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    Guys... problem.

    I'll provide the background information to this quite shortly, then describe the problem/issue that came up recently. Basically, I have a girlfriend, very attractive, and I happen to also be good looking. Now, I am 20, and she will be 21 in about a fortnight. We've been going out for the best part of 2 years now, and it's perfect.

    Now, we both have this long term mutual friend who is gay (male), and he and me and my girl are the best of friends, and we always go out together, be it whatever the occasion. Now, the other night we were enjoying a few drinks and cocktails at his place, and the topic of birthday plans came up once we were all a little relaxed.

    Anyway, we all realised we hadn't been dancing for about a year now (last years trip to Berlin was the last time for all three of us), since we enjoy bars/restaurants 99% of the time. The plan was to find some clubs (we already know a good few), but to find some new clubs we've never been to before.

    Now, my gay friend just had a realisation that was essentially 'I've never seen a couple in a club together. Like ever.' Thinking about it, I had to agree, since for me and my girl and himself, it's always a case of being single, then dancing and getting smashed and ultimately trying it on with someone.

    If we were to visit a particular club which wasn't gay friendly, I imagine the dancing behaviour of certain patrons would be VERY seedy, and shockingly, my girl had NO qualms about dancing sexually (yes grinding) in with guys who aren't me. I was honestly horrified to hear this, as everyone knows for a fact grinding is;

    a) sexually motivated/suggestive
    b) highly touchy (genitals to ass, for a start)
    c) not cricket

    I can play a lot of this down to naivety, as I know she's never done it before (we've always been to raves and electronic themed spots), but I couldn't help but verbally stating my position on this. I should also add that our friend agreed with her. That it was completely neutral (wtf?), and it started a slightly ruffled argument that lasted until I just went quiet...

    I should mention this guy has never had a partner longer than a one night stand, and has no concept of anything meaningful relationship-wise.

    Am I being a damper here? Or is grinding something completely out of the question when you're in a long term relationship? I mean to reiterate; it's simply genitals touching one another, in a blatantly sexual context.

    Please, no singletons, as your opinion will be likely worthless.

    EDIT: I should add I am somewhat looking down on her birthday night now, because I know I wouldn't be able to dance with another woman, especially if that pretense is lurking in the air.
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    You aren't in the wrong.
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    that is completely out of order. if my boyfriend was grinding on another girl, i'd be pissed!! and vice versa..

    does she know exactly what it is?
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    Totally out of the question mate, it is sexually suggestive, you will get posts saying well she with you bla bla, but no guy would like that! She's your girlfriend surely if makes you unhappy she wouldnt do it and if she does I'd walk away from her
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    (Original post by Farmboy_Pip)
    that is completely out of order. if my boyfriend was grinding on another girl, i'd be pissed!! and vice versa..

    does she know exactly what it is?
    Exactly what I was feeling.

    As I said though, she's never done it, and I think her uneducated opinion on it suggests she thinks it's just dancing. Obviously you'd have to be naive to think this, and that's likely what most of it is.

    Still, I'll bring it up again and see if sobriety changes things.

    EDIT: Forgot to mention this in the OP, but the fact that she has a very striking look is what worries me even more. I mean, good looking women are the bullseye in clubs.

    ...
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    (Original post by getrudeus)
    Exactly what I was feeling.

    As I said though, she's never done it, and I think her uneducated opinion on it suggests she thinks it's just dancing. Obviously you'd have to be naive to think this, and that's likely what most of it is.

    Still, I'll bring it up again and see if sobriety changes things.

    EDIT: Forgot to mention this in the OP, but the fact that she has a very striking look is what worries me even more. I mean, good looking women are the bullseye in clubs.

    ...
    maybe you're just going to have to demonstrate on her :p:
    and yeah, considering you mention how attractive she is, she's going to be attracting a lot of attention which is not good!
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    my husband is good looking and often gets chatted up etc and that doesn't bother me at all. Flirting is quite a natural thing for most people but 'grinding' is something else entirely! if my husband were to rub his genitals on other women in any kind of context, i would go 10 kinds of mental!

    I would definately bring this up with her and just see what she thinks it is as thats probably the only way for you to get it sorted before her birthday. chances are, if she were really likely to do something like that you would have had some other inkling in the last 2 years. probably nothing for you to worry about but have a chat with her before you drive yourself mad
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    you arnt in the wrong, i have too much respect for my bf to go grinding on some other guy and if some skank started grinding on my bf she would be a ******* gonner
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    I'm definitely going to mention it, as the general view is quite overwhelming that it's that bad. Just... bad, and wrong.

    @under8ted: Flirting is something everyone will engage in, when given the opportunity, and most importantly: the attention. We're both guilty of this in casual situations, since everyone enjoys the bit of harmless attention they never saw coming.
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    Yeah you aren't in the wrong - grinding with someone other than your bf is whore-ish. If a gf of mine was to do that, I'd kick them to the curb as they could easily get wasted and go further than grinding with a stranger. Sounds like a hoe. dump her.
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    How come you lot can never find a blatant troll?
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    You aren't in the wrong. However, why was the background info necessary? :p:
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    (Original post by getrudeus)
    I'm definitely going to mention it, as the general view is quite overwhelming that it's that bad. Just... bad, and wrong.

    @under8ted: Flirting is something everyone will engage in, when given the opportunity, and most importantly: the attention. We're both guilty of this in casual situations, since everyone enjoys the bit of harmless attention they never saw coming.

    thats not true at all
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    (Original post by Bubbles*de*Milo)
    How come you lot can never find a blatant troll?
    Helps us Bubbles! Help us identify the troll! :woo:
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    I would NEVER grind with someone other than my boyfriend, and I would never expect him to either. I think it's totally out of order.

    I also think it's pretty disgusting as a practice, but that's another issue. Can't she just grind with you if she feels the need?

    Finally, why would you go somewhere that wasn't gay-friendly if her best friend is gay?
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    (Original post by getrudeus)
    Please, no singletons, as your opinion will be likely worthless.
    That's quite rude. You don't have to be in a relationship to know the standards and moral obligations of a relationship.
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    (Original post by falls_whisper)
    That's quite rude. You don't have to be in a relationship to know the standards and moral obligations of a relationship.
    Forgive me, the people who are very morally conscious. Though from last night, I was soured by the apparent view of others in bachelorhood.
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    (Original post by EskimoJo)
    You aren't in the wrong. However, why was the background info necessary? :p:
    In retrospect, it isn't. Though like in real conversation, it helps to identify how things started, and what the situation was like beforehand. I didn't want to be hearing things like 'so how long have you gone out for, just get rid of her' etc...
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    (Original post by getrudeus)
    I'm definitely going to mention it, as the general view is quite overwhelming that it's that bad. Just... bad, and wrong.

    @under8ted: Flirting is something everyone will engage in, when given the opportunity, and most importantly: the attention. We're both guilty of this in casual situations, since everyone enjoys the bit of harmless attention they never saw coming.
    hell yeah! god knows i dont miss a chance of an ego boost and I'd be suspicious if he wasnt flattered by attention from others. I was just pointing out that I am not a prudish married old fart really and that grinding is totally different to harmless banter lol. I'm sure you'll both be laughing about this once you've got it off your chest. good luck!
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    (Original post by getrudeus)
    In retrospect, it isn't. Though like in real conversation, it helps to identify how things started, and what the situation was like beforehand. I didn't want to be hearing things like 'so how long have you gone out for, just get rid of her' etc...
    (Original post by Jelkin)
    Finally, why would you go somewhere that wasn't gay-friendly if her best friend is gay?
    I should've explained more. We go to gay pubs/bars all the time for a drink or quick chat, and it's getting a bit dry now. When I said 'not gay friendly' I simply meant a bar outside of that area of town, which doesn't make it obvious it caters to the gay community.

    Do gay-hostile places even exist? (aside from sweaty local pubs)
 
 
 
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