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im afraid of men, men-afobia ? watch

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    #1

    Sorry.. i know its a stupid title

    Im scared to be in a relationship with men for too long, i know its not normal and that my past has alot to do with it... but im old enough to stop thinking like this .... its preventing me from having good relationships.

    What am i scared of?
    im scared that one day the guy would get mad/lose his temper and hit me, even though ive not been hit by anf bf's.

    During my childhood my parents were constantly arguing, and as much as i love my dad, he was abusive towards my mum. It was mainly verbal abuse, he would shout at her alot. He has anger management problems, and he would get angry so fast without knowing. It was to a point where i was scared of being around him for too long, becasue he gets mad at little things.
    He has once hit my mum, she was not in the same room as me, but he slapped her, and i heard it, about 5-6 years ago.
    But now its all different, becasue he is home alot so theyre like new couples and get on so well, i dont hate him becasue he's not like that anymore and is great dad to me. I also dont blame him becasue he was an orphan and was treated bad whilst growing up... but my mum obviously did not deserve any of it.


    My first bf would get angry alot, but when he wasnt, he loved me alot which made me want to stay with him. When we broke up, i couldnt help but think that im lucky to have come out of that relationship, becasue i was scared that in the future it could get worse.

    My current bf would not hurt a fly, but i remember the 1st and ONLY time he got mad, it lasted a few minutes...he didnt swear or anything, he just told me to go away, ... and i became soo upset i cried becasue i fell in love with him. But he is so nice, he apologised and has never got mad since. We get on well, but inside i feel that im still scared of him, that no matter how nice he seems, maybe later on he would lose his temper with me, hit me, leave me or even kill me.

    When a guy approaches me, i just want to know if he gets mad or how abusive he can be. I enjoy the first few months of the relationship, but when it gets serious i want to back out.


    Questions:
    So girls has your bf ever got mad/angry at you? and how did/would you cope with it?
    How did you feel?
    Would you give him any chances?
    Am i the only one that would become afraid from just verbal abuse?

    Guys, when you are mad/angry whats running through your mind?
    Do you think you could ever get mad with a girl, to an extent where you could hit her?

    I know not all men are like this, but im still scared, and i wouldreally like to stop thinking like this. Its not something thats always on mind, but it crosses my mind often.
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    Enroll to self-defence classes. Hopefully then you'll feel that if you got into that position (violent bf/male), you're not completely helpless.
    • #2
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    (Original post by SomeStudent)
    Enroll to self-defence classes. Hopefully then you'll feel that if you got into that position (violent bf/male), you're not completely helpless.
    Unless hes bigger than you... In all seriousness, if you think about the number of domestic violence you hear about (news / gossip whatever) compared to the amount of peopel you know who are in a good relaitonship, youl see that the ratio is very low.. Also, as with many things, if your always -looking- for something, you tend to start overreatcing to stuff, and seeing it everywhere..
    Have a think. Also angry relationships are always dead in the water, unless you think they can be persuaded to help themselves within a relatively short space of time. In that scenario you need to look after #1.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    men-afobia
    .
    Androphobia
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    I feel like hitting you for assuming that all males are violent and aggressive :awesome:. I've never punched or hit anyone in earnest in the 18 years that I've been alive and I doubt it'll happen for a while yet. I do occasionally get the almost irrepressible urge to beat the living **** out of someone who's being particularly annoying or hurtful until they're a bloody lump on the ground but I haven't been even close to actually loosing it in a long time. A stupid girl being insensitive or irrational isn't enough to snap my temper.

    Your fear of being abused shows a lack in self confidence, and a lack in self confidence is exactly the thing that will land you with an abusive guy. Sort out your confidence issues and the guy thing will sort itself out.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Unless hes bigger than you... In all seriousness, if you think about the number of domestic violence you hear about (news / gossip whatever) compared to the amount of peopel you know who are in a good relaitonship, youl see that the ratio is very low.. Also, as with many things, if your always -looking- for something, you tend to start overreatcing to stuff, and seeing it everywhere..
    Have a think. Also angry relationships are always dead in the water, unless you think they can be persuaded to help themselves within a relatively short space of time. In that scenario you need to look after #1.
    Thanks
    I think that i do overreact at times :|
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Nuffles)
    I feel like hitting you for assuming that all males are violent and aggressive :awesome:. I've never punched or hit anyone in earnest in the 18 years that I've been alive and I doubt it'll happen for a while yet. I do occasionally get the almost irrepressible urge to beat the living **** out of someone who's being particularly annoying or hurtful until they're a bloody lump on the ground but I haven't been even close to actually loosing it in a long time. A stupid girl being insensitive or irrational isn't enough to snap my temper.

    Your fear of being abused shows a lack in self confidence, and a lack in self confidence is exactly the thing that will land you with an abusive guy. Sort out your confidence issues and the guy thing will sort itself out.
    Sorry, i do try not to think like that... and i know there are good guys out there
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    Wiki Support Team
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So girls has your bf ever got mad/angry at you? and how did/would you cope with it?
    Have you ever got mad/angry with someone? Were you about to hit them?

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Guys, when you are mad/angry whats running through your mind?
    Bit of a vague question? What is running through my mind is certainly not "I'd like to punch this person", it's more like "why are you making me angry?".

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Do you think you could ever get mad with a girl, to an extent where you could hit her?
    Of course I could. I could get mad enough with anyone to hit them, if they provoked me enough. So could most people. So could you, I'd bet. But it wouldn't be an easy task to provoke me to hit you - you'd have to do something pretty serious, I probably wouldn't even hit you if you hit me. So unless you were planning to go and attack my friends/family or pull a knife on me, no, I probably wouldn't hit you.
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    I think similar. I get scared of getting men angry and worry about getting hit. It's silly really.
 
 
 
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