Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Tomorrow the future of my relationship will be decided...any advice? Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    So, in the last 3 weeks my boyfriend has become increasingly distant with me. He does not suggest we meet up, hardly texts, etc. He's not affectionate when we're together and acts really coldly. I've spoken to him about it, and nothing's changed. I even asked him if he wanted to be with me still, to which he said yes.

    He never used to be like this, so I don't know what's happened. The fact he may have cheated has occurred to me, and I will ask him about it tomorrow. He's not the type to cheat though. I'm thinking of explaining how I feel, and then suggesting a break while he thinks about if he really wants to be in a relationship with me. Providing he hasn't cheated and still wants to go out with me, I was thinking of maybe laying down some compromises regarding contact, etc. Should I do this, or suggest the break?
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Don't ask him if he's cheated ffs
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Honey moon period is over.
    Happens all the time.
    Basically just breakup.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Why shouldnt I ask him if he's cheated?

    Okay, maybe the honeymoon period is over (after 3 months?), but does that mean the bf stops texting/wanting to meet up?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    *Chants* "Dump dump dump dump dump dump dump"
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    There is no way to ask him if he has cheated without making it sound like an accusation. Only ask if you're pretty positive he has.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    OP, I really don't mean to be cruel, but it does sound like he's just not that into you anymore. I'm not saying that's definitely true, but make sure you're prepared for it, okay?

    Don't ask him straight out if he's cheated - why accuse the man of something that's pure speculation? Give him the opportunity to say it himself. Just say that you're not sure what's changed, and if there's anything you should know - if he's cheated, he should tell you then. I'd suggest a break, just so you two can reassess how you feel about each other. he may have started taking you for granted, and when he realises he may lose you and you may take the initiative, he may realise how much he'd like to be with you - don't write it off instantly!

    If you accuse him of cheating, he'll think you don't trust him, and that may ruin any chance of you two working out - that's why you shouldn't.

    Hope it goes well OP. :hugs:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Just go up to him, act horny and watch what he does....:rofl:
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by punkyrocker)
    OP, I really don't mean to be cruel, but it does sound like he's just not that into you anymore. I'm not saying that's definitely true, but make sure you're prepared for it, okay?

    Don't ask him straight out if he's cheated - why accuse the man of something that's pure speculation? Give him the opportunity to say it himself. Just say that you're not sure what's changed, and if there's anything you should know - if he's cheated, he should tell you then. I'd suggest a break, just so you two can reassess how you feel about each other. he may have started taking you for granted, and when he realises he may lose you and you may take the initiative, he may realise how much he'd like to be with you - don't write it off instantly!

    If you accuse him of cheating, he'll think you don't trust him, and that may ruin any chance of you two working out - that's why you shouldn't.

    Hope it goes well OP. :hugs:
    Thank you . You're right, especially about the cheating bit. I won't make it sound like I'm accusing him.

    The thing is, he says he's not very good at the whole communicating thing, even though he never had a problem doing it before. I would like him to just text me, especially if I haven't seen him ages. I've suggested it, but he doesnt seem to be doing it. He seems to be fine about not texting/not seeing each other in a while. Do you, or does anyone have any suggestions on how we can compromise on this?
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you . You're right, especially about the cheating bit. I won't make it sound like I'm accusing him.

    The thing is, he says he's not very good at the whole communicating thing, even though he never had a problem doing it before. I would like him to just text me, especially if I haven't seen him ages. I've suggested it, but he doesnt seem to be doing it. He seems to be fine about not texting/not seeing each other in a while. Do you, or does anyone have any suggestions on how we can compromise on this?
    Are you sure that he wasn't making a special effort to be better at communication during the early stages of your relationship, and this is the 'real' him?

    There is no easy compromise really - you have to get used to him texting less, and he has to make at least some effort to text you more. There's no excuse for him to just not text you, no matter how bad he is at communication.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So, in the last 3 weeks my boyfriend has become increasingly distant with me. He does not suggest we meet up, hardly texts, etc. He's not affectionate when we're together and acts really coldly. I've spoken to him about it, and nothing's changed. I even asked him if he wanted to be with me still, to which he said yes.

    He never used to be like this, so I don't know what's happened. The fact he may have cheated has occurred to me, and I will ask him about it tomorrow. He's not the type to cheat though. I'm thinking of explaining how I feel, and then suggesting a break while he thinks about if he really wants to be in a relationship with me. Providing he hasn't cheated and still wants to go out with me, I was thinking of maybe laying down some compromises regarding contact, etc. Should I do this, or suggest the break?
    Don't ask straight out if he's cheated, just say that he has changed recently and ask if there is someone else. That's what I did anyway!
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    How old are you? You realise we've had exams in the past three weeks.. (and COD came out) there are probably far more explanations as to why he's been communicating with you less - I doubt it's that he's cheating on you, and I wouldn't ask if I was you. Just say to him that you feel like you don't talk as much. [/tsr response]
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Why shouldnt I ask him if he's cheated?

    Okay, maybe the honeymoon period is over (after 3 months?), but does that mean the bf stops texting/wanting to meet up?
    because its about 99% certain that he wouldnt admit it even if he had

    sounds like hes just not that into you anymore because even when the honeymoon period ends it doesnt usually go as bad as that
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Exactly the same thing happened to me a couple of years ago, I asked him if he still wanted to be with me and he said yes but then he broke it off a week later. Hopefully it goes better for you though
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by missygeorgia)
    Exactly the same thing happened to me a couple of years ago, I asked him if he still wanted to be with me and he said yes but then he broke it off a week later. Hopefully it goes better for you though
    Yep, same thing happened to me as well. Not that I'm saying it'll happen to the OP, but yes. And he had been cheating on me. It was fantastic.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by missimpossible)
    Yep, same thing happened to me as well. Not that I'm saying it'll happen to the OP, but yes. And he had been cheating on me. It was fantastic.
    Yeah, I forgot to say this guy had cheated on me too. I feel bad for the OP, we're not making it look hopeful.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by missygeorgia)
    Yeah, I forgot to say this guy had cheated on me too. I feel bad for the OP, we're not making it look hopeful.
    To be fair, once my last ex didn't speak to me for a week and we lasted for ten months after that. So all relationships go through rough patches and it doesn't mean you're going to break up specifically because of said rough patch (as it happens, I was the one who ended up wanting out of that relationship but that's another story for another time :p:)
    • #2
    #2

    What about giving his email to another girl (best someone he doesnt know!!) get them to make something up, mayeb get them to add him on say myspace (if he has one, or something like that) and see if he is flirts etc
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Melting Sugar.)
    You realise we've had exams in the past three weeks.. (and COD came out) [/tsr response]
    I laughed.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    [QUOTE=Anonymous] I even asked him if he wanted to be with me still, to which he said yes.

    The fact he may have cheated has occurred to me, and I will ask him about it tomorrow.[QUOTE]

    My BF started going like this once....he said he still wanted to be with me too, but was lying. Alot of guys just dont have the heart to break up with girls, so they act distant and fairly mean until you give 'em the boot. Im not saying this is what he's doing, but its a small possibility.

    I really wouldnt accuse him of cheating, as he could well get very angry and it would just cause a huge argument instead of a mature discussion. if you really want to bring it up ask him why he's bieng so distant, and then maybe ask if theres anyone else that he likes. see how he reacts to that and take it from there.

    good luck =)
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: January 28, 2010
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Would you rather give up salt or pepper?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Write a reply...
    Reply
    Hide
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.