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Scared of People watch

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    lol okayyyy, about the whole checkout staff thing. its not like im asking them where they live? its just stuff like, hi, thank you, have a nice day..but theyr never friendly. thats what i was getting at. ok i feel stupid now, its not just people at checkouts lol i just used that as an example.

    and i think the paranoia and low self esteem thing is really accurate.

    i do have very good close friends, but just not at my uni. im absolutely normal with people i know, im just struggling at meeting new people.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    lol okayyyy, about the whole checkout staff thing. its not like im asking them where they live? its just stuff like, hi, thank you, have a nice day..but theyr never friendly. thats what i was getting at. ok i feel stupid now, its not just people at checkouts lol i just used that as an example.

    and i think the paranoia and low self esteem thing is really accurate.

    i do have very good close friends, but just not at my uni. im absolutely normal with people i know, im just struggling at meeting new people.

    its good to know you have people you are close to. I like Sakina`s motto of `fake it till you make it` that sounds like a plan, and remember not everyone is hunky dory, and in a way you are putting yourself under a huge microscope and comparing yourself to everyone else, which isnt fair to you.

    My motto whenever i feel shy or nervous about a situation is saying to myself very firmly `Do it like you mean it`

    and you wouldnt believe how many times that has helped me through crippling shyness. From getting up on karaoke when my friend put my name down and i really did NOT want to do it, but ended up having a really great time, to striding over to a world famous music producer and being very cheeky!

    have fun faking it lol
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    (Original post by sakina101)
    That's ok! I didn't mean to 'rub you the wrong way' :cute:
    I guess you would see a checkout girl/guy again, unless you stop shopping there!

    OP: my advice is 'fake it, till you make it!' and also.. just try and accept yourself for who you are, being comfortable in yourself (maybe thats easier said than done!) is the best way forward!

    haha well i`m sorry for being a bit too precious anyway.

    aah you made me think about potentially hot checkout guys now, hmm, that would definately make me want to go back to shop there!!

    i`m loving your fake it idea, thats really spot on!

    Peace and hugs x
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    (Original post by sakina101)
    OP: my advice is 'fake it, till you make it!' and also.. just try and accept yourself for who you are, being comfortable in yourself (maybe thats easier said than done!) is the best way forward!
    thank you ill pretend to be confident, and hopefully in time i wont need to pretend anymore!

    (Original post by Boho Patch)
    in a way you are putting yourself under a huge microscope and comparing yourself to everyone else, which isnt fair to you.

    My motto whenever i feel shy or nervous about a situation is saying to myself very firmly `Do it like you mean it`

    and you wouldnt believe how many times that has helped me through crippling shyness. From getting up on karaoke when my friend put my name down and i really did NOT want to do it, but ended up having a really great time, to striding over to a world famous music producer and being very cheeky!

    have fun faking it lol
    yeah i suppose im the one putting more pressure on myself to be a certain way..lol i dont know about karaoke but ill give "faking it" a go!

    thanks for all the advice people
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    thank you ill pretend to be confident, and hopefully in time i wont need to pretend anymore!


    yeah i suppose im the one putting more pressure on myself to be a certain way..lol i dont know about karaoke but ill give "faking it" a go!

    thanks for all the advice people

    You`ll do just great.. Trust x
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    Hello, sounds like social anxiety and/or agoraphobia. Some things I would explore further in addition to things other people have said:

    1) I recommend The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook (Edmund J. Bourne) as it's comprehensive. Simple things like breathing exercises when you feel nervous and how to be more assertive to pros and cons of medicine/alternative herbal remedies. You can easily skip parts that aren't relevant to you too. this book has got 23 reviews on amazon, all 5 stars.

    There are lots of things you can do, try them all and see which ones works for YOU. That's why this book is at least a good starting point but if doesn't help, read reviews on amazon to find other books on anxiety/panic attacks. Borrow them from your local/uni library first if you want to check them out before buying.

    but you must give each technique some time, Not all will work immediately and there will be ups and downs. Its about retraining yourself.

    2) CBT is one of the main things used for anxiety which basically helps you to replace negative thoughts with more realistic thoughts.
    EG1: instead of saying 'people will laugh if I go shopping alone', you may change this to say 'people won't laugh as they have no reason to, they will be shopping. Even if I do see people laughing, it most likely will not be towards me'. this in turn will change how you feel and in turn how you react. I haven't described it properly, not too sure if I have got the gist right but google it, there's lots of info, and the book above has a chapter dedicated to it.
    Eg2: I smiled at her but she ignored me, she must have found me boring. I am therefore not interesting and worthless. Change this to 'maybe she didnt see me. Or I only spoke to her for 5 mins, she might not remember me. Or she may also be nervous about talking to me, I should try again later or strike up a conversation if I see her again (you see how changing your way of thinking influences your actions and you are putting less pressure on yourself).

    3) like said above, no one is 100% confident, but this is hard to see. It can be very lonely if this doesn't actually 'click' and you have no one to compare yourself to. Remember this and don't be hard on yourself.

    4) If I am feeling nervous I always try to remember the objective at hand rather than how difficult the journey to get there will be.
    For example....
    -If I am going to give a presentation to a group, the only thing that I should be concerned about is sharing that info which is the whole purpose of the presentation. NOT whether my voice will shake, not how I look, not whether it is correct info, not whether anyone will laugh at me. etc.
    -if I am going shopping, I will only think about that shirt I need to buy. NOT whether anyone will stare.

    Ie think off the bigger picture and focus less on you (which will make you nervous as you will see unreasonable flaws) and more on the TASK.

    5) Have a bit of a 'care free' attitude. Don't think and rethink things. I used to think 'oh, how comes she doesnt want to talk to me anymore', 'why is my friend more popular' etc etc. now i think WHO CARES if some random doesnt say hello. I have made an effort a few times and noticed a pattern. clearly they are the problem therefore, and I do not need this person and their bad vibes around me. I may continue making an effort here and there and will always respond if she says hello first but I will not get upset over it. I have a few close friends who I share everything with and feel comfortable with. I dont need anyone else to make me feel popular and loved as I know they appreciate my company. and thats all you need, especially when it counts

    Btw I found my friends in the first few months as we were all equally confused about uni/work so we kinda just helped each other out and stuck together. Use your work in a tutorial as a common factor.
    So....
    -in tutorial, you might ask the person next to you 'how did you find these questions? I found them quite difficult'.
    -after discussing the work, you might ask 'so how are you finding uni life', 'what are your favourite modules', what do you think of the lecturer', 'what do you do in the 4 hour gap on wed' (or maybe it was just my uni with a retarded timetable), 'where do you hang out after uni/do you know any good restaurants) etc
    -After the lecture/tutorial you might ask 'what are you going to do now'. if they are going home, and you are too, ask what way they are going, and you can walk together to the station. And you've prob made a friend.

    6) the above are self help tips but you can get CBT through the NHS. But defo give it a go yourself at least/in the mean time.

    It's difficult for someone who is more than just shy to put on a bravado. but these are just some of tips to help you on your way to 'faking it' lol :thumbsup: discard all this pressure you place on yourself, be happy, be yourself, love you for you and smile

    and feel free to pm

    ps just checked out Amazon, 'Self Help for Your Nerves: Learn to Relax and Enjoy Life Again by Overcoming Stress and Fear' by Claire Weekes has got 58 five star reviews out of 66. Never read it but it must be doing something right.

    hope this helps! sorry for the long post! But thought might as well ramble whilst I am at it for those that are interested!
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    (Original post by Boho Patch)
    haha well i`m sorry for being a bit too precious anyway.

    aah you made me think about potentially hot checkout guys now, hmm, that would definitely make me want to go back to shop there!!

    i`m loving your fake it idea, thats really spot on!

    Peace and hugs x
    ahaha you have got me thinking about potentially hot checkout guys too!:love: mmmmm!!

    thanks! if you fake something long enough it just becomes part of your character!

    Peace and hugs:cute: x
 
 
 
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