Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Advice, I have just written a rap verse watch

    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    I cringed, hard.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by bds007)
    best rap rong ever, the beat is dope

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZrRIMbuWUk
    nope this is the best rap song ever, lyrical content pawns beat.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3u3JSEqNtlg
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by whatajoker)
    This is probably my second verse i have written, my friend who is a local rapper wanted me to do a song with him. So i thought id write a little...how is it?

    Listen… I cant control when it is my time ends
    That’s why my rhyme sends lyrics so vibrant.
    Cause when I spit I want the world to hear my voice
    Sit and rejoice and listen to the sound of my voice
    listen to my problems so they can make a different choice
    sometimes its like whats the point, but I continue on
    reminiscin on all the places that ive been and gone.
    **** in this song is true feelings its more than text
    Not ready for whats ahead I cant afford whats next
    Im absorbin in the **** around me tryin to drowned me
    In tears lookin at my fears its astounding.
    But death comes… I mean I know **** happens
    I know its tragic but I just cant quit askin.
    Man its magic, one-minute im alive and well
    High as hell, then the next minute I might as well
    Be dead my lifes gone stale, its like a nightmare
    And right there is a bullet my head just might wear.


    PS.I AM WHITE.
    I liked that bit because the flow was original. Do more of that

    To be honest, if you're white you've got to be twice as good to get noticed these days, I'm going to get hated for saying that but its true, it seems like you are definitely on the right track though.

    Please don't be sucked in by using the word "like" in every bar, we can all make up similes.

    If you wanna see what I'm talking about check the first verse on this track, I know its lil wayne but just listen.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2ibu9Ei6n4
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Libtolu)
    nope this is the best rap song ever, lyrical content pawns beat.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3u3JSEqNtlg
    nice lyrics but i like dope beats better
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Name: What a joker

    Thread: Rap

    Final message: P.S. I am white.

    This is going to be a fun thread...
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    OP, be careful, it's tricky to rock a rhyme.
    To rock a rhyme that's right on time... it's tricky.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Libtolu)
    nope this is the best rap song ever, lyrical content pawns beat.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3u3JSEqNtlg
    Immortal is hard, but I got bored of all the conspiracy ****/stuff years ago. Rap doesn't always have to be so serious.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Need to touch upon more important subjects; such as shanks, weed, gash, pars, postcodes Ect.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Tha_Black_Shinobi)
    No point putting bars on a forum. Unless I can hear you spit there is no point me writing as the delivery is such a big part of rapping reading bars is not the way to consume them. Your lyrics seem decent enough though
    Wow...your sig gives me good memories man, i love almost every album on your sig!

    Thanks for all the advice guys, when i brush this verse up ill go the studio and record it, and show u guys
    The guy im recording with, he won a competition for best rapper in Cardiff...
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    "But death comes… I mean I know **** happens"
    GANGSTER
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    I suppose if you can do it at the speed that I read it, then damn homeboy, you deserve credit; but, if it's got to have that lame opening hook, you may as well read them some Thomas Cook (holidays that is; you know, places that are nice: I want 5* hotels for a 3* price).

    I can't exactly say I'm enamoured with it, or your overuse of the word ****, but if it's the best you can muster for your best mate...I suppose he's got to take what's on your plate. Good luck with it, you know, this competition, but, maybe try avoid all that repetition. It just doesn't work in places,, you see; but that's just my opinion, and I'm just me.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by whatajoker)
    PS.I AM WHITE.
    Troll?
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Eccentric)
    Do it!!!



    Found your main problem.
    :rofl: OMG REP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Athiests, we’re going to reign,
    Because we know the logic to this game,
    But you god believers are all baffled,
    You think that a mystical power will guide you through this battle,
    You look back and see the light shine upon you,
    But leme say this, thats the sun, retard ***** **** YOU,

    Listen, my lyrics are based on a method,
    I think you can see that’s how you know I come from Harvard,
    But you know what you are? a lame ass *******,
    Aint gonna make a comeback cus your just too retarded,

    Now I’m gonna run through you, your gonna get blistered,
    You’ve just been splintered, now your charted, flustered,
    Can’t bere to watch this, cus you know your gonna get busted,
    You just fainted, your too wasted, just been vaulted, toasted and roasted, daunted, running from coast to coast you’re being hunted, aint got nowhere to go, you know you’ve lost this.

    Before I leave, I just want you to know that this was bliss,
    I’m guna pull this trigger now like I did with your sis.

    I’m out.

    © Copyright rap - Instincts_2012. ©
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    I am white
    My rapping is *****
    I want respect
    But have no job prospects
    I wish I was brown
    And it makes me frown
    Rapping about rapping
    Out of my mouth I am crapping
    My dignity is escapping
    Around my toes piss is lapping
    I deserve a good slapping


    Yo check my rhymes people.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Cesare Borgia)
    I am white
    My rapping is *****
    I want respect
    But have no job prospects
    I wish I was brown
    And it makes me frown
    Rapping about rapping
    Out of my mouth I am crapping
    My dignity is escapping
    Around my toes piss is lapping
    I deserve a good slapping


    Yo check my rhymes people.
    :rofl:
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Libtolu)
    nope this is the best rap song ever, lyrical content pawns beat.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3u3JSEqNtlg
    o gosh another TSR Immortal Technique bum boy. I notice that as usual Tech's flow is very substandard on that song. Actually just listened more and his flow is actually BAD. The guy has some thoughtful lyrics but at the end of the day his delivery is wack it doesnt help that his so called great lyrical content is filled with conspiracy theories that may or may not be true
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by whatajoker)
    ...
    I took the liberty of rewriting it a little bit:

    Listen, you know I cant control when my time ends
    My rhymes send lyrics so vibrant and violent
    You're silent, cos I'm a lyrical tyrant
    Like Genghis Khan riding through the Asian mountains
    Unstoppable, when I spit the world will hear my voice
    My flow's so strong they know they got no choice
    Sometimes I'm like "what's the point, give up"
    But I continue 'till the crowd is real ****** up

    **** in this song is true feelings, it's not about drug dealings
    Murder, or how I'm wheeling
    I'm absorbin' all the **** around me, it drowns me
    Asphyxiate on my tears and fears its astounding
    Yeah death is coming… I mean I know **** happens
    I know its tragic but I just cant quit rappin'.
    Man its magic, one-minute I'm alive and well
    High as hell, then the next minute I might as well
    Be dead, but you know I try not to dwell
    Like Satan you'll know how high I fell
    And then it won't matter how many records I sell
    At least I got this verse to tell y'all farewell
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    'Sit and rejoice and listen to the sound of my voice'

    Sounds too similar to Eminems track 'When I'm gone' obviously copied it, write your own stuff. It looks good to me but I don't know if you've taken other parts from others artists songs.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    Word.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: January 25, 2010
Poll
Do you agree with the PM's proposal to cut tuition fees for some courses?
Useful resources

Articles:

TSR wiki music section

Quick link:

Unanswered music threads

Groups associated with this forum:

View associated groups

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.