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    I have been penpals with a guy from Turkey for almost 7 years. We met through a penpal club and finally met each other in person for the 1st time about 6 months ago. During the course of our penpalship he moved over to Canada to due a Phd course so when we finally met face to face he flew from Canada to meet me in my hometown in the UK. To summerise, we "clicked" as soon as I collected him from the airport, after 7 years of writing and emailing we both felt like we knew each other inside out. Then towards the end of his 2 week stay he dropped a bombshell- claiming that he was in love with me. I said I shared the same feelings and we discussed the possibility of marriage (after his Phd studies). Anyway, he flew back to Canada then raised the issue in a phonecall to his family back in Turkey. They are basically very backward village people - they all marry their close relatives and nobody is encouraged to have love marriages, that's an alien concept. His parents threatened to disown him if he stayed involved with me so basically he "dumped" me by email a week before my birthday. I was very upset but then he phoned on my birthday to beg for another chance and said he only dumped me because his parents told him to and threatened that horrible things would happen to his younger siblings if he refused. I gave him another chance and went over to Canada the following month to visit him for a week. Shortly after that he flew back to Turkey for a holiday and I expected (and hoped) that he would deal with the family problems whilst there. When he returned from Turkey he said nothing about the subject until I broached it...He admitted that he "didn't want another row" with his parents so couldn't bring up the subject with them - despite knowing that I was waiting for some progress and answers. He still phones and emails me every day and talks about nothing but "our future" and "our marriage" and "our kids" etc but yet he seems so afraid of standing up to his parents. He seems to use culture (they are Turkish Kurds) as an excuse to stall for time and not to tackle the issues. I have asked him to let me phone them (I have Turkish friend willing to translate etc) but he absolutely refuses and he won't even tell them that we are still in contact..Where is this heading? After 7 years of being penpals I'm starting to feel hurt and betrayed by him, particularly as it was HE who dropped the bombshell in the first place not me! Whilst in the UK I introduced him to my parents and other relatives, as well as my close friends. When I visited him in Canada I didn't even meet 1 of his friends, although I know his has a big circle of friends there. What's he hiding? Any advice or ideas?
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    Get a grip. Falling in love with someone you haven't met but have wrote to for 7 years is extremely ridiculous.

    I dont disbelieve it, I just deem it utterly ridiculous.
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    if you want replies, please use paragraphs. Not many people will be willing to read a block of text like that.
    How old are you? Why are you so worried about the future? You've only been with him for 6 months.

    He might be hoping the parents will come around, you speaking to them won't help and it certainly won't through a translater. Don't pressure him. He is going through what you are PLUS nagging and extra pressure from his parents. Maybe he wanted to spend more time with you, so he didn't speak to his mates as much when he was with you?
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    Get rid.
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    Iranianjewel? :fan:
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    Let it drop, and walk away. You shouldn't have to compromise on this scale.
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    That is such a romantic story. I <3 it. If I were you, I would talk to him about how it's making you feel and then tell him that if he doesn't stand up for what he says he wants with you, then he apparently doesn't want it that bad and get rid of him.
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    Get rid.
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    I am a Turkish female living in london. If I were you, I would leave him.

    Turkey is a modern country generally, but east part of Turkey where mostly kurdish people live is totaly different than where I used to live( west part)
    That area is quite poor and people are not educated. They can be strict muslims with weird traditions. I see that, your penpal is quite educated person but his background is so different than you. His values wont match with you etc...
    I might be too judgemental , but even if you give him another chance and you guys marry, there is always a big chance that he will change and be overprotective. Some muslim guys have tendency not to reveal themselves until getting married. then they change alot. of course not everybody is same. but i just dont want you to be upset.
    lastly, if he didnt introduce you to his friends , i would think twice about giving him a second chance. it is a typical man attitude if they have an another girlfriend but who knows...
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    He's said that his parents threatened his siblings. You'll have to find out if this is true. If it is, would you feel comfortable asking him between choosing between them and you? The safety of his younger brothers/sisters? Would you want that on your conscience?

    I'm sorry, but I would get rid of him if it were me.


    But still as you love him, it's likely a difficult decision. After all, it seems like he has you wrapped around his little finger. You should be direct. Tell him what's on your mind, express yourself. Ask him what he's hiding.

    You're at such an in-balance it probably feels like an extremely unfair trade. You know nothing about his life, but he knows everything about you and your family.

    If he won't answer you, you should dump him even if you love him.
 
 
 
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