I can't move on :(

Have you ever made one mistake in your life and that has turned everything upside down? When my brother died of cancer, I couldn't deal with AS levels anymore. I kept strong for my family though, didn't show any emotion/stress etc. Couple of months later, when everyone else was back on their feet, feeling better... I just lost it. I had a feeling I had some sort of depression, but I didn't do anything about it, because I knew my parents would be more devastated.

My AS results were crap and I also noticed I was gaining weight due to stress, so I thought that there must be one thing I needed to control and there started eating disorder. Biggest mistake of my life, because by the time we got to end of A2, I lost my concentration, getting 3 rejections from medical school didn't help either. I was put on a waiting list for one of the medical schools, but even if they got back to me I missed the grades (ABBB, standard for medicine AAA/AAB). The sad thing about it, the ed wasn't worth it, I had bmi of 20, so I don't even know why I did it... And I stopped it couple of months after my last A2 exam, I didn't get help for my depression/ed because I didn't want my parents to find out. I'm fine about the ed now, it was a silly(understatement, I know) thing to do, but I don't want to be depressed again.

Now, I just want to give up. I can't believe everything I worked for, I messed up during the most important year. Who does that? There was no point in reapplying this year because I haven't got the grades, so I'm basically doing nothing... except resitting couple of exams.
But I feel there's nothing I can do now, I won't get into medical school, I've let my parents and myself down. Now everytime I try and move on, I just can't get over my stupidity last year...

I don't know why I wrote this tbh, I just needed to have opinions/advice on this, because I can't take it anymore.