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Feeling Victimised at University watch

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    I don't know why people would assume that because you are at Oxford people are a better standard of human being?. Being intelligent academically doesn't mean people can't be pricks.

    OP, I really feel for you, It must be hard to know what to do because you don't want to draw attention to it and make it seem like you're bothered, but this has gone too far. Can you talk to a tutor at your college, just to get their opinion of what your options are?

    Don't stand for this.
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    (Original post by mingo_poppy)
    Hello everyone,

    I am a third year at Oxford who is going through a very difficult period. In freshers' week I had a one night stand with one of the fresher boys and he has sort of become obsessed with me, and not in a good way. He has talked about me behind my back and spread vicious rumours to the point where people I don't even know have been coming up to me and calling me a slut. If I see him around, I can tell he's saying things because all the people around him start laughing, pointing at me and gesticulating. Facebook is full of nasty comments about me, not just by him but also by other people who have joined in. I have even seen pictures of him on nights out with my full name written on him; it's really bizarre. The latest thing that has happened, which has really upset me, was that he played the part of me (using my actual name), dressed as a woman, at a college comedy show and acted out a scene with another boy (I don't want to know exactly what it was).

    My reaction last term was to ignore him and hope the teasing went away, but it hasn't. If anything, this latest incident shows that it has got worse. I normally have quite a thick skin and don't mind light-hearted teasing, but this has gone way too far. I am so embarrassed and ashamed that I no longer show my face in college and hang out with friends in other colleges. I am wondering whether I should go and talk to this guy, but I have a feeling that that would make it worse. I am also wondering whether I should make a complaint to the college.

    Any advice or reassurance? Please don't be nasty or judgemental because I am feeling extremely low.
    They’ve got to be pretty sad if they’ve got all that time on their hands to concentrate on your life.
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    Reporting him and complaining about it will just add another thing people can tease you about in my opinion. Get him back, very bad!
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    hmmm.. i think the best thing to do now is to honestly complain to someone or even your university or something. there is a limit to how everything.. and he doesn't seem to stop. so yeah you should report him, dont just suffer quietly.. even though you'l be leaving soon you dont want the time you do have left to be terrible so report him and confront him.

    good luck x
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    He sounds like a real tosser, probably just mad that it was just a one night stand. Try talking to him one on one, if that doesn't work, report the m**********r.
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    (Original post by rednaxela)
    Tell everyone his **** was f****** tiny and that he lasted 30 seconds!!!!!!
    Actually the first bit is true; the second bit isn't though, because he didn't last anywhere near as long as 30 seconds I've thought about spreading it, but I don't want to stoop to his level. Thanks for the support and advice so far, people - it's really cheered me up.
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    If you want revenge i have a friend that will do things with a vegetable peeler and vinegar Or tell you how to do it yourself and hear his satisfying screams of pain

    But seriously you need to confront him and report it to the uni
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    Wow was a loser trying to concentrate all of his energy in you for cheap laughs and your misery. Sounds like a real tosser to me.

    You need to complain at a high enough level for it to realistically stop.

    OR what I would do... I would spread rumours like wildfire that his **** was worthless and that he didn't know how to use it. I'd say that he was a 30 second man and that afterwards you were left so disappointed that you decided never to waste your body on him again. I would also call him a ****, and his mates a **** until they leave me alone.

    I'm prone to mindless fighting and being a mouthy lil ***** so proly don't follow this advice.

    Get your own back or complain. Hes a complete tool.

    Oh yeah and to that sad ****** who kept posting **** about one-night stands...they go both ways mate.
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    (Original post by mingo_poppy)
    Hello everyone,

    I am a third year at Oxford who is going through a very difficult period. In freshers' week I had a one night stand with one of the fresher boys and he has sort of become obsessed with me, and not in a good way. He has talked about me behind my back and spread vicious rumours to the point where people I don't even know have been coming up to me and calling me a slut. If I see him around, I can tell he's saying things because all the people around him start laughing, pointing at me and gesticulating. Facebook is full of nasty comments about me, not just by him but also by other people who have joined in. I have even seen pictures of him on nights out with my full name written on him; it's really bizarre. The latest thing that has happened, which has really upset me, was that he played the part of me (using my actual name), dressed as a woman, at a college comedy show and acted out a scene with another boy (I don't want to know exactly what it was).

    My reaction last term was to ignore him and hope the teasing went away, but it hasn't. If anything, this latest incident shows that it has got worse. I normally have quite a thick skin and don't mind light-hearted teasing, but this has gone way too far. I am so embarrassed and ashamed that I no longer show my face in college and hang out with friends in other colleges. I am wondering whether I should go and talk to this guy, but I have a feeling that that would make it worse. I am also wondering whether I should make a complaint to the college.

    Any advice or reassurance? Please don't be nasty or judgemental because I am feeling extremely low.
    Complain to the college about harassment and say it's affecting your studies. Don't be afraid to complain. You won't be there long.
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    (Original post by O-Ren)
    whaaaaat

    I don't understand how this could occur, I thought Oxford people would be too clever for that.
    Unfortunately intelligence doesn't always correlate with maturity and emotional intelligence

    Op, I would firstly talk to your tutor, this is not an obsession, this is bullying. I'd discuss with your tutor what has been going on, and also keep a diary of what has happened, maybe print of facebook things he's done as proof. Discuss with them the options and the policy the college has about bullying and harassment.

    I'd avoid any contact with this boy. It may seem mature to go and talk to him and see what his problem is however I fear it may make the situation worse. If you were to speak to him about it, i'd want to make sure it was in a contolled environent, with an impartial person there and documented. Sounds extreme, but your situation is certainly not one you should have to put up with,
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    (Original post by mingo_poppy)
    I'm afraid that's pretty much it, which is why the whole situation is so baffling. He doesn't have a crush on me as far as I know, though his friends say he is obsessed with me and scared of me and he doesn't have a girlfriend, so maybe. He is really popular (rugby team, drinking society etc.) and I'm not, which I think is the main reason why it's got so bad. Oh, and it happened this past freshers' week which I suppose was about 4 months ago now; he is a fresher and I am a third year.

    maybe he's a bit of a ****, embaressed he had a one night stand with someone he percieves to be less popular than himself, and to make up for it made fun of you..which again is unacceptable!
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    If its as bad as all that I'd make a formal complaint to the appropriate people at your university, and begin documenting evidence. Followed by a formal complaint to the police.

    With some hard evidence he'd be in abso territory
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    Personally i would have asked him what his flipping problem was in front of all his mates but i think you are a bit too introvert for that.
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    O Ren is right. Get him thrown out, or at least try very hard to get him thrown out.

    Honestly. Why do you want to be nice to him? Because you care what all the bystanders will think? Well, all the bystanders are ******* anyway for going along with it. You owe none of them anything. They owe you (some basic respect).
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    (Original post by sandeep90)
    Reporting him and complaining about it will just add another thing people can tease you about in my opinion. Get him back, very bad!
    :ditto:
    I'd suggest you go up to him and ask him wtf is his problem. And don't look frightened, look pissed off :p:
    If you're too shy for this (hopefully not), then get your brother/mate to scare him off.
 
 
 
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