How can i be more assertive?

Ok I have to face facts, so please help me! My parents said something quite cruel to me today and am still coming to terms with what they said. Nevertheless, they were true and so now I have to act upon it.

I have always been relatively quiet, but in my final years of secondary school ,I built some really close relationships with people, to whom I am still great friends with (or so I thought) Only recently, as we have been off college, not one of my friends has been in contact with me, they have gone out but simply "forgotten" me and even planned a holiday without me! As sad as this is, my mum made me realise that I need to move on.

This is where the problem occurs. I am shy, but can be good at making friends, if I'm in the right situation. Anyway, I was on the phone to my dad. When I came off the phone, my mum turned round and told me she wasn't surprised I am being treated this way and that I need to be more assertive and "aware". This really isn't me and if Itry to be, I just feel fake, which I don't want to be. So is there anything I can do make me appear more assertive? I really need to change!!!!

Reply 1

RealityIsDull

i used to be like that i was sooo quiet at school... but i changed at college (ok im not the most confident of people but i can hold my ground). making new friends is always a good thing to do.
try pretending to be someone else (sounds stupid but it does work) that might make you a little less shy
but as much as you can.... dont let people walk over you

Reply 2

Amlea

same here. Lower sixth gave me so much confidence. One more year until uni... :frown:

Reply 3

Mushu

I don't know if this will help...but check it out anyway

Being Assertive.pdf80.9KB

Reply 4

nige

"How can i be more assertive?"

Asking that question is not a good way to start. :wink:

Just be sure in who you are and don't be a push over. If you let people walk all over you, they will, so stand up for yourself - no one else will do it for you.

Reply 5

leannemarie

I used to be really quiet too and have the same friends etc. but they sound like they were a bit better than yours. I was forced to change when I was put up for a leadership scholarship, which really surprised me. So perhaps doing new activities might give you a bit more confidence and not change you, but bring you out of yourself a bit?

Reply 6

Meat Loaf Rocks

Just stand for what you believe in and just be friendly but remember to look fter number 1 at the same time
I have the same problem as you I think.
I'm very shy when meeting new people especially when they are in big groups.
Put me in a situation with a friend and a freind of a friend and i willl be fine, but i really can't act myself in big groups especially realtive strangers

Reply 7

Saffie

*bump* Sorry, just really wanted to reply to this...

Yep, been there, my Mum's yelled at me about how I'll never have any friends, how when I was bullied (aged 12) it must have been because of something I'd done. I'm so closed-minded and I'm never going to get anywhere in life........

Don't change who you are for your mum, or to suit anyone. Someday, you'll look in the mirror and won't know who you are because you had to *be* someone else. There will be people who like you for who *you* are, even if you don't have them talking to you everyday they're there thinking you're a legend because of who you are- because unlike the rest of your mates you have some decency.

Your mates not inviting you places isn't because you're not assertive enough, it's because they're just nasty people!! So, if you were a bit louder they'd have called you up?- hmm, but then they wouldn't be calling up *you*, just the person you're pretending to be. :/

P.s. Listen to 'Soar'- Christina Aguilera, or 'i will survive' -hehe
:smile:

Reply 8

=Keith=

Same case.... takes time ... to work things up. Dont expect urself to change over a night. Go with a flow and u'l be aright... Jus consider wat ur mom said. A 3rd eye can look at u better than urself. So try finding out ur "turned down" points and learn them.. Overcome them with positive thinking...
Hope that helps.... :redface:

Reply 9

Balloo

Yes, I agree with Saffie, your mates sound like pretty ignorant people. You shouldn't have to be calling them up, evidently they are not the kind of people you want as friends anyway. Its not a matter of being assertive when it comes to making friends, its a matter of being a nice person. You've said yourself that you can make friends easily, so you must be doing something right. I don't think it's a change of character you need, I think you just need to go out and find some nice people to befriend. There is no point whatsoever in trying to change who you are, bcause at the end of the day, its just not you. You won't feel comfortable I am in the same situation as you right now with some of my so- called 'friends'. I've taken a gap year and they went off to uni and didn't bother to stay in contact but still see each other. However when they do see me they're like 'I've really missed you' (yeah right...) But I can't say I really care cos I'm off to uni soon and I hope to make true friends there. And I made new friends on my gap year. And I'm not changing for anybody. And neither should you! P.S put yourself in the 'right situation' and you'll be fine!! :smile:

Reply 10

TheVlad

Shout at people and don't listen to what they have to say. Works wonders.

Reply 11

itsingi

god, that would really upset me if i were in your situation, i used to feel just like this though, seriously, when you go to college/sixth form, the best friendships you do have will become stronger and you will likely meet a load of new friends. dont worry. :smile:

College gives people a lot more confidence to discover who they really are and where their abilities lie, i bet you will have a lot of fun and become more assertive and confident. good luck! :smile: