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Does my mother have issues

17

I'm contemplating on asking my mother to go and see a councellor about her 'issues', but I don't know how she'll take it :/ :rolleyes:

She may get offended, but ALL she ever seems to talk (or whinge) about is my dad (despite me not even living at home :eek:

I dunno, but she still manages it :p:

), and how he left her etc etc and it was like, 3 years ago?? :frown:

Anyway it seems I can't have a decent conversation with her whatsoever, and if I don't agree with her, she gets really angry and says how I'm like him in all the ways that she hates, and that one day I'll be sorry :confused:

Although my dad used to complain a bit, seriously this year he's completely stopped, and is OK now :smile:

I wish my mother would do the same :cool:

But she won't. I am very tempted to ask her to see a councellor, b/c it's getting to the stage where I can't even talk to her: e.g. she'll, out of the blue, start talking about my dad and I'll say something like 'ooh, that tree looks nice, perhaps it should be pruned a bit, but for the most part it looks great! :p:

' but it doesn't work :frown:

She'll still find a way to have a bitch :/ And if not about him, then about me :mad:

Suggestions? I wanna get her to see a councellor, but perhaps it's not necessary if this is 'normal' (thought I doubt it is, esp after a period as long as three years :rolleyes:

).

DB_x

Reply 1

JoeCool_Lemming

I'm not sure...maybe get someone else to suggest it to her, coz if you do she might start with the whole bitching thing again. It does seem really really out of order though, I think it might be an idea.

Reply 2

danni_bella

OP

17

JoeCool_Lemming

I'm not sure...maybe get someone else to suggest it to her, coz if you do she might start with the whole bitching thing again. It does seem really really out of order though, I think it might be an idea.

Yeah I could ask my sister too :p:

But then she'll just say it's my idea :rolleyes:

That's a good idea though, but I know she won't hear it from us :frown:

Too stubborn :rolleyes:

Reply 3

danni_bella

OP

17

By the way if you voted no, could you please explain why, thx :smile:

Reply 4

I.G.S.

1

You could talk to her about the things that you think she should be getting over, with the idea of leading the conversation on to seeking outside help.

You could try discussing the idea of councelloring in general, if she responds well, then at a later date suggest she sees a councellor, this depends on how close you are to your mum of course.

So yes in princple, just test the water first.

Hope helps

Ian

Reply 5

Gem

14

I think if you get someone to suggest it with you, such as your sister, then great, if you can get someone else to suggest it without you even better :biggrin:

It sounds to me like your Mam does have some issue, you say your Dad walked out 3 years ago. It might be possible that she's still hurting, especially if they were together for such a long time or it was her first love (dunno if they apply) but if she can talk it through with someone impartial, such as a counsellor, then this might help her see things form other points of view.

Maybe if nobody will come with you to suggest your Mam seeks help, you could sit her down and explain that you love both your parents very much and you will be there for you Mam 100%, but let her know it upsets you when she bitches about your Dad, and that comparing you to him, just makes you feel awful. I can understand this might start an arguement, and may cause you both to say things you don't mean in the heat of the moment, so maybe you could write her a letter exlaining it. It might be that she doesn't realise how much this is hurting you, and if she did, it would make her bite her tongue more. Also if you write a letter it gives her a chance to re-read things so that she can think more about how you're feeling.

I hope things get better soon hunny, and I hope you know if you need to pm me or anything I'm here for you :hugs:

Reply 6

tate

1

my mum always moans about my dad and always gets angry becuase i'm like him. i just say 'whatever' and walk away.

Reply 7

Saffie

11

Hmm, I don't know if a councellors the answer :confused:

. Personally, something really *big* would have to happen to make me ever go, and I can see your mum seriously not wanting to go. If I were her I wouldn't want to go.

I think you just need to let your mum know just how much she goes on about your dad (she probably doesn't realise how much she does) and suggest she try forget about him, not mention him and distract herself. In such a passing conversation, maybe as a throw away comment suggest councelling if she really appears to need it (as though you suddenly thought of it).

Just wondering, you study Psychology, so maybe you're more comfortable with councelling? I just seriously doubt your mother could be to the extent you seem to be.

Reply 8

danni_bella

OP

17

Saffie

Just wondering, you study Psychology, so maybe you're more comfortable with councelling? I just seriously doubt your mother could be to the extent you seem to be.

Lol yeah, last semester and I have for the past two years, but I don't have to any more, yey! :p:

My last semester, so can take up whatever science units I want apart from Biol, and I chose geog this time :biggrin:

Anyway I normally wouldn't have suggested councelling, but it's been going on now for over three years and I think this is the limit. It's come to the stage where people she knows are actually sick to death of hearing her complain - trust me, she's known around town for her whingingness (soo embarrasing :redface:

).

I don't get why she always whinges, but if I can get her to realise what she's doing, maybe that will calm things down a bit - so I couldn't agree more with your suggestion of talking to her about her discussion situation :eek:

Reply 9

danni_bella

OP

17

tate

my mum always moans about my dad and always gets angry becuase i'm like him. i just say 'whatever' and walk away.

Lol you're cool tate :cool:

That's actually what my sister does, she's great like that I have to hand it to her. She has her own life and didn't let the parents divorce affect her much!

Reply 10

danni_bella

OP

17

I.G.S.

You could talk to her about the things that you think she should be getting over, with the idea of leading the conversation on to seeking outside help.

You could try discussing the idea of councelloring in general, if she responds well, then at a later date suggest she sees a councellor, this depends on how close you are to your mum of course.

So yes in princple, just test the water first.

Hope helps

Ian

This mother abandoned me in a house when I was four (she was going through a nervous breakdown of some sort, I personally don't think she wasn't prepared for motherhood) for a full TWO days.

It was grandparents who found me, starved and barely alive.

We haven't really been close since :smile:

Thanks for your advice tho, lol.

Reply 11

RetiredAccount89

18

danni_bella83

This mother abandoned me in a house when I was four (she was going through a nervous breakdown of some sort, I personally don't think she wasn't prepared for motherhood) for a full TWO days.

It was grandparents who found me, starved and barely alive.

We haven't really been close since :smile:

Thanks for your advice tho, lol.

blooming heck, talk about your bad childhood trauma!

Reply 12

danni_bella

OP

17

Jamie

blooming heck, talk about your bad childhood trauma!

Tell me about it :biggrin:

She then proceeded to go out with her friends. She was young tho, but still :rolleyes:

My dad's the same age, if a little younger and he didn't act so immaturely. Anyway that happened ages ago lol, but the point I was trying to bring home was that I'm not exactly close to her as you can imagine! :eek:

I actually get along much better with my dad, he's cool, which is why, before I moved interstate for uni, I lived with him after my parents split :p:

Reply 13

hampshire

Looks like she should be sectioned.

Reply 14

danni_bella

OP

17

hampshire

Looks like she should be sectioned.

And... by that you mean... ? *doesn't know what you're talking about* :confused:

Reply 15

danni_bella

OP

17

Alright, don't worry about it guys - I'm gonna talk to my friends about this instead (or go to my uni forums or something) as I'm thinking it's prolly a little inappropriate to be posting something so personal in here :eek:

Sorry about this, and thanks for those who've helped! :smile:

This thread can be CLOSED now :cool:

I've decided it's prolly not a good idea to directly ask her to see a councellor, but my sister and I will address the issue if she has any more flareups :smile:

Thanks and bye for now,

DB_xox

Does my mother have issues

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