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Chivalry and gentlemanliness seem to be irrelavant nowadays... opinions? watch

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    A rather attractive girl held a door open for me the other day (after I had moved aside for her to go first) I was totally gobsmacked......should have asked for her number or somthing straight away, diamond in the rough.
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    I think all guys on this thread seem to be living in the WRONG country, in continental Europe, gentleman, such as myself , have a good shot with the ladies. Being generally talkative, cordial and respectful of their problems you can become their confident, shopping partner and who knows ...

    Skills of being a 'gentleman' should also be considered when intending to attain a job place, where these qualities are still required, so why stop smth which may in the end be useful to you as you age.

    Women are there for a reason
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    Chivalrous men need to adjust to the attiudes of women. You have to be chivalrous in a way which doesn't seem patronising. Instead of saying something like 'that's too heavy for you, i'll take it' say something like 'do you want a hand with carrying that?'. That way it shows you've thought about the woman but have acknowledged that she may be able to do that herself. Things like holding doors open i don't have any problem with, that's just polite and anyone who has issues with that needs to sort themselves out. So basically, girls like chivalrous guys who appreciate that women can do things on their own.
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    Surely you'd hold a door open for someone, irrespective of their gender, because no one wants a door slammed in their face?

    I think a lot of guys are scared to show any chivalry in case a girl takes it the wrong way; thinking he's only after one thing or is being patronising.

    I personally don't have a problem with chivalry, but it shouldn't be so one sided- men shouldn't have to go out of their way to accommodate girls if the girl doesn't appreciate it or it makes her feel uncomfortable. I'd feel a little uncomfortable if a guy thought it was only right for him to pay for everything, because it should be equal and I wouldn't want to feel as if I were taking advantage of his good nature. But there are some things which are nice, like being offered a jacket when it's cold out or being helped out with heavy bags. I don't think girls should expect it though, it would be unfair of a girl to take a guy's jacket if he's clearly stood there freezing cold.
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    Because you expect something from it. So it isn't really a selfless act.
    It is just general courtousy, does it matter if it isn't as sucesss (or percieved to be as sucessful) as being a bit of a ****. You are doing the right thing.
    I can't understand why some women don't want help with bags etc when they obviously are struggling (eventually giving in lol).
    Personally I just see it as the decent thing to do (I open door etc to everyone though I think opening a door for the women coming through and letting it slam in the guy afterwards face would be plain rude)
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    Well I appreciate it. Especially since it's unusual...I think it's cute how old men come into the pharmacy that I work at with their wives and just do everything for them.
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    I just like basic manners. If someone is walking behind me, I hold the door open for them - I wouldn't let it slam in their face because they're a guy :rolleyes:
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    It exists, you just need to look for gentlemanly attitude.
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    (Original post by hothedgehog)
    Chivalrous men need to adjust to the attiudes of women. You have to be chivalrous in a way which doesn't seem patronising. Instead of saying something like 'that's too heavy for you, i'll take it' say something like 'do you want a hand with carrying that?'. That way it shows you've thought about the woman but have acknowledged that she may be able to do that herself. Things like holding doors open i don't have any problem with, that's just polite and anyone who has issues with that needs to sort themselves out. So basically, girls like chivalrous guys who appreciate that women can do things on their own.
    But then women always seem to say no, when they actually mean yes... it's so confusing, like they'd say "don't buy me anything from so and so place" and when you say Ok, they'd be like "omg he didn't buy me anything" to their girlfriends.. IT'S SO CONFUSING
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    (Original post by Beula24)
    I'd rather have a gentlemen than a bad boy any day!!
    This. :yep:
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    I think it's cute, unless you have an ulterior motive of course :yep:
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    (Original post by xSkyFire)
    But then women always seem to say no, when they actually mean yes... it's so confusing, like they'd say "don't buy me anything from so and so place" and when you say Ok, they'd be like "omg he didn't buy me anything" to their girlfriends.. IT'S SO CONFUSING
    Well then they're obviously very odd women. I don't understand why being in a relationship should be such guess work when it comes to how the other person feels.
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    Why doesn't everyone hold open doors for anyone, whatever the gender? I've never understood this. It's just polite, and doesn't need to be related specifically to "chivalry". The practices related to chivalry I think should be extended to everyone - helping someone who is struggling with a bag (although I suppose this is more likely to be a woman), being courteous and kind in general. I don't think men should be obliged to pay for dinner, and I wouldn't take a coat from a man if he would be cold without it - even if he offered. I wouldn't be rude about it (I'd certainly thank him), but I don't see why he deserves to be cold more than me. I'd take it if he insisted he wouldn't get cold though.

    When I was at the train station in London a kind man helped me carry my suitcase up the stairs, and I was thoroughly grateful. I hope he would have done it for a man who was struggling in the same way though.
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    I blame those evil passive aggressive old ladies
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    I would perhaps suggest that there is still a reasonable number of chivalrous men. I personally know a fair few but they are all guys that most girls never talk to. They will be absolutely polite to most to a point where they stay out of the way of the majority because they see themselves as just in the way. In society today the chivalrous guys see themselves as the rejects so they make themselves unseen.
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    (Original post by ......?)
    The chivalrous guys of the past are probably a misconception, most of them would have thought of themselves as better than women and that they were doing things because the poor dears couldn't do it themselves. Today there is more confusion about what's chivalrous but I tend to feel that if it's something that I'd do for anybody then I'll do it but if I only did it for a female it would be patronising and it would seem that way to her as well.
    That's a good way to think about it. :yep:
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    (Original post by Bagration)
    Blame women, not men, for this. I don't really understand feminism. You could have men being nice and gentlemanly to you all the time, you'd not have to work, and still retain a whole ton of advantages, what's the point? Why do you want to be equal when being inferior would be so much better?
    You don't really believe this though, do you? Let's weigh it up- on the one hand, I can't own property, can't get easily educated or get a degree to the same standard as men, can't get a particularly fulfilling job, can't take my husband to court if he rapes me, can't vote if I hate the way the country is being run, can't control whether I have children or not, can't have sex when I want to. But men open doors for me.

    When you look at it like that, feminism seems totally worth it, doesn't it?
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    Feminism equality patronising blah blah blah, women have kind of nuked it for themselves, guys are led to believe it doesn't matter thus don't do it.

    Natural chivalry is nice to be honest, nothing overboard and not trying too hard. Again in comes the whole "Nice Guy" problem, I'd be a little unnerved if someone was trying to do everything for me but it's nice when my boyfriend offers to carry my bag every now and again :mmm:

    However as for "holding doors open", seriously, isn't that just common courtesy?
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    (Original post by Rick-Raith)
    I feel that there has been a major loss amongst all the guys in the world of the qualities of chivalry and being gentlemanly...

    And even if there are guys who are chivalrous or gentlemanly it seems more of a detriment than an actual bonus quality.

    What is up with this and what is the deal?
    Damn true, but I think that's a weight off our shoulders to be honest, opening doors, pulling out chairs, taking hats off......I'd get a bit tired of that and all of those acts put the guy in a position to do loads of unnecessary work for a girl.

    Haven't read the previous posts but there are probably girls saying how they'd love a chivalrous boyfriend etc. Chivalry just comes across as desperate these days because most of us aren't doing it, but most girls wouldn't admit this.
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    My boyfriend's the most chivalrous man I know, apart from his Dad - good breeding you see!
    He told me he was impressed because I waited while he opened the car door for me - I expected that of him and he liked that! He walks on the outside of the pavement and offers a hand when I get out of the car/van. He's a real gent like that.

    I'd say there are some well rounded men out there however, some guys just aren't brought up to learn real etiquette and it is getting lost in time, I feel. If I had a son, he'd be taught to hold open doors, walk on the outside of the pavement, offer his last rolo etc. I'd make sure he had manners.
 
 
 
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