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Scared of People watch

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    anon or delete please.

    im scared of being around lots of people, particularly if its a large open space..but only when im alone. for instance, walking through birmingham university campus..its absolutely huge and the thought of having to walk through it by myself frightens me. if im with a friend then it doesn't bother me in the slightest. also things like going shopping, especially in the bull ring..i cant do it by myself, its quite big and open. im afraid to go by myself, but i could quite easily go to a supermarket..

    i also have huge difficulty interacting with people. in my current uni seminars, i havent actually spoken to anybody and we are now several months into the course. well, ive spoken to 1 girl and i sit next to her, but thats it. i dont really make conversation with her, i dont know why she still sits with me because she's really popular and gets along with every single person in that room.

    i feel like, when i start talking to people, or when i do make an effort, it still makes them feel awkward and they dont show any interest in what im saying. they end up just turning away..even though i make eye contact, smile, be friendly etc..

    when i go to supermarkets, ill try and be nice to the people behind the checkout but theyr never nice to me back. whereas if i go with my friend, theyre always really nice to her, in fact, they begin the conversation with her rather then her making the effort.

    do some people just have a friendlier disposition, and look more approachable?

    also..if i do get to know someone new, i never know when to say hello if i ever bump into them..because i usually get ignored or they werent looking at the right time, and then i feel too embarrassed. and then they probably label me as stuck up and feel just as awkward every time they see me and dont knwo how to approach me..

    argh. this is ruining my life. can anyone give me some advice? :confused:

    sorry about the long rambling post, i just started typing and couldnt stop :o:
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    ignored in real life. ignored on the internet.

    i must be doing something seriously wrong.
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    Hey, I'm at Birmingham too. I guess I know how you feel, I'm a little like you myself. I'm ok at going places on my own but I find it real hard meeting new people and finding things interesting to say etc. If you want to make new friend, feel free to send me a message!
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    (Original post by OTID)
    Hey, I'm at Birmingham too. I guess I know how you feel, I'm a little like you myself. I'm ok at going places on my own but I find it real hard meeting new people and finding things interesting to say etc. If you want to make new friend, feel free to send me a message!
    ah thanks

    i guess a lot of people feel like this to a certain extent, but i make effort to be friendly etc yet i still get ignored? oh well, i suppose im just going to have to keep putting myself in awkward situations til they stop feeling awkward..
    thanks for replying
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    You might have aspergers, which is a mild-ish form of autism. Do you find it difficult to talk to people generally (who aren't already your friends), like you don't know what the correct sort of thing to say is?

    If you'd like to talk more about it in private them just pm me.
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    Play the sims and try living vicariously
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    (Original post by hankkosovo)
    You might have aspergers, which is a mild-ish form of autism. Do you find it difficult to talk to people generally (who aren't already your friends), like you don't know what the correct sort of thing to say is?

    If you'd like to talk more about it in private them just pm me.
    i just read up on aspergers and it doesnt really seem like what i have. apparently people with aspergers have "restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests"..thats not something that i have a problems with, i dont think..:dontknow:

    (Original post by Awesomesauce)
    Or maybe its social anxiety, or shyness. Just another possibility.
    i think it used to be shyness at one point but it has developed into social anxiety..what can i do about it? can i go to a psychiatrist for this, or is it not serious enough? i feel like it affects my whole life..

    (Original post by Pheylan)
    are you me?
    no, but if you have the same problem how do you deal with it?
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    (Original post by Awesomesauce)
    Yep, had the same problems.

    Honestly, how i dealt with it was, as low as this may seem; migrating to the lowest form of the social ladder (others might know them as the 'loners'); then i slowly moved back up to a slightly higher stage (though I made no difference). Though this may not be possible in your case.

    Also, was there something that triggered your shyness to begin with? For example; gaming addiction, as it restricts social contact and really messes up your social life. Or maybe even bullying experiences?

    Know how you feel, still have the same problem, though not as severe.
    i was severely bullied in primary school, and a bunch of other stuff has happened aswell which has been difficult to deal with but it never occurred to me this could be the reason for my shyness. i developed an eating disorder several years ago but thats gradually coming under control now..argh, i think i need to see someone. but i cant really afford it.

    its difficult to become friends with anyone let alone loners who are going to already be shy and even more difficult to talk to than really sociable people..plus i dont really know how to identify loners at uni..everyone seems to have friends..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i was severely bullied in primary school, and a bunch of other stuff has happened aswell which has been difficult to deal with but it never occurred to me this could be the reason for my shyness. i developed an eating disorder several years ago but thats gradually coming under control now..argh, i think i need to see someone. but i cant really afford it.

    its difficult to become friends with anyone let alone loners who are going to already be shy and even more difficult to talk to than really sociable people..plus i dont really know how to identify loners at uni..everyone seems to have friends..

    Firstly, it doesnt have to cost anything to see someone who you can talk to, your uni should definately be able to help you as they have student support and counsellors who they can refer you to.

    Secondly, i disagree that everyone may seem to have friends and be all happy go lucky and stuff, because for most students, they cope with shyness or awkwardness by putting on a fair bit of bravado.

    Making friends, good friends, the kinds you `think` you are seeing all around you, are hard to come by. But what you are actually witnessing in most cases are really good aquaintances who are in the process of being friends., and that takes time.

    Now, back in primary school, someone would go up to someone else and not just say, will you be my friend, but rather, will you be my BEST friend. It was all so simple then, but it was just the same really, because we all know how long most of those best friendships lasted.

    Its just that as we become adults, we are not so brash as when we are kids, and we become more reserved.

    Ive said this before, in another post, but its all too easy to look at other people and imagine theyre having the time of their lives, but almost everyone at any given time has worries and anxieties and problems, and like i say, blank them out with a fair dose of bravado in order to get by and feel sociable.

    I can see you really try to connect with people, and to be fair i also thought you may have aspergers, and having aspergers doesnt mean you have to have all the traits that you read about, so you could still have it.
    But going back to you trying to connect with people, just be laid back, dont focus on it too much, because you will give off the vibe that youre trying too hard and people always get suspicious when that happens.

    Just be casual, try and think of something ridiculous to say, which might make them laugh, just something silly maybe.

    Dont be lonely, join a group or society in something youre interested in, or try and make friends from online groups for your uni, because that way you can test the water with them before you meet up with them and it will give you more confidence.

    good luck
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    Your GP will be a good starting point, but if you do have a medical/health problem he can refer you to a psychiatrist - might be a long waiting list, but free as NHS?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    anon or delete please.

    im scared of being around lots of people, particularly if its a large open space..but only when im alone. for instance, walking through birmingham university campus..its absolutely huge and the thought of having to walk through it by myself frightens me. if im with a friend then it doesn't bother me in the slightest. also things like going shopping, especially in the bull ring..i cant do it by myself, its quite big and open. im afraid to go by myself, but i could quite easily go to a supermarket..

    i also have huge difficulty interacting with people. in my current uni seminars, i havent actually spoken to anybody and we are now several months into the course. well, ive spoken to 1 girl and i sit next to her, but thats it. i dont really make conversation with her, i dont know why she still sits with me because she's really popular and gets along with every single person in that room.

    i feel like, when i start talking to people, or when i do make an effort, it still makes them feel awkward and they dont show any interest in what im saying. they end up just turning away..even though i make eye contact, smile, be friendly etc..

    when i go to supermarkets, ill try and be nice to the people behind the checkout but theyr never nice to me back. whereas if i go with my friend, theyre always really nice to her, in fact, they begin the conversation with her rather then her making the effort.

    do some people just have a friendlier disposition, and look more approachable?

    also..if i do get to know someone new, i never know when to say hello if i ever bump into them..because i usually get ignored or they werent looking at the right time, and then i feel too embarrassed. and then they probably label me as stuck up and feel just as awkward every time they see me and dont knwo how to approach me..

    argh. this is ruining my life. can anyone give me some advice? :confused:

    sorry about the long rambling post, i just started typing and couldnt stop :o:
    Are you emo?
    And, why would you expect the supermarket checkout staff to be extremely nice, all they want to do is 'beep' your food, make you pay, and then move onto the next person!
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    (Original post by sakina101)
    Are you emo?
    And, why would you expect the supermarket checkout staff to be extremely nice, all they want to do is 'beep' your food, make you pay, and then move onto the next person!

    why is somebody `emo` just because they find it difficult to meet people?
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    (Original post by Boho Patch)
    why is somebody `emo` just because they find it difficult to meet people?
    That's not what I said..
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    (Original post by sakina101)
    That's not what I said..

    well what exactly were you saying? it seemed a rather insensitive thing to say
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    (Original post by Boho Patch)
    well what exactly were you saying? it seemed a rather insensitive thing to say
    I was asking if the OP is emo, it was a question
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    Youre the one who said it was not what you `said` I am well able to determine that it was a question, and it sounded a very derogatory question. You also seem to have a problem with OP `expecting` check out staff to be nice.

    What is wrong with someone trying out their social skills on people they come across in any situation? They are trying to overcome a social shyness, and i`m sure they dont need any injections of negativity.
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    (Original post by Boho Patch)
    Youre the one who said it was not what you `said` I am well able to determine that it was a question, and it sounded a very derogatory question. You also seem to have a problem with OP `expecting` check out staff to be nice.

    What is wrong with someone trying out their social skills on people they come across in any situation? They are trying to overcome a social shyness, and i`m sure they dont need any injections of negativity.
    Uhh quote me in next time, thanks!
    Well I'm sorry you found emo to be a derogatory term. I didn't realise it was an insult.
    Well of course there's nothing wrong with improving your social skills, but my point was that checkout staff are very unlikely to want to socialise.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i sit next to her, but thats it. i dont really make conversation with her, i dont know why she still sits with me
    lol.

    OP, I know what it's like but my guess is you have low self-esteem poor confidence and therefore feel paranoia and anxiety in social situations?

    My advice is to take time out just to sit back, think about what you dislike about your current situation then write down how you will change these. The only way to feel comfortable is to actively change how you act at every opportunity you can to build your confidence in social situations. The only way is to bite the bullet and go for it.

    Good luck!
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    (Original post by sakina101)
    Uhh quote me in next time, thanks!
    Well I'm sorry you found emo to be a derogatory term. I didn't realise it was an insult.
    Well of course there's nothing wrong with improving your social skills, but my point was that checkout staff are very unlikely to want to socialise.

    I didnt realise until now that i hadnt quoted you in..Sorry.

    And well i guess its just become a derogatory term more so now, and i was just concerned because OP seems to be having a bit of a tough time right now.

    I know what you mean about checkout staff, but in a way i suppose i felt that if OP found it useful to try out their skills on someone random they probably wont see again that it couldnt hurt.
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    (Original post by Boho Patch)
    I didnt realise until now that i hadnt quoted you in..Sorry.

    And well i guess its just become a derogatory term more so now, and i was just concerned because OP seems to be having a bit of a tough time right now.

    I know what you mean about checkout staff, but in a way i suppose i felt that if OP found it useful to try out their skills on someone random they probably wont see again that it couldnt hurt.
    That's ok! I didn't mean to 'rub you the wrong way' :cute:
    I guess you would see a checkout girl/guy again, unless you stop shopping there!

    OP: my advice is 'fake it, till you make it!' and also.. just try and accept yourself for who you are, being comfortable in yourself (maybe thats easier said than done!) is the best way forward!
 
 
 
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