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Outragous friend situation. watch

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    Anon or delete please. This is going to be a fairly long explanation, but I really am stuck. Please read it, I'm sure you'll find it quite funny how pathetic year 10s can be, especially in my case. I was certainly entertained by it.

    Please, no "tl/dr"'s please.

    I'm 14 in year 10, and heres my situation:

    On saturday night (6 days ago), there was a house party for some girls' birthday in my year at school. 'Cept it weren't really a party. They just showed up and got pissed within half an hour and did some disgusting things that most people would have regretted (but I doubt some of them were even drunk, just taking advantage of each other and saying they were as an excuse). There was probably about 30 people there I'm guessing. There a lots of pictures of facebook about them, most are absolutely horrible tbh. Its showing people I like and know doing things that is just so unlike them.

    Anyway, my friend Tom (in my year) went to the party. Tom acts like he gets all the girls but he's never had a girlfriend, but I don't judge him by that only, he can be a real nice person. So he got pulled on that night, while they were all drunk. He never gave me a name though even after asking several times, so whether its true or not is something I have no clue of. Even a lot of other people you wouldn't have expected had it happened to them. Anyway, the night after, Tom was praising the existance of alcohol and how it was like, "the best substance ever", and that it made him so confident and stuff. He was convinced that it meant something to pull a girl when their both drunk, when it really is quite a bad first kiss, its almost like a pathetic version of losing your virginity on a one night stand? :dontknow: Thats how someone I know compared it.

    So my friend Gary (also in my year), who didn't get invited to the party (nor was I), was really jealous that he couldn't go and that he didn't get pulled. Did I mention that Gary is one of those people who typically don't have that many friends, and have superficial views on things like popularity. I.e. by his own definition of the word, he would not be "popular". And he wants to become, yes, "popular". Why? Well obvious reasons ofcourse, but mainly so he can get into the next type of party like that. Gary hardly knows anyone who was at the party except Tom, so it would probably be awkward even if he did go. Gary thinks if he went then he would get pulled, well hes probably the most unlikely person to get pulled tbqh.

    So now, Gary thinks that Tom will get him into the next "party" somehow. And the way Tom is doing it is by trying to make Gary become more confident. For example, Tom is making him say "Hey" to girls he knows as they walk past. To say the least, this is not working out for him. For example: -Girl approaches- Gary: Hey. Girl: :confused: wtf. -Girl passes-

    Even the girl he really likes, ever since hes been doing these kinds of things, instead of being normal, she's started telling him to **** off. I do feel sorry for him a bit though, she never was that nice to him. But its definitely gotten worse.

    I think this whole "popular" or "cool" thing is totally overrated and immature, btw. I stopped caring about being "popular" in year 7 when I found out being popular means getting detentions and being a ****. Its slightly different now, but the people who are "popular", still fit this description is some way. Tom isn't that "popular", he just has a lot of friends and acts bigger than he is really.

    Now this is where it gets really bad. Up until monday, I was friends with them both. However, I started getting pissed off with Gary, as hes my best friend, and he was spending all his time with Tom just beacuse he was making him "popular" (its not working). And when Tom left, only then would he go back to me. I started questioning him, like asking him wtf this was about and where he thinks its going to lead. He was convinced he was going to get popular, and really couldn't care less about what I was saying. I also said things like that Tom didn't really know what he was talking about, and that hes never had a gf.

    I'm not really "popular" or whatever you wish to call it. But I have enough friends, with a variety of different sexes and personalities. I would gladly introduce them to Gary, but he seems to want to go down the other route of following around Tom. When I said to Gary that he was making a mistake, Gary told Tom this and he got seriously annoyed with me. Now he "hates" me. This is having a serious effect on my friendship with Gary, as he keeps taking Tom's side, even though he's doing nothing but turning him into a superficial brat. And I'm telling him to be himself, I'd introduce him to my friends and he would probably get a girlfriend that way, as he has a pretty good personality and he is fairly good looking. But he wouldn't budge.

    On facebook, Tom said some really over the top things and lots of empty threats, like "**** YOU - YOU TWO FACED ****. IF YOU WANNA SAY SUMMIN SAY IT 2 MY FACE. JUST WAIT TILL TOMOROW". Ironic thing is, hes the one who has been saying stuff behind my back and not telling me, bloody hypocrite. I know so because the day before, on xbox chat, I said I would be back in half an hour, but I was there the whole time and set my status to "away". And I heard what he said about me. Bare in mind, he spoke to me on monday on facebook, so I know his threats are empty.

    I have, in a word document, all the stuff he said on facebook chat and a printscreen of it as evidence. I could give that into my school and easily get him atleast a two day internal exclusion for what he did. But obviously I would get a lot of people angry at me for that and would ruin our friendship forever, with Tom and Gary probably.

    So now, what should I do? I have the option of

    1) Telling the school
    2) Putting up with it
    3) trying to talk to them again (won't work though).

    What are your thoughts on this? Any other things I could do? I know the whole ordeal isn't that much of my business, but he is my friend and I care about him. Plus I'm already in this now and need to get out of it. I can't stop now really.

    Any questions or confusions in the story, don't hesitate to ask.

    Thanks for reading so long.
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    mega fail, *outrageous in the title.
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    holy ghost....I can't read all that?

    Sorry But good luck.:shrug:
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    Sorry, I think you just got to let Gary sort out his own life with Tom/parties etc. just be there as a mate if he needs you. I think he has to find out for himself.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    mega fail, *outrageous in the title.
    Yeah, that is definitely a mega fail. :sadnod: :zomg:
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    Speak to Tom about the xbox situation and tell him he can't talk to you like that when you're meant to be his so-called friend. And just let Gary run around after Tom - it probably won't work out and he'll realise it's not such a great thing being popular.
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    I sort of skim read it, so may well have missed something that this pertains to, but what exactly would be the point in telling the school? Seeing as none of this seems to have occurred at school?
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    (Original post by Revolution is my Name)
    I sort of skim read it, so may well have missed something that this pertains to, but what exactly would be the point in telling the school? Seeing as none of this seems to have occurred at school?
    Hmm, i see what you mean. But this way I could get him in quite a bit of trouble. We've been told that if online something like this happens, to tell the school right away. I have a lot of hard evidence, so I'm sure if I reported him he would, atleast, get two days and a record of incidence. Also it would prove that i'm not a joke. He doesn't take me seriously.
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    You sound very intelligent and socially aware for a 14 year old; just thought I'd get that out of the way

    But really, are these the kind of friends you want to have? I don't mean that in a harsh way, but someone who chases popularity and ignores his true friends in favour of this, and one who says so much rubbish to and about you? They don't sound like friends at all, and by the sounds of it, you'd be better off without them.

    Stick to your other friends. Be there for Gary if he needs you, but just as a mate, not as a best friend or anything, unless he's willing to come round, realise his silliness and apologise. You're young, as is Gary, and he's likely to be going through the changes, and yeah, you know what I mean. It's possibly just one of those phases. Carry on like normal with your other friends and stay happy
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    Thanks for the answers, however the likelyhood of Tom changing is very low. He's always been stubborn and I doubt he would change. If gary has changed so quickly, I think he would be able to change again pretty quickly too, I hope.

    I will probably just keep some distance for now.
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    dude, you dont have to any of those three things; just move on, you can do better than associating yourself with those douchebags. its really good that you realise **** like being 'cool' and 'popular' are just childish labels, i wish i had when i was 14- if I had things would probably be a hell of a lot better for me now.

    i mean they're you're friends and i understand you don't want to just forget about them. but youre 14- you must have other friends/connections?
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    As others before me have said, best to just leave them both alone for now, either it works for them and they become superficial prats with no real friends, or they'll fail and come crawling back. Well done for knowing that "popularity" is a bad thing, I was always the least "popular" but the friend I have now would follow me to the ends of the earth, it's the best way to be.
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    You have your other friends so just concentrate your efforts on them.

    Gary will realise that all the so called 'popular' people are in fact tw*ts who nobody likes and want to be your friend again. Don't be too hard on him when he does though, he's a teenage boy who needs to learn his own way who and what are important.

    If he chooses Tom and Tom's friends then it's sad that you've lost a good friend, but it will be his loss in the end because you sound lovely and like you have a good attitude.

    Going to the school just to get him in trouble will probably cause more trouble for you than it's worth. Just ignore him. However, if he starts getting to you and you want to go because you feel threatened, then is the right time do it!
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    Update.

    It was a week since I posted this. Things have kind of calmed down, I wouldn't report Tom, however:

    The day after I posted this we were in the Xbox live chat again, and I joined the Chat Gary was in (didn't realise Tom was there too till I got there), and he kept kicking me from the chat. I couldn't hear him and he couldn't hear me though, since he muted me. Which means that I can see he is online but in the chat I just can't hear him and he can't hear me. I wanted to talk to Gary but I couldn't because he kept kicking me. Gary made no attempt to help me out, just stayed there with Tom.

    Then, again today, me and Gary were playing halo 3 together online. Then according to Gary, Tom said he wanted to play. But Tom wanted to make a new game, and Gary left my game to join his game, then Gary said that I wasn't allowed to join Tom's game (Tom probably told him to do that). I knew that this meant he obviously likes Tom a lot more than me (unfairly), and trust me, if I ever were to do the same (ie create a new game, and ask Gary to join but tell Tom to go away), Gary definitely would not join and would probably call me some immature names. I know this because he never did anything to help me before when Tom was kicking me.

    So now I would probably talk to Gary to set things straight but I have done it so many times and I always get the same response "Your so annoyin" etc. Totally ignoring my questions and giving absolutely horribly slow responses.

    I don't think Tom "hates" me as much he may have done before because when I joined Tom's chat earlier before this incident happened, he didn't kick me, but then he didn't want me to play. What really pisses me off is the fact that Gary left mine to go to Tom's without any reasoning, then says I can't play. I am a much bigger fan of that game, and am much more enthusiastic than Tom. So he has absolutely no excuses. Also, Gary was bugging me all week to come on Xbox so we could play, I had a lot of work to do and several band practices this week, so I hadn't managed to come on 'till today, then after one game, he stops me playing with him.

    Makes me sick now.

    What do you think I should do?
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    He obviously cares about Tom a lot more than me, and its totally unfair when I have done so much for him. He doesn't have many people to hang with at lunch break at school so I often put off band practice during Lunch to be with him. I've done way more things for him than that, and Tom used to resent him, not more than 6 months ago, for the past 3 years ago! Tom would never hang with Gary at lunch. I don't think Gary deserves me to be doing this for him anymore.

    Its blatantly obvious that he cares about Tom much more than me, without a single doubt. Its totally unfair. There's no excuses now. I've been putting this off for a while and I know people said to ignore him but he always finds me at lunch to hang and its rude to walk away so I've remained friends. But I'm thinking that on Monday if he tries to find me I would be as bad as him and just tell him to **** off. If Tom was around, he would no way be with me at lunch. What just happened earlier is pure hard evidence for this.

    So, should I do that tomorrow? What else should I do? I'm not putting up with this any longer. Its impacting on me a hell of a lot.
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    This sounds like a really bad eastenders script
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    Screw Gary. If he wants to lose it, let him, you've tried hard enough to steer him in the 'right' path so to speak. School will always be like that, those wanting to be popular will suck anyone's ****. You hve other friends, spend your time with more mature people. Ignore Tom 100%, if he starts bullying you or whatver just tell him to stay away or there'll be consequences. To be fair, Tom will leave you alone after two/three days when this has died down. Don't worry, idiots will remain idiots. Just be glad you're not as stupid as them
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    (Original post by fox_the_fix)
    This sounds like a really bad eastenders script
    Lol, I sorta agree XD

    Shows how pathetic 14 year olds can be :p:
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    Gary won't be the first ungrateful person you meet. Just get used to it. But when Tom dumps him and Gary has no one else ot go to and will come back to you, don't wait for him with open arms.

    Stop speaking to Gary, he's an idiot and he betrayed your friendship. He's chosen his 'side' just let him hang out with Tom. If he comes to you because Tom isn't htere, tell him to **** off or just completely blank him.
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    (Original post by Wild Thing)
    Screw Gary. If he wants to lose it, let him, you've tried hard enough to steer him in the 'right' path so to speak. School will always be like that, those wanting to be popular will suck anyone's ****. You hve other friends, spend your time with more mature people. Ignore Tom 100%, if he starts bullying you or whatver just tell him to stay away or there'll be consequences. To be fair, Tom will leave you alone after two/three days when this has died down. Don't worry, idiots will remain idiots. Just be glad you're not as stupid as them
    I assume by "lose it" you meant his virginity? If so, I wouldn't worry about that. No way thats ever gonna happen within the next two years atleast. He's the type who is all talk, would say he could but probably wouldn't be able to or if he had the chance, wouldn't be stupid enough to do it meaninglessly (I hope).

    Thats great advice, thanks a ton
 
 
 
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