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I really need some advice.
I'de appreciate some advice or something..I'm getting pretty desperate.
I found out by accident (opening up the wrong christmas card.), I have a older half sister who was adopted when she was born. My mum kept this to herself for over 25 years...She is a very influencial government individual.. It was a shock, and it wrecked my christmas..my mother explained it all, but my father still doesn't know..it's such a mess. I was heavily depressed (drank alot etc..Post traumatic shock) I'm sure and it did affect my january exam results..
There was little conversation between our family(minus dad) and 'her'... It all ended, as one of my siblings felt this estranged sister was being too intrusive,probably slightly jealous of her success. About 2months ago I e-mailed 'her' behind my 2siblings back, with support from my mum. I did this because I was curious, and I wanted my mum not to feel as if I was oppressing contact with this child she had and such..This half-sister is really nice, pleasant, beautiful and funny, I enjoy every email she sends me. i know everything about her..I just wish I could tell people..I'm living a lie.
I really need some advice, I can't live with myself anymore. i feel either guilt ridden or everyday. I'm firstly lying to my dad, he knows nothing about all of this 'child'. I'm further lying from my two close sisters, talking to this 'child' they hate daily. Thirdly, I'm lying to myself, and most of my friends. I'm going to university in October (hopefully!), and it seems probable I will be living a "double-life", if not for the rest of my life.
I wake up in the middle of the night and check my email is secure, I am becoming paranoid, I distrust people and I think I'm going insane. i don't want any psychological help, as I don't want my mum to feel as if she brought this on. I just have the whole weight of my family, this half-sister and my life on my shoulders right now..and I don't know if I can live like this for the rest of my life.
Anyone any suggestions on what I should do?? - anything?
DP1986.
I found out by accident (opening up the wrong christmas card.), I have a older half sister who was adopted when she was born. My mum kept this to herself for over 25 years...She is a very influencial government individual.. It was a shock, and it wrecked my christmas..my mother explained it all, but my father still doesn't know..it's such a mess. I was heavily depressed (drank alot etc..Post traumatic shock) I'm sure and it did affect my january exam results..
There was little conversation between our family(minus dad) and 'her'... It all ended, as one of my siblings felt this estranged sister was being too intrusive,probably slightly jealous of her success. About 2months ago I e-mailed 'her' behind my 2siblings back, with support from my mum. I did this because I was curious, and I wanted my mum not to feel as if I was oppressing contact with this child she had and such..This half-sister is really nice, pleasant, beautiful and funny, I enjoy every email she sends me. i know everything about her..I just wish I could tell people..I'm living a lie.
I really need some advice, I can't live with myself anymore. i feel either guilt ridden or everyday. I'm firstly lying to my dad, he knows nothing about all of this 'child'. I'm further lying from my two close sisters, talking to this 'child' they hate daily. Thirdly, I'm lying to myself, and most of my friends. I'm going to university in October (hopefully!), and it seems probable I will be living a "double-life", if not for the rest of my life.
I wake up in the middle of the night and check my email is secure, I am becoming paranoid, I distrust people and I think I'm going insane. i don't want any psychological help, as I don't want my mum to feel as if she brought this on. I just have the whole weight of my family, this half-sister and my life on my shoulders right now..and I don't know if I can live like this for the rest of my life.
Anyone any suggestions on what I should do?? - anything?
DP1986.
Deadprez1986
I'de appreciate some advice or something..I'm getting pretty desperate.
I found out by accident (opening up the wrong christmas card.), I have a older half sister who was adopted when she was born. My mum kept this to herself for over 25 years...She is a very influencial government individual.. It was a shock, and it wrecked my christmas..my mother explained it all, but my father still doesn't know..it's such a mess. I was heavily depressed (drank alot etc..Post traumatic shock) I'm sure and it did affect my january exam results..
There was little conversation between our family(minus dad) and 'her'... It all ended, as one of my siblings felt this estranged sister was being too intrusive,probably slightly jealous of her success. About 2months ago I e-mailed 'her' behind my 2siblings back, with support from my mum. I did this because I was curious, and I wanted my mum not to feel as if I was oppressing contact with this child she had and such..This half-sister is really nice, pleasant, beautiful and funny, I enjoy every email she sends me. i know everything about her..I just wish I could tell people..I'm living a lie.
I really need some advice, I can't live with myself anymore. i feel either guilt ridden or everyday. I'm firstly lying to my dad, he knows nothing about all of this 'child'. I'm further lying from my two close sisters, talking to this 'child' they hate daily. Thirdly, I'm lying to myself, and most of my friends. I'm going to university in October (hopefully!), and it seems probable I will be living a "double-life", if not for the rest of my life.
I wake up in the middle of the night and check my email is secure, I am becoming paranoid, I distrust people and I think I'm going insane. i don't want any psychological help, as I don't want my mum to feel as if she brought this on. I just have the whole weight of my family, this half-sister and my life on my shoulders right now..and I don't know if I can live like this for the rest of my life.
Anyone any suggestions on what I should do?? - anything?
DP1986.
I found out by accident (opening up the wrong christmas card.), I have a older half sister who was adopted when she was born. My mum kept this to herself for over 25 years...She is a very influencial government individual.. It was a shock, and it wrecked my christmas..my mother explained it all, but my father still doesn't know..it's such a mess. I was heavily depressed (drank alot etc..Post traumatic shock) I'm sure and it did affect my january exam results..
There was little conversation between our family(minus dad) and 'her'... It all ended, as one of my siblings felt this estranged sister was being too intrusive,probably slightly jealous of her success. About 2months ago I e-mailed 'her' behind my 2siblings back, with support from my mum. I did this because I was curious, and I wanted my mum not to feel as if I was oppressing contact with this child she had and such..This half-sister is really nice, pleasant, beautiful and funny, I enjoy every email she sends me. i know everything about her..I just wish I could tell people..I'm living a lie.
I really need some advice, I can't live with myself anymore. i feel either guilt ridden or everyday. I'm firstly lying to my dad, he knows nothing about all of this 'child'. I'm further lying from my two close sisters, talking to this 'child' they hate daily. Thirdly, I'm lying to myself, and most of my friends. I'm going to university in October (hopefully!), and it seems probable I will be living a "double-life", if not for the rest of my life.
I wake up in the middle of the night and check my email is secure, I am becoming paranoid, I distrust people and I think I'm going insane. i don't want any psychological help, as I don't want my mum to feel as if she brought this on. I just have the whole weight of my family, this half-sister and my life on my shoulders right now..and I don't know if I can live like this for the rest of my life.
Anyone any suggestions on what I should do?? - anything?
DP1986.
hey sweetie,dont be getting paranoid over it - your email is always going to be secure! but i really dunno what to say about the rest but maybe you should have a conversation with your mum about it
and maybe you can have peace of mind then xoxoyou'll have to tell your mum how you feel.
also, perhaps your sisters should know your emailing her. i mean y should they be angry with her? its not her fault she exists, and even more to the point, why shouldnt you be in touch with her?
i'm afraid i don't really feel qualified to give anything better than that in the way of advice, but don't go bearing all that weight by yourself, theres no sense in it.
also, perhaps your sisters should know your emailing her. i mean y should they be angry with her? its not her fault she exists, and even more to the point, why shouldnt you be in touch with her?
i'm afraid i don't really feel qualified to give anything better than that in the way of advice, but don't go bearing all that weight by yourself, theres no sense in it.
wow, what a burden you must feel that you're carrying; knowing you have a half-sister is a *big* thing to hide from your dad, let alone contacting her without him or your siblings knowing! Not meaning to state the obvious, but that is a difficult situation you're in. Out of interest, how old are you, your siblings (particularly the one that caused contact to end) and your half sister?
You have a number of choices. Personally, i think it is unfair of your mum to, maybe subconciously, put a lot of pressure on you and your siblings to keep the news of your half sister from your dad. You could encourage your mum to tell your dad - yes, he'll undoubtedly be shocked, but better he finds out from your mum than from anyone else? Maybe you could have family counselling, ro something, to discuss all of your feelings?
If breaking it to your dad is not an option, then you could talk to your siblings(just them) and discuss your half sister, and bring her into the equation of your family again. Maybe do this gradually, and eventually say that youve been emailing her, not to be deliberately controversial, but that you personally wish to keep in contact, with or without their blessing. You are entitled to keep in contact with your sister, and although this may harm your relationship with your siblings, if you talk to them gradually, without unloading the whole 'bombshell' on them all in one conversation, then you'll probably have more chance of persuading them. Maybe you, your siblings and your half sister can all meet up, without parents? If not, then show them your emails (or at least the parts that you wouldbe willing to, if they are really private), to show them how she is the nice, warm person you say she is.
Another option is to break contact with your sister, although i suspect you wont want to do this. How does she feel towards your other siblings?Or, you could carry on as you are doing now, but i dont want you to!!! You are stressed out by the situation, and you aren't the central figure in all of this, that responsibility belongs to your mum, who is the link between your family and your half sister.
I would talk to your mum, possibly encourage her to talk with your dad. Then, I'd start to mention your half-sister more and more with your siblings, gradually, to gently persuade them to see your point of view. They dont have to get on with her, or acknowledge them as part of their lives: if you get on with your half-sister, you should be able to see her. Tell them how you feel, and that you love them, but you personally want to keep your half-sister in your life.
Good luck
You have a number of choices. Personally, i think it is unfair of your mum to, maybe subconciously, put a lot of pressure on you and your siblings to keep the news of your half sister from your dad. You could encourage your mum to tell your dad - yes, he'll undoubtedly be shocked, but better he finds out from your mum than from anyone else? Maybe you could have family counselling, ro something, to discuss all of your feelings?
If breaking it to your dad is not an option, then you could talk to your siblings(just them) and discuss your half sister, and bring her into the equation of your family again. Maybe do this gradually, and eventually say that youve been emailing her, not to be deliberately controversial, but that you personally wish to keep in contact, with or without their blessing. You are entitled to keep in contact with your sister, and although this may harm your relationship with your siblings, if you talk to them gradually, without unloading the whole 'bombshell' on them all in one conversation, then you'll probably have more chance of persuading them. Maybe you, your siblings and your half sister can all meet up, without parents? If not, then show them your emails (or at least the parts that you wouldbe willing to, if they are really private), to show them how she is the nice, warm person you say she is.
Another option is to break contact with your sister, although i suspect you wont want to do this. How does she feel towards your other siblings?Or, you could carry on as you are doing now, but i dont want you to!!! You are stressed out by the situation, and you aren't the central figure in all of this, that responsibility belongs to your mum, who is the link between your family and your half sister.
I would talk to your mum, possibly encourage her to talk with your dad. Then, I'd start to mention your half-sister more and more with your siblings, gradually, to gently persuade them to see your point of view. They dont have to get on with her, or acknowledge them as part of their lives: if you get on with your half-sister, you should be able to see her. Tell them how you feel, and that you love them, but you personally want to keep your half-sister in your life.
Good luck
I understand you are in a very difficult situation, but try not to feel so guilty and pressured by it. Your sisters should not resent you for contacting your half sister, and it is very mature you have gotten to know her etc. About telling your dad, you don't want to cause trouble with the family, but if you feel that strongly against him not knowing you must speak to your mum about it. It isn't your fault your mum had another child, so do not feel guilty. I'm sorry it has affected your family life so negatively. You won't be leading a double life, your just allowing contact to another family member. Good luck for the future
Thanks, i do appreciate the advice..I went away and thought about it all for a while..but things have progressed since a month ago..
Yes, I have a twin sister, and a older one.
'She' txt's me now on a daily basis..she's lovely, and I would love to be a part of her life, and i know, to be honest I can't..
I have found out (I've had my suspicions for a year or so now..) my dad is having 'extra marrital fun'..I kinda had a idea, but a load of evidence on his laptop/email/ confirmed it...anyways ..he works away all week, and only comes back for weekends? - should I tell my mum? - would this send her over the edge??
Thanks for reading..
DP1986.
Yes, I have a twin sister, and a older one.
'She' txt's me now on a daily basis..she's lovely, and I would love to be a part of her life, and i know, to be honest I can't..
I have found out (I've had my suspicions for a year or so now..) my dad is having 'extra marrital fun'..I kinda had a idea, but a load of evidence on his laptop/email/ confirmed it...anyways ..he works away all week, and only comes back for weekends? - should I tell my mum? - would this send her over the edge??
Thanks for reading..
DP1986.
Deadprez1986
Thanks, i do appreciate the advice..I went away and thought about it all for a while..but things have progressed since a month ago..
Yes, I have a twin sister, and a older one.
'She' txt's me now on a daily basis..she's lovely, and I would love to be a part of her life, and i know, to be honest I can't..
I have found out (I've had my suspicions for a year or so now..) my dad is having 'extra marrital fun'..I kinda had a idea, but a load of evidence on his laptop/email/ confirmed it...anyways ..he works away all week, and only comes back for weekends? - should I tell my mum? - would this send her over the edge??
Thanks for reading..
DP1986.
Yes, I have a twin sister, and a older one.
'She' txt's me now on a daily basis..she's lovely, and I would love to be a part of her life, and i know, to be honest I can't..
I have found out (I've had my suspicions for a year or so now..) my dad is having 'extra marrital fun'..I kinda had a idea, but a load of evidence on his laptop/email/ confirmed it...anyways ..he works away all week, and only comes back for weekends? - should I tell my mum? - would this send her over the edge??
Thanks for reading..
DP1986.
Oh my god! sounds like my family! (apart from the governement influence bit)
Mu father had a son (my half-brother) from his first marriage and didnt tell any of us about it, untill his son came looking for him. I didnt want to really get to know this bloke ( seemed a bit werid tbh), but if you want to get to know her then thats your decsion, nobody else can tell you whats right or wrong.
At this time my father was also having an affair ( the second one since my parents had been married) and i found out, info on his computer emails and stuff, i told my mum; its not fair for your mum not to know and you'll find it really hard to keep it from her. wouldnt you want to know if your partner was cheating?
My mother took my father back after the affair against my best wishes, he is violent and used to hit me with belts and my mother used to punch me etc etc so i moved out left them too it.
Deadprez1986
I'de appreciate some advice or something..I'm getting pretty desperate.
I found out by accident (opening up the wrong christmas card.), I have a older half sister who was adopted when she was born. My mum kept this to herself for over 25 years...She is a very influencial government individual.. It was a shock, and it wrecked my christmas..my mother explained it all, but my father still doesn't know..it's such a mess. I was heavily depressed (drank alot etc..Post traumatic shock) I'm sure and it did affect my january exam results..
There was little conversation between our family(minus dad) and 'her'... It all ended, as one of my siblings felt this estranged sister was being too intrusive,probably slightly jealous of her success. About 2months ago I e-mailed 'her' behind my 2siblings back, with support from my mum. I did this because I was curious, and I wanted my mum not to feel as if I was oppressing contact with this child she had and such..This half-sister is really nice, pleasant, beautiful and funny, I enjoy every email she sends me. i know everything about her..I just wish I could tell people..I'm living a lie.
I really need some advice, I can't live with myself anymore. i feel either guilt ridden or everyday. I'm firstly lying to my dad, he knows nothing about all of this 'child'. I'm further lying from my two close sisters, talking to this 'child' they hate daily. Thirdly, I'm lying to myself, and most of my friends. I'm going to university in October (hopefully!), and it seems probable I will be living a "double-life", if not for the rest of my life.
I wake up in the middle of the night and check my email is secure, I am becoming paranoid, I distrust people and I think I'm going insane. i don't want any psychological help, as I don't want my mum to feel as if she brought this on. I just have the whole weight of my family, this half-sister and my life on my shoulders right now..and I don't know if I can live like this for the rest of my life.
Anyone any suggestions on what I should do?? - anything?
DP1986.
I found out by accident (opening up the wrong christmas card.), I have a older half sister who was adopted when she was born. My mum kept this to herself for over 25 years...She is a very influencial government individual.. It was a shock, and it wrecked my christmas..my mother explained it all, but my father still doesn't know..it's such a mess. I was heavily depressed (drank alot etc..Post traumatic shock) I'm sure and it did affect my january exam results..
There was little conversation between our family(minus dad) and 'her'... It all ended, as one of my siblings felt this estranged sister was being too intrusive,probably slightly jealous of her success. About 2months ago I e-mailed 'her' behind my 2siblings back, with support from my mum. I did this because I was curious, and I wanted my mum not to feel as if I was oppressing contact with this child she had and such..This half-sister is really nice, pleasant, beautiful and funny, I enjoy every email she sends me. i know everything about her..I just wish I could tell people..I'm living a lie.
I really need some advice, I can't live with myself anymore. i feel either guilt ridden or everyday. I'm firstly lying to my dad, he knows nothing about all of this 'child'. I'm further lying from my two close sisters, talking to this 'child' they hate daily. Thirdly, I'm lying to myself, and most of my friends. I'm going to university in October (hopefully!), and it seems probable I will be living a "double-life", if not for the rest of my life.
I wake up in the middle of the night and check my email is secure, I am becoming paranoid, I distrust people and I think I'm going insane. i don't want any psychological help, as I don't want my mum to feel as if she brought this on. I just have the whole weight of my family, this half-sister and my life on my shoulders right now..and I don't know if I can live like this for the rest of my life.
Anyone any suggestions on what I should do?? - anything?
DP1986.
first and foremost ur email is secure so dont worry abt that. i agree it wud have been quite a shock. But then so many years have gone past. if i was in ur position i'd love to have a sister - but i am the only child in the family so it wud mean a lot to me. Probably ur opinion is different. Honestly it'll be nice to know that u have another sibling. Agreed the initial shock but i guess u have to think of this a little more and approach it differently. See the big picture. You'll be fine! be supportive to your mum...she might have done something wrong...but we forgive and forget..and on the brighter side...u have a sister
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