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    Anon please...

    When me and my boyfriend have sex he seems to have no trouble getting hard before/during foreplay, but when we have sex he seems to go soft really easily. It's as if he needs to be constantly stimulated to stay hard..as soon as he's not e.g. changing positions he goes soft within 10 seconds or so. Or the same happens sometimes just during sex even if we havent paused.

    He's on the small side as it is so obviously if hes semi hard throughout sex it makes a lot of positions (like me on top) difficult..He also can't seem to come from sex, just foreplay so I'm wondering if it's a lack of friction due to him being small issue. I've never had this problem with any other men so I'm assuming it's not me! Otherwise he's really passionate and definately seems to enjoy it..foreplay etc is great just actual sex is a bit frustrating!

    We havent been sleeping together very long so I'm reluctant to bring it up incase it's a nerves/performance anxiety thing and I make it worse by acknowledging it! It doesnt always happen...but most of the time. There seems to be no correlation with whether he's drunk or not either because at first I thought it was just alcohol but sometimes it's fine when hes drunk..other times not and the same when he's sober. He also loses his erection IMMEDIATELY after he's come which I find really strange as all other men I've known usually stay hard for at least a few mins after.

    He seems to have no problem getting hard again in a short space of time though...we've had sex multiple times in a night..which makes it even more confusing!

    Any ideas? From a male point of view should I bring it up and ask him or is this a definate no?
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    Tricky one - sounds to be a psychological rather than physical issue as you say sometimes he's fine, other times not and that its only sex that there's an issue with. Don't want to make it a big deal otherwise that'll make it worse - doesn't mean don't bring it up tactfully, but make sure you don't say you're disappointed/unsatisfied/frustrated etc (even if you are!) as that'll definitly make it worse! As a side point, maybe he's been flying solo a bit much - that can desensitise it a bit and foreplay can tend to be a little more tactile than sex... Just a thought!
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    From my experiences...there are different types of guys. Guys who are more like girls, by which I mean they take a relatively short time to get aroused, come, then can get it up and go at it again quickly, and other guys who take a longer time to come, and to recharge. This much is normal.
    Getting soft could be due to several things, lack of arousal for whatever reason, too much masturbation by himself or being used to manual sex (vaginal takes some getting used to), being a virgin, or indeed because of not being stimulated enough through a smaller penis and a loose pussy.
    So, solutions: find out why you're not arousing him by asking him or finding out, ask him how much he masturbates and ask him to cut down, asking or finding out if he's a virgin, and perhaps tensing while he's inside or using a **** ring or your hand around his penis.
    Hope it helps.
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    That's a good point about the masturbation. He was single for a while before me and apparently didn't have sex for 8 months before! We were friends before we got together and he used to joke about his devotion to masturbation! I don't think it's me being 'too big' as not had this issue before..he's pretty small but not the smallest Ive been with and the smaller guy could come from sex. I suppose I could bring it up casually and say something like "so can you not come from sex? I know some people can't" ..so that I'm not implying he's abnormal.
 
 
 
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