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starting to get annoyed with my mother watch

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    (Original post by Psycho_Biatch)
    That makes more sense. Now we know the root of the problem.
    If you can't move out then all you can do is try to pursuade you mother that your not like your brother - but surely by seeing all the hard work you do that should be enough reassurance that you not a dropout like you brother only going to Uni just for the social life!
    What uni was your brother at? and what uni are you at?

    Just try and remain on good term with your mother, work hard, graduate and then get a good job and move out with your fella.

    Best of luck

    Thanks =) It's difficult because despite everything he's still my parents' "Golden boy" can't put a foot wrong, hasn't even got a proper job (been back since JUNE) just temping in a shop for now. But whenever I say I'm not doing what he did I get accused for being 'insensitive' and 'bringing it up'.

    We plan to move out the very second we can realistically afford to but it's just not an option right now =(
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    300 miles away? not really. His life's here now, job, friends etc. besides going long distance isn't what either or us want
    You need to concentrate on your degree. What does he do when you're studying during the day or at work or studying late? Maybe if your mum asks you to do the laundry or something while you want to study, get your boyfriend to do it. Either work as a partnership to help you get your degree or leave him behind temporarily to get your degree. If you do not want to end up like your brother, your degree must come first, especially for Law.

    I really think you should try to get a job transfer or something and move into your Uni city. My flat at Uni is £300 a month including all bills. You can get great deals if you search for them. That'll leave you £100 on food and treats, plus whatever your boyfriend gets for JSA.

    Don't you have a student loan?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks =) It's difficult because despite everything he's still my parents' "Golden boy" can't put a foot wrong, hasn't even got a proper job (been back since JUNE) just temping in a shop for now. But whenever I say I'm not doing what he did I get accused for being 'insensitive' and 'bringing it up'.

    We plan to move out the very second we can realistically afford to but it's just not an option right now =(
    What do you expect him to get without a degree? At least he isn't being snobby about jobs, like many people who have gone to Uni or who don't want to lower themselves. Maybe wait until you join the battle for employment before you look down on the job your brother has managed to get, yeah? It's not as if he can't be searching for more stable jobs while he's temping. Maybe your boyfriend could take a leaf out of his book! :hmmm:
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    (Original post by EskimoJo)
    You need to concentrate on your degree. What does he do when you're studying during the day or at work or studying late? Maybe if your mum asks you to do the laundry or something while you want to study, get your boyfriend to do it. Either work as a partnership to help you get your degree or leave him behind temporarily to get your degree. If you do not want to end up like your brother, your degree must come first, especially for Law.

    I really think you should try to get a job transfer or something and move into your Uni city. My flat at Uni is £300 a month including all bills. You can get great deals if you search for them. That'll leave you £100 on food and treats, plus whatever your boyfriend gets for JSA.

    Don't you have a student loan?
    I have a student loan that pays for some travel - food at uni, books, glasses, clothes etc. i work one day a week but it doesn't go very far. My boyfriend is hoping to return to work at the end of February but because he's doing an apprenticeship it's not just a case of us moving to my uni city and him getting another job - he's worked really hard to get this apprenticeship and wouldn't ask him to give it up. Usually it's if I'm in at home (I have Thursday off lectures) and he's at work I'll wash any pots that are around and if there's wet washing to be hung out then I do it, but because I've 'been at home all day' she expects me to have done everyone's washing, and ironing. and says that it 'wouldn't have hurt to run the hoover round' or sort this or do that. bearing in mind she works 20 hours a week - and I spend longer than that a week on public transport not including time a spend in lectures and seminar and preparing for them. She just doesn't understand the amount of work I do and need to do in order to do well =(
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    (Original post by EskimoJo)
    What do you expect him to get without a degree? At least he isn't being snobby about jobs, like many people who have gone to Uni or who don't want to lower themselves. Maybe wait until you join the battle for employment before you look down on the job your brother has managed to get, yeah? It's not as if he can't be searching for more stable jobs while he's temping. Maybe your boyfriend could take a leaf out of his book! :hmmm:

    my boyfriend is employed, he's due to return to work in February and worked really hard to get his job and filled in his own applications unlike my brother who only managed to get his temp job becuase my mum works at the shop and she sweet talked the manager. And yes he could be applying for other things while he's temping. but he's not - he's applied for maybe 2 admin jobs which you don't need a degree for and mum filled in both applications.

    So he hasn't really 'joined the battle for employment' as you put it - if he was trying really hard to get a job, checking the papers, websites looking for something and being pro-active then I wouldn't have a problem.

    My boyfriend still has to attend college one day a week as part of his apprenticeship - and by the time he got laid off no-one was looking for Christmas temps any more
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    (Original post by EskimoJo)
    What do you expect him to get without a degree? At least he isn't being snobby about jobs, like many people who have gone to Uni or who don't want to lower themselves. Maybe wait until you join the battle for employment before you look down on the job your brother has managed to get, yeah? It's not as if he can't be searching for more stable jobs while he's temping. Maybe your boyfriend could take a leaf out of his book! :hmmm:
    Seconded, I know plenty of University graduates, with good degrees, who are still in similar employment 8 months after graduation. The job market is awful right now. It took me over 6 months to find any steady employment where I am now, it's a very difficult time. That said, for the same reasons, I do sympathise with the OP's boyfriend. If times were different, I'd say he should look for a job near her Uni so that they could both live there, but chances of him getting anything soon are slim to none.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    my boyfriend is employed, he's due to return to work in February and worked really hard to get his job and filled in his own applications unlike my brother who only managed to get his temp job becuase my mum works at the shop and she sweet talked the manager. And yes he could be applying for other things while he's temping. but he's not - he's applied for maybe 2 admin jobs which you don't need a degree for and mum filled in both applications.

    So he hasn't really 'joined the battle for employment' as you put it - if he was trying really hard to get a job, checking the papers, websites looking for something and being pro-active then I wouldn't have a problem.

    My boyfriend still has to attend college one day a week as part of his apprenticeship - and by the time he got laid off no-one was looking for Christmas temps any more
    That's all very well and good, but you'd do well not to go around looking down on people temping in shops as not having proper jobs.
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    (Original post by Bhumbauze)
    Seconded, I know plenty of University graduates, with good degrees, who are still in similar employment 8 months after graduation. The job market is awful right now. It took me over 6 months to find any steady employment where I am now, it's a very difficult time. That said, for the same reasons, I do sympathise with the OP's boyfriend. If times were different, I'd say he should look for a job near her Uni so that they could both live there, but chances of him getting anything soon are slim to none.
    I just wish my brother would look for a job for himself. He was on JSA before my mum got him his temp job and he wasn't interested in finding anything, no doubt when the contract ends in a couple of weeks he'll sign back on and sit on his xbox all day like he did before.

    i appreciate the job market is terrible. But there's a big difference between being unemployed for 8 months because you've applied and applied and just haven't managed to secure anything; and being un employed because you haven't applied for anything
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    (Original post by EskimoJo)
    That's all very well and good, but you'd do well not to go around looking down on people temping in shops as not having proper jobs.
    It's a not a permanent job - it's not leading anywhere for him. The contract will end and he'll be back where he was before still not looking for stable work. I'm not 'looking down' on anyone who has a temp job - it's not about that - it's not even about him - it's about the way my parents treat him like a god and the way that what he did in his final year at uni has led my family to believe that if you say you're working you're a liar and should be doing something more productive like ironing.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I just wish my brother would look for a job for himself. He was on JSA before my mum got him his temp job and he wasn't interested in finding anything, no doubt when the contract ends in a couple of weeks he'll sign back on and sit on his xbox all day like he did before.

    i appreciate the job market is terrible. But there's a big difference between being unemployed for 8 months because you've applied and applied and just haven't managed to secure anything; and being un employed because you haven't applied for anything
    Don't worry - if he's under 25 they'll stick him on "New Deal" soon enough, a seriously... seriously awful scheme that involves being forced to sit in a room with junkies etc. for 13 weeks, then 13 weeks of full time (9 - 4.30), UNPAID employment that can only be described as slave labour. If he doesn't do it, no JSA. I was lucky enough to find a job just after my induction for it. Trust me, when they stick him on that, he'll suddenly feel very motivated to get off of JSA. Then again... whether that means getting a job... or just living off your parents... is another matter.
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    (Original post by Bhumbauze)
    Seconded, I know plenty of University graduates, with good degrees, who are still in similar employment 8 months after graduation. The job market is awful right now. It took me over 6 months to find any steady employment where I am now, it's a very difficult time. That said, for the same reasons, I do sympathise with the OP's boyfriend. If times were different, I'd say he should look for a job near her Uni so that they could both live there, but chances of him getting anything soon are slim to none.
    True, I sympathise as well (moreso now that I hear he is in an apprenticeship, not just a 'normal' unemployed person).
    I still think OP should do more to try and make it work though. Even if she rents a cheapo room for weekdays or stays with her Uni friends temporarily during exam/stressful assignment times so she can still live with and see her boyfriend at weekends, that'd be something. That's possible on £400 a month wages + student loan. I mean, her mum sounds annoying on top of things, but if she's struggling with the course, her mum is probably the last thing causing that.
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    you seem like an ass tbh
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's a not a permanent job - it's not leading anywhere for him. The contract will end and he'll be back where he was before still not looking for stable work. I'm not 'looking down' on anyone who has a temp job - it's not about that - it's not even about him - it's about the way my parents treat him like a god and the way that what he did in his final year at uni has led my family to believe that if you say you're working you're a liar and should be doing something more productive like ironing.
    I can tell why you're annoyed, I have experiences of this type of thing. It just seemed like the wrong thing to pick up on, so it seemed like (without all the background info that you've given me now) you were looking down on the job, not on the person.

    You need to sit down and have a talk with your family or at least your mother and try to make them understand. With the additional details you've now posted in this thread, that seems like the only possible advice we can give/that you're willing to take.

    However.
    This might sound stupid, but maybe making a checklist of things you need to do and putting it on the fridge daily/weekly would make them see how hard you are working. If it has '5,000 word essay, due in Friday' and 'hoover' and all your lessons and 'read up on 10 cases in library' and 'work today 7am - 3pm' etc etc on it, it might put things into perspective for them. Tick things off as you go along and put a '100% completed' box next to longer term things and fill that in bit by bit as you go along (e.g. 25% completed for an essay). It's just something you can do on your breaks (which you should be having) that will take you minutes to make initially and seconds to fill out each time, but will give you a sense of achievement and will enable them to visualise what you're doing when you're locked up in your room.
    Probably a childish suggestion, but it's something. :dontknow:
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    Some good advice from EskimoJo here :yes:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I can't afford £400 a month travel costs plus rent plus bills plus food even with a part time job.
    But if you were renting somewhere at uni, you wouldn't have to pay £400 a month in travel costs (since you said its £20 a day, so £400 is the equivalent of going home every day). Seriously, on what you are paying for on travel costs now, you should be able to rent somewhere, pay bills and pay for food.
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    Sorry to be a prick, but wouldn't it be cheaper to get yourself a season ticket for the train, rather than forking out £20 a day? The travel companies will do all sorts of discounts for loyal customers, you just need to explore them.

    I know you said that you don't want to go long distance with your boyfriend, but it's not anywhere near as awful as people suggest. The thing is, if things really are as awful at home as you say they are, then you're not going to get your degree, and I'm guessing you're going to feel God awful when you're stuck at home with your mother lording over you about how you did 'nothing' all day and then didn't even get the qualification at the end of it.

    Take the leap, and just go for it. Your boyfriend, and you, will survive without the other.
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    I think my mum and dad don't really like the fact that my brother is 18, earning £23k a year, and I'm nearly 21, costing them about £5k a year. And I don't think they think that I do any uni work, or spend my money wisely (they had to lend me £400 before Xmas to pay for my new laptop, and I've just signed up to a new phone contract which they don't approve of for some bizarre reason). It really annoys me because I've worked hard to get where I am and I'm struggling, I don't exactly appreciate their criticism.
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    (Original post by Bhumbauze)
    Don't worry - if he's under 25 they'll stick him on "New Deal" soon enough, a seriously... seriously awful scheme that involves being forced to sit in a room with junkies etc. for 13 weeks, then 13 weeks of full time (9 - 4.30), UNPAID employment that can only be described as slave labour. If he doesn't do it, no JSA. I was lucky enough to find a job just after my induction for it. Trust me, when they stick him on that, he'll suddenly feel very motivated to get off of JSA. Then again... whether that means getting a job... or just living off your parents... is another matter.
    I just looked that up, that is bizarre. How the hell are you supposed to look for jobs on something like that?
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    It all comes down to jealousy.

    In a way, I think she feels threatened by you.
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    At the end of the day, nobody can even comprehend how much work a degree involves until they've tried it.
    Sometimes it's worse not to live at home, as you have to do EVERYTHING yourself, without anyone to help, as well as your degree work too.

    You should agree on CERTAIN things that you'll do to help.. they might not even take very long, but it will make your relationship with her a lot easier!
 
 
 
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