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Majorly screwed up with my girl. watch

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    (Original post by Delta Usafa)
    That wasn't in the context of the apology though, or if it is, he was failing to distinguish between the two. His very first post in thread was bashing the girl for being upset about him falling asleep, it had nothing to do with her accepting or rejecting an apology.

    But even so, I still find it somewhat reasonable to have a hard time accepting the apology. Had it been the first time, it would be a lot easier to accept his apology as sincere. But he admitted that it's happened before, so it makes sense that the repeated occurrence could make her feel particularly untrusting about it. I do think she should accept it though.
    He fell asleep, how does that mean she can't trust him? And all the people who say he has a sleep disorder, if you find it so easy to stay awake late at night, maybe you're the one with a problem.

    I've fallen asleep in the middle of conversations by text and by msn, and to be honest, the people who I've done it too have laughed it off. And yeah, maybe there mother wasn't going in for a routine surgery , but some people have been going through tough times too.

    I think she over reacted. If he stopped the conversation to go and play xbox or have a ****, then fine. But he didn't, he was tired and he obviously needed sleep to just fall asleep in the middle of the conversation.
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    (Original post by Kyoujin)
    Having just read over my posts, I think I've been putting her in somewhat of a bad light. She's not as over the top as she sounds, but I do think it's a bit of an over reaction. I know she's dealing with a lot and the last thing she needs is her boyfriend not being there. Though it's true what you said about the image she has of me, she tells me that I'm perfect and amazing and such. I don't mean to make her sound childish or naive, because she really isn't, she's just been in a long relationship (about 5/6 years - we've been together a couple of months) and the guy was a great boyfriend, but never chivalrous or never did things like driving to her house at 3am just to see her. Kind of wishing I'd posted this as anonymous now because I don't want to seem like I'm showing off, but I know what to say and how to treat her and what she wants (usually), as I know exactly where I've gone wrong in previous relationships. He was never like that. So I've been the perfect boyfriend since we got together, and now I guess I've painted an image I can't match. Does this sound as bad as I think it does? I don't mean to say I've misled her, I would do anything for her that I could, but I've fallen short of her image and I don't know if she's taken it so badly she won't get over it or she just needs time. I know everyone always says "she just needs time" but no one is the same and I'm just bricking them that it's not a case of giving her time and there's something I should be doing/saying to make it right.
    You fell asleep. Don't overcomplicate matters.

    Yes, in a completely irrational way I can understand why she is annoyed, but she is speaking to you, and you have apologised about it. She's going through such a difficult time so is lashing out, overtime she will know not to be pissed off about this. Deep down she would know it anyway. Just be there for her, and it may be worth putting your phone on "loud" setting.
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    Oh no, RollerBall neg repped me! "Look at me, I'm negging someone I just argued with, how original am I?" :rolleyes:

    (Original post by haveyoumetmissjones)
    He fell asleep, how does that mean she can't trust him? And all the people who say he has a sleep disorder, if you find it so easy to stay awake late at night, maybe you're the one with a problem.

    I've fallen asleep in the middle of conversations by text and by msn, and to be honest, the people who I've done it too have laughed it off. And yeah, maybe there mother wasn't going in for a routine surgery , but some people have been going through tough times too.

    I think she over reacted. If he stopped the conversation to go and play xbox or have a ****, then fine. But he didn't, he was tired and he obviously needed sleep to just fall asleep in the middle of the conversation.
    I don't have a hard time falling asleep at night... he's the one who thinks he has a sleeping disorder. It's not normal to have a hard time staying awake mid-conversation before midnight.

    And I've fallen asleep mid-conversation too, but that really doesn't mean anything. There's a difference between them going through a rough time (might not have even been talking to you about it and getting comfort, either) and their parents actually dying.

    I hate having to repeat myself too, but I'll do it again... I know she was overreacting. However, it's a perfectly understandable way for her to react considering her emotional state.
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    (Original post by Delta Usafa)
    Oh no, RollerBall neg repped me! "Look at me, I'm negging someone I just argued with, how original am I?" :rolleyes:


    I don't have a hard time falling asleep at night... he's the one who thinks he has a sleeping disorder. It's not normal to have a hard time staying awake mid-conversation before midnight.

    And I've fallen asleep mid-conversation too, but that really doesn't mean anything. There's a difference between them going through a rough time (might not have even been talking to you about it and getting comfort, either) and their parents actually dying.

    I hate having to repeat myself too, but I'll do it again... I know she was overreacting. However, it's a perfectly understandable way for her to react considering her emotional state.
    Firstly you presume his neg was an attempt at originality. Unless he's explicitly stated such, your retort falls flat.

    Secondly whilst it's understandable do you think he has an obligation to put up with her irrational dis-trust to her?
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    Firstly you presume his neg was an attempt at originality. Unless he's explicitly stated such, your retort falls flat.

    Secondly whilst it's understandable do you think he has an obligation to put up with her irrational dis-trust to her?
    At the moment I do. I wouldn't think so if it continued though, I do think she needs to get over it fairly soon. Hopefully he picked her up in time this morning, ha.

    And I was being sarcastic, so I didn't literally mean he was trying to be original. Just making a remark about the lameness of negging someone for no particularly good reason other than a disagreement, especially when he was the one being aggressive.
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    (Original post by Delta Usafa)
    At the moment I do. I wouldn't think so if it continued though, I do think she needs to get over it fairly soon. Hopefully he picked her up in time this morning, ha.

    And I was being sarcastic, so I didn't literally mean he was trying to be original. Just making a remark about the lameness of negging someone for no particularly good reason other than a disagreement, especially when he was the one being aggressive.
    Still you're less open to ad hom. attacks by not bringing the rep discussion into it unless you are actually going to object to a particular point made in the rep.
    Furthermore where does the obligation come from?
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    Still you're less open to ad hom. attacks by not bringing the rep discussion into it unless you are actually going to object to a particular point made in the rep.
    Furthermore where does the obligation come from?
    "Learn to read properly" was the message, so it's not like there's a leg to stand on there.

    And the obligation comes from being her boyfriend in a time where she needs someone. When you're with someone you love and they're going through serious crap, you should understand that they're going to act irrational and just wait it out, because they still need you and they'll realize that after the fact.
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    (Original post by Delta Usafa)
    "Learn to read properly" was the message, so it's not like there's a leg to stand on there.

    And the obligation comes from being her boyfriend in a time where she needs someone. When you're with someone you love and they're going through serious crap, you should understand that they're going to act irrational and just wait it out, because they still need you and they'll realize that after the fact.
    I don't see where that prescription comes from. He has a choice, he can act in such a way, and it would seem best in the interests of the relationship to do so. But to use that argument would imply that the relationship is intrinsically a good thing, it isn't necessarily.
    Even if he isn't there in such a way it doesn't mean the relationship will end, and even if he is there in such a way it doesn't mean the relationship will continue.
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    When advice threads turn ugly! Wow, arguments all over the place. Not that it's important, but I've not slept properly since getting back from holiday on Sunday, and I felt so drained all yesterday so that probably has something to do with falling asleep so early. Being away last week may have added to the situation as all her friends were away too, so I left her on her own (though the holiday was booked before we got together).

    An update if anyone is interested: after I got her talking to me again last night/this morning, she asked me to pick her up and was ok to see me (possibly because she doesn't have any other mode of transport). So I turned up with her favourite flowers - worst idea ever - and she tells me she doesn't want them (they were really expensive!!!!!!!) because she hates apologies. I've never bought flowers for anyone before, I always thought it was such a cliché. I really hate clichés. Anyway, she was fine with me after that. She told me she's calmed down and is "only a bit angry", and was making jokes about me being able to stay awake to do work tonight and laughing about it. However, forgiven I don't think I am. We'll have to see.

    Also, an FYI: I've asked the mods to delete this thread because if anyone on here knows her they could probably work out who I'm talking about, and I don't want her to find out I was moaning about her on a forum :P So if the thread suddenly disappears then that's why.

    Cheers again everyone!
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    I don't see where that prescription comes from. He has a choice, he can act in such a way, and it would seem best in the interests of the relationship to do so. But to use that argument would imply that the relationship is intrinsically a good thing, it isn't necessarily.
    Even if he isn't there in such a way it doesn't mean the relationship will end, and even if he is there in such a way it doesn't mean the relationship will continue.
    But one of the main points of being in a relationship is for both people to provide mutual emotional support for each other. While not being there in that way may not end it, it would kind of be missing the point. And we can't really decide whether or not continuing the relationship would be good or bad, as this story is the only thing we know about it.

    (Original post by Kyoujin)
    So I turned up with her favourite flowers - worst idea ever - and she tells me she doesn't want them (they were really expensive!!!!!!!) because she hates apologies.
    Well that's rather ungrateful...
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    (Original post by Advanced Subsidiary)
    so? if you're tired, you're tired. can't help that. she has to understand.
    See, my boyfriend did it to me once (though not when anything as bad as that was going on in my life), and I couldn't see that as an acceptable excuse - because no one just drops off to sleep without feeling it might happen. You must KNOW you're really tired at that point, and I was annoyed because he should have said something to warn me. So I can see why she'd be annoyed, and with being really distressed, it would have magnified the issue.

    She is dragging it out a bit, but I guess she's just massively stressed at the moment - I think all you need to do is really apologise, tell her you'll be there whenever, and make sure you really make an effort to follow through with all plans and be super-reliable. You'll be back in the good books soon enough - I'm sure when the operation is safely over she'll calm down and maybe apologise for her behaviour.

    EDIT: Just saw what you said about the flowers - that's a shame, can you give them to your mum or something? In any case, even if she didn't "accept" them, I think they still would have softened her up a bit and made a difference.
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    (Original post by Delta Usafa)
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    I neg repped you because you were pompous and insulting. It had nothing to do with having a disagreement. I have had many debates on this forum and I neg rep very few people in them.

    Questioning my understanding of simple social matters and questioning my character. Just because you weren’t outright insulting does not mean that you can't be. Constantly questioning my ability to understand basic logic implies stupidity. Constantly questioning my ability to understand emotions is labelling me as apathetic.

    I understand perfectly well what the situation is, and if you could actually read and understand my posts you would see that I *shock horror* have a difference of opinion to you. I gave up debating with you after you acting pompous and arrogant.

    Baffling somebody would have a different opinion to you, eh? I know many people, and I have no issue with emotions. You have no idea who I am, nor what I do on a day to day basis. On the flip side, perhaps it is you who has issues understanding emotions because you seem to have no idea how to understand people, or different opinions.

    The dig at your inability to read was the fact you constantly referenced her mother as close to death when in fact she was just having a routine operation.

    Although, I question you with your very witty might I add "Learn to not be a ****" remark. I think somebody else in this thread needs to grow up a little bit.


    (Original post by there's too much love)
    **
    Thank you for being able to see both sides of an argument. Remind me to +rep you tomorrow.
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    (Original post by Delta Usafa)
    But one of the main points of being in a relationship is for both people to provide mutual emotional support for each other. While not being there in that way may not end it, it would kind of be missing the point. And we can't really decide whether or not continuing the relationship would be good or bad, as this story is the only thing we know about it.


    Well that's rather ungrateful...
    That entirely depends on the relationship.
    And would it be missing the point?
    That all depends on the point itself, like I said the OP needs to be careful to not become a well appreciated Butler. Unless of course the OP wants that (but that seems doubtful).
    I didn't say we could decide it, just that you were making some major presumptions, that you still seem to be making.

    OP:
    If she doesn't like apologies I'd question why that is?
    Of course we can't know but could it be due to wanting to pretend nothing bad happened?
    Or perhaps even be her thinking she shouldn't be angry at you?
    All very hard to tell. Communication, as always, will be key.
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    (Original post by Jelkin)
    See, my boyfriend did it to me once (though not when anything as bad as that was going on in my life), and I couldn't see that as an acceptable excuse - because no one just drops off to sleep without feeling it might happen. You must KNOW you're really tired at that point, and I was annoyed because he should have said something to warn me. So I can see why she'd be annoyed, and with being really distressed, it would have magnified the issue.

    She is dragging it out a bit, but I guess she's just massively stressed at the moment - I think all you need to do is really apologise, tell her you'll be there whenever, and make sure you really make an effort to follow through with all plans and be super-reliable. You'll be back in the good books soon enough - I'm sure when the operation is safely over she'll calm down and maybe apologise for her behaviour.

    EDIT: Just saw what you said about the flowers - that's a shame, can you give them to your mum or something? In any case, even if she didn't "accept" them, I think they still would have softened her up a bit and made a difference.
    I personally feel that people overreact to certain situations. Someone has slept on the phone while talking to me before. I doesn't really warrant the person being yelled at the follow day because of that. The only time I would be angry at someone for going to sleep while talking to me would be if I was about to die or something.

    Then again, this was over MSN. She/he should've called the other person.
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    (Original post by Jelkin)
    You must KNOW you're really tired at that point
    Yeah I was absolutely shattered, but I was trying to stay awake for her. I didn't want to say anything because I thought she might think "He's moaning about being tired when I have all this going on?!" So yeah.
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    (Original post by Delta Usafa)
    Are sleep therapists real, or does that just sound right in my head? If they're real, you may want to see one.
    Yeah, they are real, but there is nothing wrong with the OP. Because he fell asleep late at night when he was tired does not mean that he has narcolepsy. In fact the fact that he fell asleep like that means that he is probably pretty healthy tbh.
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    (Original post by Kyoujin)
    Yeah I was absolutely shattered, but I was trying to stay awake for her. I didn't want to say anything because I thought she might think "He's moaning about being tired when I have all this going on?!" So yeah.
    By the way if you go to your posts you can edit them, delete others (not the first one) etc.
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    That entirely depends on the relationship.
    And would it be missing the point?
    That all depends on the point itself, like I said the OP needs to be careful to not become a well appreciated Butler. Unless of course the OP wants that (but that seems doubtful).
    I didn't say we could decide it, just that you were making some major presumptions, that you still seem to be making.
    He can provide emotional support without becoming a "well appreciated butler" though. And all I assume is that it's a normal relationship, and normal relationships involve two people supporting each other when they need it.

    (Original post by RollerBall)
    I neg repped you because you were pompous and insulting. It had nothing to do with having a disagreement. I have had many debates on this forum and I neg rep very few people in them.
    I thought you were done talking to me? Anyway, not understanding your point of view is not pompous or insulting.

    Questioning my understanding of simple social matters and questioning my character. Just because you weren’t outright insulting does not mean that you can't be. Constantly questioning my ability to understand basic logic implies stupidity. Constantly questioning my ability to understand emotions is labelling me as apathetic.
    I didn't imply that you were stupid, but you came across as apathetic. Have you bothered to re-read your original post?

    I understand perfectly well what the situation is, and if you could actually read and understand my posts you would see that I *shock horror* have a difference of opinion to you. I gave up debating with you after you acting pompous and arrogant.
    Having a difference of opinion somehow gives you the right to treat another poster like crap? Mkay.

    Gotta wonder where it was that I was acting arrogant, though. Was it when I called you dense or a pompous wall? Oh wait, that wasn't me.

    Baffling somebody would have a different opinion to you, eh? I know many people, and I have no issue with emotions. You have no idea who I am, nor what I do on a day to day basis. On the flip side, perhaps it is you who has issues understanding emotions because you seem to have no idea how to understand people, or different opinions.
    That's lovely, I'm glad you know people.

    The dig at your inability to read was the fact you constantly referenced her mother as close to death when in fact she was just having a routine operation.
    She's having brain surgery to remove a tumor. He said nothing of a routine operation. Maybe you should read it again yourself before you question my ability to read. Especially when I continually had to repeat myself saying I know she is overreacting, but that never seemed to sink in.

    Although, I question you with your very witty might I add "Learn to not be a ****" remark. I think somebody else in this thread needs to grow up a little bit.
    Guess that makes two of us?

    If you really feel like responding again, do us both a favor and make it a PM. I've had enough warnings in the past for off-topic spats with other posters.
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    (Original post by Delta Usafa)
    He can provide emotional support without becoming a "well appreciated butler" though. And all I assume is that it's a normal relationship, and normal relationships involve two people supporting each other when they need it.
    Again that doesn't mean there is an obligation.
    And when you assume like that you make an ass out of u me and the English Language.
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    Again that doesn't mean there is an obligation.
    And when you assume like that you make an ass out of u me and the English Language.
    If you're in a normal relationship, how are you not obligated to support your girlfriend when her mother could be dying? What is it that boyfriends are supposed to do in a situation like that, just not care?

    And if we're not allowed to assume, we're not allowed to say anything about the subject. But obviously that's the kind of relationship they have, judging by the fact that she got angry at him over this. If they had some sort of unusual relationship lacking an emotional component, then she wouldn't have cared whether he was there for her or not.
 
 
 
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