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Will I ever forget my first love? watch

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    (Original post by Ilora-Danon)
    Erm, surely that depends on the couple and their terms of agreement?

    In my book, a break is time apart to reassess feelings for each other. Not to shag other people. But that's just my take on it. *shrugs*
    But would you consider shagging someone else on a break as cheating? I want just your take on it.
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    (Original post by Ilora-Danon)
    You're putting that 'mental block' there on your own. There is, in reality, nothing stopping you from parting company from each other. I understand how scary it must be to go from being in a comfortable, habitual relationship for so long, into singledom, but surely it's worth taking that risk if at the end of the day, you're going to be happier in yourself?

    Take some time to think about your options, and set yourself a goal of when you're going to make a final decision. Don't let yourself get swept up in 'settling' if that's not what you want, so make it easier for yourself by keeping yourself motivated to keeping yourself happy.
    You are right, it's so hard to break off from someone controlling though. He lives in the same place as I do and is very possesive. Also he is going through so many issues, it's always the wrong time to leave him. I am so happy sometimes in his compnay, other times utterly miserable. It has gotten to the point I sometimes wish he would cheat on me so I have an excuse to walk away.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You are right, it's so hard to break off from someone controlling though. He lives in the same place as I do and is very possesive. Also he is going through so many issues, it's always the wrong time to leave him. I am so happy sometimes in his compnay, other times utterly miserable. It has gotten to the point I sometimes wish he would cheat on me so I have an excuse to walk away.
    That's the thing though, no one should EVER need an excuse to walk away from a relationship.

    This relationship is sounding more and more abusive in a passive way, to me. Seriously, get out while it's still fresh in your mind. Only you have the power to change your circumstances. I hope with all my heart you do muster the courage to follow your head, not your heart. Leave this guy, he's not good for you. :hugs:

    (Original post by Moa)
    But would you consider shagging someone else on a break as cheating? I want just your take on it.
    If I was on a break from a relationship and we had discussed beforehand what the break was for and agreed not to see other people, and then he shagged someone else - of course it's cheating. It's disrespecting the other person given that you'd verbally agreed to be single during the break. I also can't see how you'd get back together with someone after they'd slept with someone else in that time. But that's just me - I'm allergic to infidelity.
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    run in to a brick wall, you might forget one or two things . i've been in that situation. I ended it, i'm still happy. Life moves on and i didn't even run in to a wall .
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    (Original post by Ilora-Danon)
    That's the thing though, no one should EVER need an excuse to walk away from a relationship.

    This relationship is sounding more and more abusive in a passive way, to me. Seriously, get out while it's still fresh in your mind. Only you have the power to change your circumstances. I hope with all my heart you do muster the courage to follow your head, not your heart. Leave this guy, he's not good for you. :hugs:

    If I was on a break from a relationship and we had discussed beforehand what the break was for and agreed not to see other people, and then he shagged someone else - of course it's cheating. It's disrespecting the other person given that you'd verbally agreed to be single during the break. I also can't see how you'd get back together with someone after they'd slept with someone else in that time. But that's just me - I'm allergic to infidelity.
    Ah thanks so much. You're right. He is abusive and it is a bad relationship. I just feel so settled and obviously there are happy memories which I can't let go of. I just need to do it..
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    (Original post by Ilora-Danon)
    He wouldn't agree to go on a break!? What a lunatic.

    He can't be allowed to have that much 'power' in the relationship, you're two people not one under the other's thumb. If you're not happy and want a break, then tell him. You have just as much right to a break if you want one, you don't have to ask his permission.
    From the sounds of it, he likes having control. And to me, that's not the sort of relationship you want to be in.
    I wouldn't go on a break, unless it's for a very very valid reason (ie. I/he cheated and he/I need time out to evaluate their feelings). It's a limbo between relationship and break-up, and that's not a fair place to put anyone. It's nothing to do with control; to be honest, if she calls a break it's clearly she who's demanding the control!

    OP, anyone you've ever loved and cared for will have a hold on your heart. But like everyone else said, you can move on. Especially as you clearly know there's no future (although I don't know how...), do it for his sake and end it now. If you want him to be happy too, end it soon. He should understand this is for both your happiness.
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    I've been in a situation like this.
    You have to go, it's worth it in the end. It 's hard at the time, it hurts like hell, and all you want to do is run back to what you know and feel safe again.
    But after going through that, it all gets so much better. You're more confident in yourself, in what you want, and then, in some time, you'll meet someone else, who is lovely and better than you ever imagined and makes you feel amazing and doesn't put you down or try to control you. It's so worth it :hugs:
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    it's harsh but you need to end it...you're prob too young to be tied down to someone just for the hell of it... a relationship with no excitement, passion or tenderness isn't good for anyone...and deep down you know it's the right thinng to do...
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    (Original post by Antimatter)
    I've been in a situation like this.
    You have to go, it's worth it in the end. It 's hard at the time, it hurts like hell, and all you want to do is run back to what you know and feel safe again.
    But after going through that, it all gets so much better. You're more confident in yourself, in what you want, and then, in some time, you'll meet someone else, who is lovely and better than you ever imagined and makes you feel amazing and doesn't put you down or try to control you. It's so worth it :hugs:
    How long did it take for you to move on? It's so scary...he's been a part of my life for what feels like an eternity, and turning my back on that comfort and ease with each other for someone completely new, is so so scary.
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    Yes. You will probably remember him all your life, but it will become like a fond memory, but it won't be the same as it was when you were/are with him.
    Don't worry you will be able to move on, and so will he.
    Seems like you're only together because its 'comfortable', I can't tell you what to do because I hardly know your situation, but the sooner you leave him the sooner you will find that Mr Right! Don't keep settling for Mr Right-Now!:yep:
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    yes i think you would but just give it some time
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How long did it take for you to move on? It's so scary...he's been a part of my life for what feels like an eternity, and turning my back on that comfort and ease with each other for someone completely new, is so so scary.
    It took me probably over a year to be totally over it :blush:
    I know it's scary, but think, would you want him for the rest of your life? No.
    Plus, being single is so nice after a long time in a relationship
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    End it, but don't try any of this remaining friends business... from experience if you go that route it'll just end in one or the other getting lonely and with an opening still there, someone will try and re-kindle something that is clearly not working.

    Takes along time to fully move on, and even then there will be times when you think of them.

    For me its a blue Peugot 206 every time I see one I think its her... and this is after a year, don't know why I care tbh.
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    (Original post by Ilora-Danon)
    That's the thing though, no one should EVER need an excuse to walk away from a relationship.

    This relationship is sounding more and more abusive in a passive way, to me. Seriously, get out while it's still fresh in your mind. Only you have the power to change your circumstances. I hope with all my heart you do muster the courage to follow your head, not your heart. Leave this guy, he's not good for you. :hugs:
    If I'm taking that line out of context let me know, but thats such rubbish, relationships are often hard work and you need to work at them and both put effort in

    Just walking away for no reason is nonsense, you should talk it over first and try and fix things before just leaving it completely, this comment strikes me as naive
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    If you have bed memory then yes.
    If you have good memory then No.
 
 
 
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