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Non-monogamous relationships. Your opinion? watch

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    (Original post by lindsayjane)
    I think I just see things differently. I don't believe any one person can be everything to me. I don't believe that I can only be in love with one person at a time. I don't believe most people stop desiring others completely just because they are in a relationship. Even people who are monogamous still often develop feelings for other people, they just choose to suppress that impulse. I don't. I think having more people that I care about, and who care about me, is wonderful! And with some people, if I choose not to suppress it, sex is a natural part of that caring.

    Also curious: do you ever want to be with other people, or find yourself with a crush? Is it something that you choose not to do, or something that you've truly never wanted? Even when I was monogamous, I would want to be with other people sometimes. So, I'm just as curious about your way as you are about mine! :^_^:
    See, I semi understand your point about it being nice to have lots of people to care about and to care about you, but how do you feel about your partners having the same connection with others as they do with you? have you thought about how it would work should you have children?

    Also I'm not the person you quoted but while I may have crushed while I'm in a relationship I'd never do anything - I feel it would hurt my partner but even if he honestly didn't mind I don't think that I would because he gives me everything I feel I need. When there are needs not being met we work on things and form a stronger bond.
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    See, I semi understand your point about it being nice to have lots of people to care about and to care about you, but how do you feel about your partners having the same connection with others as they do with you? have you thought about how it would work should you have children?

    Also I'm not the person you quoted but while I may have crushed while I'm in a relationship I'd never do anything - I feel it would hurt my partner but even if he honestly didn't mind I don't think that I would because he gives me everything I feel I need. When there are needs not being met we work on things and form a stronger bond.
    Sometimes I feel jealous, but usually when I think about it nothing is actually being taken away from me by what my partner is doing. It is giving him joy, and I'm not actually losing anything. I can ask for reassurance, and I continue to trust that he loves me very much; with this I find I can overcome my jealousy. And I feel jealousy is worth overcoming. Just because I feel something, I don't have to give in to it; I can work through it.

    I personally have not thought about having children; that's a good decade away for me, if ever. But I do know people who make it work. Some have very infrequent other encounters, and keep it from their children until they are older; others are very open. I know someone who had a very close friendship with his lover's child, and continues to be a part of that child's life even though he is only friends with the mother now.

    Though it is simpler to go with the norm of our society (monogamy), it is not necessarily better. It is possible to find your own way, make up your own rules. And for some people, it's worth it.
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    I wouldn't do it myself but if thats what works for them then great, its none of my business and not for me to judge.
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    I like the idea, don't know about the practice personally, but if it works for others that's cool. I nearly did this with a girl - she already had a boyf, and if he'd been happy with it I'd have been her gf too, but she ended up saying that she wasn't stable enough to do that at the moment.

    I don't really get jealous, so that wouldn't be an issue.

    I don't think it's a question of 'argh, they love someone else like me!' - you can love multiple people - if you have more than one kid, do you love one more or less?

    As to parenting, I think a poly relationship would be great for that - the kid has more than two parents. It has many people it can look up to, who all have different skills and so on. It's great! I really like the idea of communally raising a child.
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    Personally I don't see a problem with polygamous/poly-amorous relationships, provided that's what they are; relationships, where all parties know where they stand. I think a lot of problems arise with 'open' relationships because of the juxtaposition between the formality of a relationship and the freedom gained by making that open...the two things aren't meant to go together. But if you and your partner(s) chose to have a formal relationship with another person or people there wouldn't be the feelings of jealousy or mistrust, it'd just be an extension of your relationship, which can only be a good thing. Of course some people will prefer monogamy, but it would be interesting to see whether many people chose this if polygamy was the social norm...
    As for children in a multiple person relationship if society was geared towards this sort of relationship I reckon it'd work really well. As things stand there would be a lot of social and legal difficulties associated with this sort of relationship, so it may not be the ideal setting to bring children up in, but if it were the norm I can see advantages, such as sharing of childcare and responsibilities, multiple influences on the children, I reckon it'd work well
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    (Original post by lindsayjane)
    Sometimes I feel jealous, but usually when I think about it nothing is actually being taken away from me by what my partner is doing. It is giving him joy, and I'm not actually losing anything. I can ask for reassurance, and I continue to trust that he loves me very much; with this I find I can overcome my jealousy. And I feel jealousy is worth overcoming. Just because I feel something, I don't have to give in to it; I can work through it.

    I personally have not thought about having children; that's a good decade away for me, if ever. But I do know people who make it work. Some have very infrequent other encounters, and keep it from their children until they are older; others are very open. I know someone who had a very close friendship with his lover's child, and continues to be a part of that child's life even though he is only friends with the mother now.

    Though it is simpler to go with the norm of our society (monogamy), it is not necessarily better. It is possible to find your own way, make up your own rules. And for some people, it's worth it.
    ah I see, yeah I think it makes a lot more sense to have one main partner and other encounters and vice versa rather than a relationship in which there are many people all the time. it shows more of a commitment to each other and the two of you would still have a bond unique to the two of you.

    I also agree with all the suggestions that communal ways of bringing up children are probably the best (even in monogamous relationships) but, like skipp said, with the way things are now legally and socially it would be difficult.
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    hmm, its probably not for me, id get much too jelous and if i cant be satisfied by him alone then there's something going wrong!? but open relationships could be equally as fun / fulfilling, but i don't suppose they'd last that long.
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    It's definately not for me, I don't even want to try it to be honest.
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    I see no reason anyone would think it couldn't work except for an irrational pre-disposition.
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    I'd give it a go, I can't see why not.
    I think a person can love multiple persons within their lifetime so there's no reason why it wouldn't work. It'd get a bit complicated if marriage came into the equation though, and the matter of favouritism.
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    (Original post by lindsayjane)
    I think I just see things differently. I don't believe any one person can be everything to me. I don't believe that I can only be in love with one person at a time. I don't believe most people stop desiring others completely just because they are in a relationship. Even people who are monogamous still often develop feelings for other people, they just choose to suppress that impulse. I don't. I think having more people that I care about, and who care about me, is wonderful! And with some people, if I choose not to suppress it, sex is a natural part of that caring.

    Also curious: do you ever want to be with other people, or find yourself with a crush? Is it something that you choose not to do, or something that you've truly never wanted? Even when I was monogamous, I would want to be with other people sometimes. So, I'm just as curious about your way as you are about mine! :^_^:
    well to be honest, i dont think i've ever thought about being with more than one person at a time! to me, my boyfriend is everything i need, i have friends who i care about and love, but its a different sort of love that i have with my boyfriend - and its so nice to think that what we have with each other, we dont have with anyone else, its special to us. sometimes i might find myself physically attracted to someone, but i dont really think anything of it, i dont consider it going any further than that, i guess that in a way i've probably sub-consciously changed my way of thinking since being in a relationship so that i dont think about being with other people.. but i dont think its a forced change, it just came naturally
 
 
 
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