Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta

Is it better to lose virginity to a randomer, as it would hurt less emotionally? watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    For the past year I had a LDR with a guy I loved but he lived in Dubai. He ended it because he said he could tell being away from him was causing me pain and he loves me too much to hurt me, which he might in the future because his parents wouldn't like our relationship.....he wants me to get over him and get on with my life and be happy.

    I am dvastated, he was my best friend aswell as my bf. I am so hurt, and the thing is, this hurt has made me learn how much break up hurt. Due to the distance and everything we never actually had sex although we talked about it. I know that if we had the pain would hurt so much more.
    I'm thinking that maybe it would be easier to lose my virginity to someone who I didn't love or was serious about, cause if it was with someone who I was inlove with it wuld hurt so mch more when we break up.

    I'm pretty messed up right now, and not thinking clearly, but I keep thinking it would be easier and also make me feel it more attractive.

    I'm just asking really for peoples experiences, is it better to have sex first with someone you don't care about cause then future break ups wouldn't hut as much?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    yeah in all honesty emotionally it would be easier to lose it to a random person you dont care about. But then when you come to brake up its terrible trust me. But on the other hand in years to come i wont have any regrets and about who it was and the pain is only temperary.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm just asking really for peoples experiences, is it better to have sex first with someone you don't care about cause then future break ups wouldn't hut as much?
    No.

    I personally, don't buy into the 'you should wait for someone you really love because your virginity is special' but first time sex can be a very emotional and scary thing, and can often make you feel really vulnerable afterwards. There is no way on earth I'd have ever lost it to some I didn't care about, or someone that didn't care about me.

    If you're in a relationship with someone you love, then it will always hurt when you break up, regardless of whether you lost your virginity to them or not and you can't really get away from that.
    • #2
    #2

    (Please keep as anon or delete)

    I tried having sex with my ex and it hurt like hell (I didn't love him), but I had sex recently with my new bf and it didn't hurt at all and felt completely natural (he has been my best friend for years and I love him).
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    For the past year I had a LDR with a guy I loved but he lived in Dubai. He ended it because he said he could tell being away from him was causing me pain and he loves me too much to hurt me, which he might in the future because his parents wouldn't like our relationship.....he wants me to get over him and get on with my life and be happy.

    I am dvastated, he was my best friend aswell as my bf. I am so hurt, and the thing is, this hurt has made me learn how much break up hurt. Due to the distance and everything we never actually had sex although we talked about it. I know that if we had the pain would hurt so much more.
    I'm thinking that maybe it would be easier to lose my virginity to someone who I didn't love or was serious about, cause if it was with someone who I was inlove with it wuld hurt so mch more when we break up.

    I'm pretty messed up right now, and not thinking clearly, but I keep thinking it would be easier and also make me feel it more attractive.

    I'm just asking really for peoples experiences, is it better to have sex first with someone you don't care about cause then future break ups wouldn't hut as much?
    To be honest, short-term you might think that losing your virginity to a stranger is a good idea, long-term you could end up feeling dirty, ashamed of yourself. Plus there's the fact that first times are NEVER the experience you think they're going to be, it's painful, messy, and ca be really awkward, all of these will be exacerbated by having sex for the first time with someone you've never met.

    You sound hurt and confused, maybe when you 'get over' your boyfriend (I hate that phraseology) you might look back on your relationship and remember it well, and be thankful you were together, despite the pain of the breakup. Losing your virginity to someone you know, trust and love is the best way, imo, to do it, you're comfortable and you're more likely to have a good time.

    Most people have had at least one breakup in their lives, being hurt in a relationship is an inevitability, not letting yourself fully experience a relationship through being scared of getting hurt means you never really experience the best a relationship has to offer. Wait to have sex with someone you're in a relationship with, even if you breakup, if it was a good relationship, you should be able to look back on it one day and appreciate the good times you had, and learn from it.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    It really doesn't matter, to be totally honest.
    There is the potential to feel rubbish after every single one of those situations, but there's also the chance to feel great and really enjoy it.

    The only thing that I can say is that you have to make sure that you're happy and comfortable. Sometimes it can be better losing it to somebody that you're just friends with, because you've got some control over the relationship, and you can put trust in the partner. You have to feel safe and secure, and there's less chance of that with a randomer.

    When you have sex with somebody you love, it is going to be different anyway - but don't feel that you have to wait and build it up for it to be good and non-regretful.

    I lost my virginity to a friend, who I'd dated in the past. We barely spoke at that point, then just after a party, went and did it. It wasn't a big deal, it wasn't made into something big and amazing which meant that there was no disappointment, no hurt, and no regret. It happened, it wasn't a big deal. Nothing magical changes after you lose your virginity - just one day you hadn't had sex, and the next day you had. It doesn't have to be anything more than that.

    As the above poster says, though, you sound hurt and confused at the moment. Take some time to think about if this is really what you want, or if it's knee-jerk reaction.

    Take care.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Personally I think it is better to lose it to the person that you love and I think it should be special.
    I really wouldn't just lose your virginity to some random person with out having a really hard think about it, and think what you might miss out on or how you might feel afterwards.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    No don't lose it to a randomer, lose it to someone that you care about and who cares about you. It doesn't mean that you will have to suffer the hurt because who's to say that you would break up. Yeah, your other relationship didn't work out but another one might do. I could have lost my virginity to some guy I met in Greece, but I decided not to and instead lost it to my boyfriend, which for me was a really good decision.
    My boyfriend on the other hand lost his to some random girl on a one night stand and says it's the biggest regret he's ever had. x
    • #3
    #3

    Ill admit, I lost mine to a random person on a one night stand, and as we were rather drunk, there was none of the awkwardness.
    Now me and him have been together for 2 years, and it made it so much easier, since it was all out of the way.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He ended it because he said he could tell being away from him was causing me pain and he loves me too much to hurt me
    What a smooth-talker.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm just asking really for peoples experiences, is it better to have sex first with someone you don't care about cause then future break ups wouldn't hut as much?
    This will probably come across as sluttish, but I don't make too much of a habit of it...

    I lost my virginity to a guy I'd known for about a day, we did it, and I never spoke to him or contacted him in any way after. Well that's not strictly true... I met him one day out with friends and we ended up together again, but that was it. No emotion, no strings, and, tbh, I'm glad that's how I lost my virginity. I don't know any of his mates, so I don't care what he says about me, as it wouldn't get back to people I care about.

    Plus, I felt more confident when I first had sex with someone that I cared about that I already had some, if limited, experience. My first time with someone I cared about was wonderful, since I didn't have to worry about bleeding, or pain etc.

    But that's just my opinion.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    tbf i would rather lose it to a random than my bf, i wish i had taken up the chance when i got it

    **** leaving myself vulnerable to him
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I think when you break up with someone if it's going to hurt, it's going to hurt, whether there was any sex involved, first time or not. The person you lose it with and how you lose it are often things you remember for a long time, if not the rest of your life. Even though it's usually an uncomfortable, sometimes painful experience. I don't necessarily believe that it should be with someone you "love" or someone "special", in the strictest sense of the words, but it should be with someone you trust. Just as previous posters have said.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    For the past year I had a LDR with a guy I loved but he lived in Dubai. He ended it because he said he could tell being away from him was causing me pain and he loves me too much to hurt me, which he might in the future because his parents wouldn't like our relationship.....he wants me to get over him and get on with my life and be happy.

    I am dvastated, he was my best friend aswell as my bf. I am so hurt, and the thing is, this hurt has made me learn how much break up hurt. Due to the distance and everything we never actually had sex although we talked about it. I know that if we had the pain would hurt so much more.
    I'm thinking that maybe it would be easier to lose my virginity to someone who I didn't love or was serious about, cause if it was with someone who I was inlove with it wuld hurt so mch more when we break up.

    I'm pretty messed up right now, and not thinking clearly, but I keep thinking it would be easier and also make me feel it more attractive.

    I'm just asking really for peoples experiences, is it better to have sex first with someone you don't care about cause then future break ups wouldn't hut as much?
    In a word no.

    Everybody remembers who their first time was with and if you lose it to some total randomer that you don't care about, just for the sake of losing it, you'll always look back on it negatively.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Any girl who says that she can have sex with some randomer and be fine about it is a liar.

    If you sleep with someone, you want them to call you back. Simple.

    Just wait for the right guy, don't go on the rebound. I know that when you've had your heart broken you feel like you need a to fill a void, with another person, but it's not a good idea. It's unfair to them and to you because you're not over your ex-boyfriend.

    Just give it time.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by RahRah09)
    Any girl who says that she can have sex with some randomer and be fine about it is a liar.

    If you sleep with someone, you want them to call you back. Simple.

    Just wait for the right guy, don't go on the rebound. I know that when you've had your heart broken you feel like you need a to fill a void, with another person, but it's not a good idea. It's unfair to them and to you because you're not over your ex-boyfriend.

    Just give it time.

    because you speak for every female in the world :rolleyes:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by tinktinktinkerbell)
    because you speak for every female in the world :rolleyes:
    The country perhaps. Although I was reading Company magazine and apparently women are going on dates with a guy and then go straight back to their house. Now, I agree that you can have as much sex with as many people as you want (but don't start crying when your reputation goes down the toilet) but I think going off to a random stranger's house or taking him back to yours (or even back to a hotel room) is incredibly stupid!! You don't know anything about him and you don't know the other people he may live with.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by RahRah09)
    The country perhaps. Although I was reading Company magazine and apparently women are going on dates with a guy and then go straight back to their house. Now, I agree that you can have as much sex with as many people as you want (but don't start crying when your reputation goes down the toilet) but I think going off to a random stranger's house or taking him back to yours (or even back to a hotel room) is incredibly stupid!! You don't know anything about him and you don't know the other people he may live with.


    lol you dont even speak for every female in the country

    i know some girls that can have a ONS and not 'have' to call the guy

    IMO it depends how emotional a person you are, some girls yes would get attached but not all girls, luckily im of the none emotional group so if i ever do decide to shag a random i know i wont get attached
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Only thing that matters is whether you want to have sex or not. If you do want to have sex with someone then do it. It doesnt matter if its randomer or person you love.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by tinktinktinkerbell)
    lol you dont even speak for every female in the country

    i know some girls that can have a ONS and not 'have' to call the guy

    IMO it depends how emotional a person you are, some girls yes would get attached but not all girls, luckily im of the none emotional group so if i ever do decide to shag a random i know i wont get attached
    What about the danger of being with a stranger? What if you contract an STI? What if he rapes you? What if you go back to his and he gets all his mates to gangbang you (Unless you're into that)? Hell, what if he murders you?

    And yes it does depend on how emotional you are regarding who you shag and how soon. So whatever works for you really.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: January 21, 2010
Poll
Do you like carrot cake?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.