Although I've just realised the specific nature of this problem, I feel it's one I've had my whole life.
I have an issue with making new friends in an environment where the people I am meeting or co-working with have already made clear groups of friends or 'cliques'. I'm not particularly shy and I am comfortable talking to people I've just met. Furthermore, I'm not bashing cliques, I just wish I could be included.
I'm now at the stage of uni where I have only a couple of close friends from my flat, and, having been here for around 4 months now, am finding it very difficult to meet new people on my course after leaving it for so long.
The problem stems from a complete inability to offer anything to a group or individual who is part of such a group when I am a complete outsider. What do I have to offer to these strangers that they don't have in their friends groups? Small talk? No one gives a **** about that rubbishy conversation, they would rather talk and banter with their friends and ignore me. I find it very difficult to maintain the interest of someone I've just met/sat down with to the point where we can actually talk about something interesting.
What the hell can I do to meet individuals who are already tied into their friends groups? Note that this relates specifically to my course rather than meeting people in general. I already have made friends from my accomodation block but I spend most time in lessons on my own. I do not fancy the prospect of spending the next 3 years on my course as a friendless outsider.
Breaking into a clique? Watch
- 22-01-2010 02:47
- 23-01-2010 16:09
Bump. Anyone? Any thoughts?
- 23-01-2010 16:28
I've kind of managed to do this. I didn't really make many friend s in my accommodation but I was lucky enough to become close to a girl on my course, and one night she invited me out with her and her friends. i said yes even though i didn't know any of her friends, but we had a really good (read: drunk) night out and since then they've kind of accepted me as part of the group despite the fact that they all live in the same halls. even though i can't just hang out in their rooms every day i'm always included in nights out and stuff.
- 23-01-2010 16:31
this happened when I transferred high schools. I arrived at my new school and quickly figured out the established groups. I started joining these two girls for lunch, never quite joining in their conversation and eventually they were inviting me to join them of their own accord and today, one of those two girls remains my best friend. It took me about two or three months before I could get into any of the groups or even be accepted as part of the year group ... and I didn't really have anything to offer either. I think consistently hanging out with people, even when you don't know them well enough yet, is a good way to get your foot in the door.
Worked for me at least. I mean, I found my best friend.
- 23-01-2010 16:32
Become one of them
- 23-01-2010 17:08
scout out someone with a common interest and get them to notice you have it too, i.e football, art, metallica, french, cars, scuba diving something like that be friend them be cool and they will most likley as long as u assert higher value introduce you
- 23-01-2010 22:26
Thanks I guess really it's just a matter of dropping my pride and being ready to sit and listen as an outsider for a while before i can grab the attention of someone I want to get to know.