have, because thats what happened with his ex. but tbh, his ex was bi-polar, and therefore, me and him will definatly not be as messed up as them two were. I know he wants me, but i dont understand why he is so reluctant. WHAT DOES HE WANT. -_-
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    (Original post by Howard)
    Maybe he loves you so much that he doesn't want to risk losing what you have together. If he commits to you he'll have to abstain from sleeping with anybody else and that would ruin everything.
    hmm.. so you think he doesn't want me as his girlfriend because he wants to do things with other chicks too?
    but we've been close for around 6months, and we're practically boyfriend and girlfriend. He's never cheated on me.. well.. i don't think he has, i trust him. so whats his issue?
    Thanks loads! x
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    Don't give him an ultimatum, it makes you sound stupid and you risk him not choosing a relationship. Plus you don't want to force him into a relationship he doesn't want to be in, right? He hasn't genuinely done anything to hurt you. I think you should try to talk to him again. Tell him you're not demanding it, but you just want to explain how you feel about it. Explain you're not desperate for a boyfriend, but that you want to be with him, like someone else said. Just try to make him see your side of things. If all fails, would you rather be with him like this or not at all?
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    (Original post by Maria91)
    Don't give him an ultimatum, it makes you sound stupid and you risk him not choosing a relationship. Plus you don't want to force him into a relationship he doesn't want to be in, right? He hasn't genuinely done anything to hurt you. I think you should try to talk to him again. Tell him you're not demanding it, but you just want to explain how you feel about it. Explain you're not desperate for a boyfriend, but that you want to be with him, like someone else said. Just try to make him see your side of things. If all fails, would you rather be with him like this or not at all?
    Thats exactly what i was thinking. if i say "its either my as your girlfriend or nothing" i'll simply look like some relationship freak. right? But i don't want to keep bringing it up, because he'll just feel suffocated, and feel like he's being pushed into something. I like things the way they are now, but i just want there to be some hope for the future.. If this is just a "dealing" thing for another few years, then does that mean he's just waiting for it to end.. and not making me his girlfriend would just be an easy exit. no mess.
    ?
    Thanks! x
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    He doesnt love you.
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    (Original post by Roshni01)
    Thats exactly what i was thinking. if i say "its either my as your girlfriend or nothing" i'll simply look like some relationship freak. right? But i don't want to keep bringing it up, because he'll just feel suffocated, and feel like he's being pushed into something. I like things the way they are now, but i just want there to be some hope for the future.. If this is just a "dealing" thing for another few years, then does that mean he's just waiting for it to end.. and not making me his girlfriend would just be an easy exit. no mess.
    ?
    Thanks! x
    the same thing happened to me! well, i just asked him.. if everything is worth it or not.. i told him, it's fine with me if he doesn't want anything now, but i just need to know whether I'm holding on to nothing or not..
    i would suggest, dont pressurize him, but just ask him casually is there any future or not..

    hope it helps!
    • #1
    #1

    I know how you are feeling, as I am in a similar situation.

    I'm 17, and have been 'seeing" this guy for about 4 months, but he is not by boyfriend. He tells me he loves me, not excessively, but at the perfect times. We basically realize that we're "together" when we talk about "us" but we aren't officially "together."

    Perhaps my situation is a little different from yours.. he lives 30 minutes away, and we go to different schools. We talk over the phone and on facebook, but I can't say that we've ever been in each other's arms.

    So, my advice to you would be... that you have to follow your heart. Don't push him, and let things take their course. This is not easy, I have to admit, but perhaps there are reasons he has that prevent him from wanting a technical relationship. As long as you two have each other, what difference do titles such as "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" make?

    Anywho.. even if you do not want to take my advice, listen to yourself.

    Best wishes.
 
 
 
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