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    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    keep anon please.

    Me and my boyfriend have been going out for just under a year. I know deep down he loves me but my own insecurities are putting a massive strain on our relationship.

    He's stopped seeing all his female friends because he knows i get awkward when he's around them. He used to be good friends with his ex but now he doesnt even talk to her, he doesn't even see his male friends anymore either.

    I trust him, i do but im always asking him if he's cheated or getting paranoid or reading his texts and just generally being a terrible girlfriend. I know he loves me or he really wouldn't have put up with me this long but i just cant seem to get past my own insecurities and i just worry about every little thing. I've become much worse after an incident at a friends party where to be honest he wasnt even that close to cheating on me i just freaked out.

    Does anybody have any advice for how i can try and get past this? This is my first relationship and i want him to be happy, im also worried that all my relationships are going to be like this. Please try and stave of the 'your a terrible person' comments so often got on TSR, i know i am thats why im asking for advice.
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    it's unfair to be in a relationship with someone you don't trust, and if it hasn't come from being together a year then it may never do.
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    You're not a terrible person but you wont be happy if he gives everything in the world up for you, you both need to have your own lives and people can be amazing of either sex so you can't just have male or female friends. It could help you to see a therapist to see why you have these insecurities and find out a way to get rid of them, and it could help to fill your life with things you are passionate about so you don't think about your boyfriend all the time.
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    You don't trust him if you're asking him if he's cheating. That is not trust, not at all.
    I agree with above, it's extremely unfair to be in a relationship if you're THAT insecure. I can't imagine how soul destroying it must be for your boyfriend to be constantly worrying that he's upsetting you or that you're permanently questioning his loyalty and feelings for you.

    I personally can't help you to become secure or to tell you how to work out your relationship, but it may help to talk to someone professional about why you find it so hard to trust people.
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    some things said are unfair. you have insecurities and you clearly cant help it. its not about being fair to your bf, you are trying to be as fair to him as possible, otherwise you wouldnt be so aware of this prob. tbh, i think you should definitely try and explore a hobby that can take your focus from him. currently i have taken up drawing to stop myself thinking about mine. seriosusly, try to stop asking him about cheating and trust that he isnt, make THAT your OCD. because he will get tired of it. and when he does, it will hurt
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    you really dont trust him.
    i used to be similar to you in my first relationship (although i had good reason not to trust her).

    basically as you obviously know what isn't really acceptable, just anytime you feel like you're about to do it, STOP YOURSELF. i know it sounds hard and that you'll just be covering up how you feel etc. but after a few weeks when you realise nothing bad has happened, and he's alot happier, it'll become much easier to trust him
    • #2
    #2

    I had a lot of really insecure feelings like this in the first few months of my own relationship but eventually after a few ups and downs I just kind of realised it was all over virtually nothing.

    Think you just have to be able to expose yourself to it, let him talk to girls and watch it and realise that it's not actually that bad in the slightest. He's with you for a reason and he must want to be with you ALOT if he's able to put up with this (don't mean that as nasty as it came out, believe me I know how you feel).

    There's not much you can really do, you just have to get over it by yourself I'm afraid. Be happy, accept yourself most importantly, and generally be a good girlfriend!

    Try telling him that you're trying to get over it and that you want to let him see his female (and male) friends and you'll do your very best not to bother him about it. I had a system of letting it all out once every 2 weeks rather than all the time, eventually it just faded because I was controlling it in a way. I'm extreeeemely grateful to have had such an understanding and patient partner and it sounds like yours is too.

    And seriously, problems like this are often rooted in feeling bad about yourself rather than necessarily a trust issue. You just need a self esteem boost (easier said than done I know!) and you should find that the rest comes with it :top:
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    that sounds just like my situation (with a few exceptions ofcourse, main one being i'm the bf and it's my gf i get paranoid about ) For me, i have got better, and i think that has come with time. Being one's first you are quite on edge about these sort of things, but over time (sometimes a long time) things do get better. Just make sure you continue to trust him. he's given up a lot for you, it's difficult to realise because your'e still scared, but try to and things will improve. Just by calming down about the whole thing will make the relationship more pleasant. You're probably suffering more from this than he is. He loves you enough to do anything for you. so just try to relax and have fun
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thank you everyone for all your suggestions!

    My boyfriend was over today and i didnt ask him once if he was doing anything wrong!! He has also arranged to go to the pub with his friends on night, and ive arranged to do something with my friends to take my mind of it. I think i feel a bit insecure as well because he is 18 and im not. So he'll talk about going out on the lash and i panic because of how people can be when there drunk!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    keep anon please.

    Me and my boyfriend have been going out for just under a year. I know deep down he loves me but my own insecurities are putting a massive strain on our relationship.

    He's stopped seeing all his female friends because he knows i get awkward when he's around them. He used to be good friends with his ex but now he doesnt even talk to her, he doesn't even see his male friends anymore either.

    I trust him, i do but im always asking him if he's cheated or getting paranoid or reading his texts and just generally being a terrible girlfriend. I know he loves me or he really wouldn't have put up with me this long but i just cant seem to get past my own insecurities and i just worry about every little thing. I've become much worse after an incident at a friends party where to be honest he wasnt even that close to cheating on me i just freaked out.

    Does anybody have any advice for how i can try and get past this? This is my first relationship and i want him to be happy, im also worried that all my relationships are going to be like this. Please try and stave of the 'your a terrible person' comments so often got on TSR, i know i am thats why im asking for advice.
    No, you don't.
 
 
 
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