Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta

dating my flatmate at uni- can it work? help :( watch

Announcements
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    i'm a first year at uni and i've gotten really close with one of my flatmates. we've been pretty much best friends since we moved in and are planning on living together again next year etc
    few days ago we admitted we had a few feelings for each other, and have spent the last few days pretty much doing nothing but kiss and spend all our time together. it's reeeeally good, but i know if we started some sort of relationship and anything went wrong, it could be so awkward. and living just a few doors apart? it could make it weirder faster if we're always in each others faces (i'm usually in uni for 30 hours a week though, so i guess we wouldn't see each other much mon-fri).

    how do these things usually go?
    he has a friend who started dating a girl he lived with and they've been together through the whole of their degree. but my friend started dating a girl in his halls, moved into the same flat in second year then broke up and now his life is hell!
    i'm extreeeemely cautious. i'm thinking we should just forget it incase it doesn't work, but he thinks we should try and see. i want to think like him, but i'm always too careful. what to do?!?! should i jst give it a go? we're great friends, which i don't want to lose, but i reckon if it went tits up in a few months we could go back to just great friends
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    As they say, don't **** where you eat...
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Being the romantic that I am, I always find these excuses silly. And I even burned myself once in such a situation!

    But it isn't that easy, I know.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    My boyfriend and I are gonna be living together in a flat next year and we've not been together for that long, but we're such good friends that we both think we'd stay friends if we ever broke up, so it wouldn't be too awkward. If that's the case with you then I say go for it
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    Hmmm. I'm in two minds about this. On the one hand - it's a bad plan because if you fall out/break up then you're both stuck with living with your ex for an amount of time.

    On the other... My sister met her boyfriend in her uni halls, he was in the flat opposite hers. Now, they weren't living in the same flat, just on the same floor and they had their own seperate spaces even though she was normally over in his flat. They're still together nearly 4 years later...
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by littlemiss-sunshine)
    My boyfriend and I are gonna be living together in a flat next year and we've not been together for that long, but we're such good friends that we both think we'd stay friends if we ever broke up, so it wouldn't be too awkward. If that's the case with you then I say go for it
    And the cynic in me says, oh, how naive!
    • #2
    #2

    I'm sort of in the same situation. We're in halls together and moving into a house with some friends next year. We both know there's something more than friendship (nothing has happened...yet) there but I don't want to ruin things with him. I think I know how you feel! I'm interested to see people's replies.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Hmmm. I'm in two minds about this. On the one hand - it's a bad plan because if you fall out/break up then you're both stuck with living with your ex for an amount of time.

    On the other... My sister met her boyfriend in her uni halls, he was in the flat opposite hers. Now, they weren't living in the same flat, just on the same floor and they had their own seperate spaces even though she was normally over in his flat. They're still together nearly 4 years later...
    for a lot of people it's seemed to work out fine, those i know who didn't it tended to be a short "fling" that just went tits up. plus, i at least know i can deal with spending a lot of time around him without him driving me mad like a lot of people do :p:
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm sort of in the same situation. We're in halls together and moving into a house with some friends next year. We both know there's something more than friendship (nothing has happened...yet) there but I don't want to ruin things with him. I think I know how you feel! I'm interested to see people's replies.
    i'm sort of swaying more towards going for it. the more i see him, the more i think it's not such a bad idea after all.
    i guess you don't know til you try!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Depends, it works differently for different types of couples.
    If either of you like your space, then it's unlikely it will work out.

    If either of you likes to have promiscuous nights bringing people you just met in a club back to yours, then it definately won't work out.

    If the guy is smart and knows that relationships don't mean much, or at least not enough to make a commitment as big as living together...then it won't work out.

    The only way it will work out is if you're both naive, delusional and blinded by this so called feeling you'll call 'love'.

    I'm being awfully blunt here, but it's my honest opinion :dry:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I knew a couple who where in a situation like this, met in the same halls got together, moved in to the same house in the second year, and then they broke up in that house, they had seperate rooms though and stayed friends .

    If you like each other, then get it on. It's always seemed like such a ridiculous reason to me to not get together with some one in case you may brake up in the future.

    If the both of you like each other then start going out, it's that simple. If you do brake up in the future and want to stay friends, then both be mature and understanding about it and you will; if you can't do that after you've metaphorically broke up then the friendship wasn't that spectacular to begin with, thus there is no reason not to bone!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Yes it can work. You like each other, you can have a relationship = fine. Don't not get together over accommodation. Living with someone is actually a good way of getting to know them, (you honestly) do not know someone until you have lived with them. Having said that, it might be better to live nearby but separately at this point in time.

    You can have your own room and space, he has his own room and space as well as different flat or housemates. You may find you spend all your free time at his or vice versa but at least the option is there. There will be times when you will need the space and freedom away from each other, as with any other relationship getting too close, too soon can be damaging for the relationship. If anything, save the 'moving in together' for after uni.

    Maybe it would be best to live together not in the same house, but the same area or block with other people around. Perhaps stick with what you are doing now, same domestic set-up. If things did go sour you wouldn't be forced to talk to the other person or feel obligated in any way. Living next door or in each others pockets could be weird if the relationship didn't work out.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: January 23, 2010
Poll
Do you agree with the proposed ban on plastic straws and cotton buds?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.