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Girls would you be put off me?? watch

    • #1
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    #1

    Anon please!!

    You may have heard a similar story before, but here goes. I'm 26, not bad looking, fairly slim as I play tennis and go to the gym etc, and I have a good circle of friends. But I've never had a girlfriend.

    The reason for this is that I was really badly bullied at school, so had no confidence for yrs, and then there was a big family crisis in my late teens which made me quite bottled up emotionally. But now, as it's going on and on with me not having had a relationship, I've become totally neurotic about it, which is just making it worse.

    I can talk to girls fine when out, in the library, or in a bar etc. But I just freeze up and get incredibly nervous whenever it seems like I could make a move - part of me just cannot believe a girl would want to kiss me or be with me and so I freeze, and I'm also getting more paranoid that any girl will drop me the moment she finds out she's my first girlfriend.

    And it isn't just about sex, because I've slept with a couple of girls on a casual basis, but I want someone to be with in a relationship. My friends try to advise, but can't seem to understand why I don't just get a gf, so I would appreciate some advice. Would you be freaked out girls??
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    You sound nice I wouldn't be put off.
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    I think you sound lovely, like already said, i wouldn't be put off.
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    I'm a guy but I would say this: to get or be in a relationship, you should be comfortable with yourself ,have a strong sense of identity, want to give value and stop caring what people think about you, stop caring about outcomes. If you can't believe anyone would want to be with you, you don't think much of yourself - it seems a lot of your problem is, as you say, confidence - you need to have a higher opinion of yourself. Name 10 reasons why a girl should want to date you - just do it - and you'll see you have a lot to offer.

    Why do you want a girlfriend? Is it because you want to make someone feel good about themselves or because you are needy and want someone to make you feel good about you?
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    I would find it a little odd that you haven't had a girlfriend at your age but if I liked you it would not put me off nor change how I felt about you
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon please!!

    You may have heard a similar story before, but here goes. I'm 26, not bad looking, fairly slim as I play tennis and go to the gym etc, and I have a good circle of friends. But I've never had a girlfriend.

    The reason for this is that I was really badly bullied at school, so had no confidence for yrs, and then there was a big family crisis in my late teens which made me quite bottled up emotionally. But now, as it's going on and on with me not having had a relationship, I've become totally neurotic about it, which is just making it worse.

    I can talk to girls fine when out, in the library, or in a bar etc. But I just freeze up and get incredibly nervous whenever it seems like I could make a move - part of me just cannot believe a girl would want to kiss me or be with me and so I freeze, and I'm also getting more paranoid that any girl will drop me the moment she finds out she's my first girlfriend.

    And it isn't just about sex, because I've slept with a couple of girls on a casual basis, but I want someone to be with in a relationship. My friends try to advise, but can't seem to understand why I don't just get a gf, so I would appreciate some advice. Would you be freaked out girls??
    You sound like a nice person, any girl who would turn you down for such a stupid reason isn't worthy of you

    When you meet the right girl you won't freeze up, trust me
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    Wouldn't. You sound quite lovely in my books.

    a) You don't have an attitude and you're not a **** - good start
    b) You're going to be more mature in relationship because you've gone through some pretty tough grinding - you're no Golden Boy, so you'll understand her better - which is excellent for us, trust me!
    c) You're not drop-dead ugly - so you shouldnt've have a problem at first base

    Really, the only thing you've left to do is take the plunge - and prepare if it hurts, cause it probably will - like getting a tooth taken out for the first time. Just force yourself out there, and as long as you don't SHOW how nervous you're feeling - you'll do fine.

    Knock back a few before you try it, if you like - and remember, if it doesn't pan out you're probably never going to see the girl again - and that one will be one of millions of girls you could find.

    Don't lose sleep over it. It'll happen, as long as you grit your teeth and take that plunge.
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    no i wouldnt be put off.

    You can say you can talk to girls fine but where your tripping up is when 'making a move'

    wtf does that mean? i hate guys who make any move, it should all be progression hence when we are both comfortable with each other it all falls into place. So there is NO awkward move making from being friends/collegues/strangers into B/Gfriend.

    Maybe im wrong.

    Just try and get comfortable being around whoever you have your eye on. Let them see what a great guy you are, give them the eye (semi-compulsive staring), show off your personality.

    I would be more likely to just go with the flow with a guy who I hadnt thought of in a relationship capacity before than to go for someone makeing a move onto me nervously.

    Do you know what, i think i might be wrong, because girls probably like being made moves on. You seem like a great guy, just find confidence in your self first. If you arent going to like yourself, why should anyone else? Theres nothing a guy wears better than confidence. Full Stop.

    Good Luck and Im sorry for rambling on about non related shizz.


    xx
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    (Original post by TerryTerry)
    I'm a guy but I would say this: to get or be in a relationship, you should be comfortable with yourself ,have a strong sense of identity, want to give value and stop caring what people think about you, stop caring about outcomes. If you can't believe anyone would want to be with you, you don't think much of yourself - it seems a lot of your problem is, as you say, confidence - you need to have a higher opinion of yourself. Name 10 reasons why a girl should want to date you - just do it - and you'll see you have a lot to offer.

    Why do you want a girlfriend? Is it because you want to make someone feel good about themselves or because you are needy and want someone to make you feel good about you?
    this deserves pos rep.

    just now im in debt.

    xxx
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon please!!

    You may have heard a similar story before, but here goes. I'm 26, not bad looking, fairly slim as I play tennis and go to the gym etc, and I have a good circle of friends. But I've never had a girlfriend.

    The reason for this is that I was really badly bullied at school, so had no confidence for yrs, and then there was a big family crisis in my late teens which made me quite bottled up emotionally. But now, as it's going on and on with me not having had a relationship, I've become totally neurotic about it, which is just making it worse.

    I can talk to girls fine when out, in the library, or in a bar etc. But I just freeze up and get incredibly nervous whenever it seems like I could make a move - part of me just cannot believe a girl would want to kiss me or be with me and so I freeze, and I'm also getting more paranoid that any girl will drop me the moment she finds out she's my first girlfriend.

    And it isn't just about sex, because I've slept with a couple of girls on a casual basis, but I want someone to be with in a relationship. My friends try to advise, but can't seem to understand why I don't just get a gf, so I would appreciate some advice. Would you be freaked out girls??
    20 years old and the same.

    Tell yourself a girl will want to be with you and will want to kiss you. If they didn't then none of us people who've never had girlfriends wouldn't have a chance would we? :p:

    It would be shallow of a girl to not choose you based on your sex history/lack of it because it's in the past and doesn't necessarily define the person you are or the story you've had.

    I've had my confidence ripped up like paper for about seven years before I came to University.

    I don't know how long it'll take for it to be at the max (I don't know what 100% confidence because I've never had it) but I'll keep trying.

    Keep trying and don't tell yourself a girl would run a mile just because you've never had a girlfriend before. She wouldn't.
    • #3
    #3

    i would only be put off because i have low confidence myself; i'd interpret it as you just not liking me. I really doubt i'd be able to make the first move. But that's not criticism - believe me i understand!
    And really - anyone who is put off by anything you've said is an utter idiot. That^ really soley is the only reason i'd be put off - and it'd be being put off because of not thinking you liked me, not anything actually to do with you yourself! (if that makes sense)
    But you sound really lovely otherwise, hopefully you'll find a nice confident girl. ^.^
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    As long as you're not highly anxious and neurotic. I.e. have a quiet voice, hardly have a sense of humour, not very confident body language just when I'm talking to you then I would be put off.

    However, your problem seems to be you need to get over your fear. Just ask a girl out. Like that. Just like that! If it fails then oh well, there's plenty more around right? Keep going until it doesn't scare you any more. Most of us don't bite, even if we don't want that kind of relationship with you personally.
    • #2
    #2

    Is it better for an unconfident person to get into a relationship person with a confident person for a lift? Or is better for two unconfident people to get together to lift each other? Or are both methods shallow? :?:
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    Real girls would be put off by you, no one wants to have a weak minded loser for a boyfriend, and no offence or anything but thats how you come across and that's the truth

    You need to sort your life out, tbh I think reading the game would actually do you some good

    (Original post by Anonymous)

    It would be shallow of a girl to not choose you based on your sex history/lack of it because it's in the past and doesn't necessarily define the person you are or the story you've had.
    LoL no it wouldn't it would be a perfectly rational decision to make and it does define the person you are, or at least shape the person you are to a massive degree
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    (Original post by a_t)
    Real girls would be put off by you, no one wants to have a weak minded loser for a boyfriend, and no offence or anything but thats how you come across and that's the truth

    You need to sort your life out, tbh I think reading the game would actually do you some good



    LoL no it wouldn't it would be a perfectly rational decision to make and it does define the person you are, or at least shape the person you are to a massive degree
    This is actually a realistic honest response. Not sure about the bolded part though.
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    (Original post by a_t)
    Real girls would be put off by you
    You're saying I'm not a real girl? :puppyeyes:
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    (Original post by parfait-ego)
    I think you sound lovely, like already said, i wouldn't be put off.
    Ooh sorry, this is ridiculously off topic, but care to explain the quote in your sig? I know it's the last line of The Catcher in the Rye because I read it recently, but I didn't really get it, what it meant. Why d'you like it?

    On topic: If I started going out with you and then found out I was your first girlfriend at the grand old age of 26 it probably would freak me out quite a bit at first, yeah. But if I liked you, I doubt it'd put me off/cause me to break up with you. Try not to worry - it's not like there's a lot you can do about it, after all!
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    (Original post by Advanced Subsidiary)
    This is actually a realistic honest response. Not sure about the bolded part though.
    Well I'm just saying that because my current girlfriend, my exes and the various other flings etc I've had have changed me as a person, given me a lot of confidence and matured me a lot for example and probably changed me in other ways I don't know

    Based on my experiences the women in my life do shape the person I am

    (Original post by Sakura-Chan)
    You're saying I'm not a real girl? :puppyeyes:
    I'm saying that your high minded response on an internet forum is most likely very far removed to how you would react in real life if you were confronted with the OP
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    To help with your emotional issues regarding confidence with women, I advise to look into a technique called Emotional Freedom Technique which is fantastic for clearing up the confidence issue.

    Also, carrying out a visualization everyday of being in a relationship will definitely help you draw someone to you (like attracts like). I heard about people who have tried sitting in a mediation for only about 10 minutes every morning, visualizing being in a relationship and within a month they have meet someone. The key is to be consistent.

    All the best
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    (Original post by Sakura-Chan)
    You're saying I'm not a real girl? :puppyeyes:
    What a meanie!

    Thread starter: I think you're quite a sweety, just relax. You might need to build up your confidence abit, but I expect this'll be no problem; you have plenty to be confident about I think.
 
 
 
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