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Advice, I have just written a rap verse watch

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    This is probably my second verse i have written, my friend who is a local rapper wanted me to do a song with him. So i thought id write a little...how is it?

    Listen… I cant control when it is my time ends
    That’s why my rhyme sends lyrics so vibrant.
    Cause when I spit I want the world to hear my voice
    Sit and rejoice and listen to the sound of my voice
    listen to my problems so they can make a different choice
    sometimes its like whats the point, but I continue on
    reminiscin on all the places that ive been and gone.
    **** in this song is true feelings its more than text
    Not ready for whats ahead I cant afford whats next
    Im absorbin in the **** around me tryin to drowned me
    In tears lookin at my fears its astounding.
    But death comes… I mean I know **** happens
    I know its tragic but I just cant quit askin.
    Man its magic, one-minute im alive and well
    High as hell, then the next minute I might as well
    Be dead my lifes gone stale, its like a nightmare
    And right there is a bullet my head just might wear.

    PS.I AM WHITE.
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    (Original post by whatajoker)
    This is probably my second verse i have written, my friend who is a local rapper wanted me to do a song with him. So i thought id write a little...how is it?

    Listen… I cant control when it is my time ends
    That’s why my rhyme sends lyrics so vibrant.
    Cause when I spit I want the world to hear my voice
    Sit and rejoice and listen to the sound of my voice
    listen to my problems so they can make a different choice
    sometimes its like whats the point, but I continue on
    reminiscin on all the places that ive been and gone.
    **** in this song is true feelings its more than text
    Not ready for whats ahead I cant afford whats next
    Im absorbin in the **** around me tryin to drowned me
    In tears lookin at my fears its astounding.
    But death comes… I mean I know **** happens
    I know its tragic but I just cant quit askin.
    Man its magic, one-minute im alive and well
    High as hell, then the next minute I might as well
    Be dead my lifes gone stale, its like a nightmare
    And right there is a bullet my head just might wear.

    PS.I AM WHITE.
    i like rap but hate rappers that rap about rapping

    good topics: hoes, money, beef etc
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    For some reason I like it. xD
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    (Original post by bds007)
    i like rap but hate rappers that rap about rapping

    good topics: hoes, money, beef etc
    funny...that isnt rap thats just mainstream music.
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    Hm i quite like it!
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    (Original post by whatajoker)
    funny...that isnt rap thats just mainstream music.
    gangsta rap is not really mainstream now is it?
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    (Original post by whatajoker)
    This is probably my second verse i have written, my friend who is a local rapper wanted me to do a song with him. So i thought id write a little...how is it?

    Listen… I cant control when it is my time ends
    That’s why my rhyme sends lyrics so vibrant.
    Cause when I spit I want the world to hear my voice
    Sit and rejoice and listen to the sound of my voice
    listen to my problems so they can make a different choice
    sometimes its like whats the point, but I continue on
    reminiscin on all the places that ive been and gone.
    **** in this song is true feelings its more than text
    Not ready for whats ahead I cant afford whats next
    Im absorbin in the **** around me tryin to drowned me
    In tears lookin at my fears its astounding.
    But death comes… I mean I know **** happens
    I know its tragic but I just cant quit askin.
    Man its magic, one-minute im alive and well
    High as hell, then the next minute I might as well
    Be dead my lifes gone stale, its like a nightmare
    And right there is a bullet my head just might wear.

    PS.I AM WHITE.
    lame
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    (Original post by bds007)
    gangsta rap is not really mainstream now is it?
    nope, true.
    But it isnt just simple those topics,
    Ice Cube considered the all time best gansgta rapper

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzeZhCt5PVA

    And it isnt just hoes...listen to the ending of that song.
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    It says voice twice and well twice never repeat the rhyme!
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    (Original post by whatajoker)
    And right there is a bullet my head just might wear.
    Do it!!!

    (Original post by whatajoker)
    PS.I AM WHITE.
    Found your main problem.
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    (Original post by whatajoker)
    nope, true.
    But it isnt just simple those topics,
    Ice Cube considered the all time best gansgta rapper

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzeZhCt5PVA

    And it isnt just hoes...listen to the ending of that song.
    best rap rong ever, the beat is dope

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZrRIMbuWUk
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    (Original post by Eccentric)
    Do it!!!



    Found your main problem.
    ...sounds like we need to go bar for bar homie...
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    No point putting bars on a forum. Unless I can hear you spit there is no point me writing as the delivery is such a big part of rapping reading bars is not the way to consume them. Your lyrics seem decent enough though
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    (Original post by Eccentric)
    Do it!!!



    Found your main problem.
    white rappers can be good

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAA4rnF1PTo
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    (Original post by whatajoker)
    This is probably my second verse i have written, my friend who is a local rapper wanted me to do a song with him. So i thought id write a little...how is it?

    Listen… I cant control when it is my time ends
    That’s why my rhyme sends lyrics so vibrant.
    Cause when I spit I want the world to hear my voice
    Sit and rejoice and listen to the sound of my voice
    listen to my problems so they can make a different choice
    sometimes its like whats the point, but I continue on
    reminiscin on all the places that ive been and gone.
    **** in this song is true feelings its more than text
    Not ready for whats ahead I cant afford whats next
    Im absorbin in the **** around me tryin to drowned me
    In tears lookin at my fears its astounding.
    But death comes… I mean I know **** happens
    I know its tragic but I just cant quit askin.
    Man its magic, one-minute im alive and well
    High as hell, then the next minute I might as well
    Be dead my lifes gone stale, its like a nightmare
    And right there is a bullet my head just might wear.
    We can but hope.

    PS.I AM WHITE.
    P.S. We know.
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    Learn to play an instrument, and make some real music

    On a serious note- listen to this rap for inspiration:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AE4zF36dPxE
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    (Original post by whatajoker)
    ...sounds like we need to go bar for bar homie...
    I don't want to go to any bars with you as I am not that way inclined thank you very much. :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by whatajoker)
    This is probably my second verse i have written, my friend who is a local rapper wanted me to do a song with him. So i thought id write a little...how is it?

    Listen… I cant control when it is my time ends
    That’s why my rhyme sends lyrics so vibrant.
    Cause when I spit I want the world to hear my voice
    Sit and rejoice and listen to the sound of my voice
    listen to my problems so they can make a different choice
    sometimes its like whats the point, but I continue on
    reminiscin on all the places that ive been and gone.
    **** in this song is true feelings its more than text
    Not ready for whats ahead I cant afford whats next
    Im absorbin in the **** around me tryin to drowned me
    In tears lookin at my fears its astounding.
    But death comes… I mean I know **** happens
    I know its tragic but I just cant quit askin.
    Man its magic, one-minute im alive and well
    High as hell, then the next minute I might as well
    Be dead my lifes gone stale, its like a nightmare
    And right there is a bullet my head just might wear.

    PS.I AM WHITE.
    Good flow though the first line is wack yo.:yep:
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    (Original post by whatajoker)
    PS.I AM WHITE.
    I guessed. I came on this thread thinking I was about to have a laugh, but the lyrics are actually pretty good.
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    (Original post by gingergooner)
    I guessed. I came on this thread thinking I was about to have a laugh, but the lyrics are actually pretty good.
    Thanks.
    I guess the haters can.....just hate.
 
 
 

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