Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    sorry for the loss...i think you should tell the truth about him being dead..in a relationship telling a lie could be costly...good luck
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    if I get a chance to chat to her again outside of work then I’ll tell her that I lied and I shouldn’t have. Or shouldn’t I tell her this?
    lol It's a bit weird chasing a girl just to tell her you told a small white lie in one conversation with her and your dad is actually dead. I doubt she'd even care that you lied about this so it's not worth chasing her up on it. But if it does come up again in another conversation just tell her the truth, he is dead. Plus it may give you score points if you play on it.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    I'd just say to her that sometimes you forget (you know what I mean - not meant to be offensive) and slip back into the old answer you used to give. Apologise for lying/misleading her and maybe making her feel awkward, and say you felt you should tell her the truth. She won't mind, I wouldn't in her position

    :hugs:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    My Dad died 8 years ago next month and I did exactly the same as you until last year, it's really frustrating.
    • #5
    #5

    Not sure what to do for your problem but i never know what to do here The few times when situations similar to this have come up and iv'e said he's dead they've just sort of gone all uncomfortable and iv'e felt like an idiot forever for telling them so yeah its easier to lie as it just upsets me. I have no idea what im going to do when i go to uni aswell as obviously noone will know. How do you explain something like that and not alienate people?!?!
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Don't worry about it.
    You have the right to privacy.
    If she finds out you 'lied' and has an issue with it she obviously cannot understand what you went through and thus is not worth your time.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    Perhaps its because subconsiously you know that by admiting he's dead it will become 'real'. Somehow fooling yourself on some level he is still alive. Just a thought.

    I respect you for not using his death as a means to gain sympathy. Everytime I hear someone go on about a lost relative purely for the gained attention and sympathy, I feel sick. I believe you should tell people the truth, but not make a big deal out of it.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Louise_x)
    My dad died too, so to avoid questions I just say 'my mum' rather than refer to parents. That way, people who I'm not close to only know my dad isn't around, not necessarily because of death, and doesn't invite questions I don't want to answer.

    My close friends do know, of course ^^

    As for this girl, just tell her. She'll understand, I mean, it's hard dealing with death, nevermind of a parent.
    Ditto. Unless specifically asked, I just tell them about my mum.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    My dad died in 2001 and although my close friends know I haven't actually talked to any non-family members about it.

    Even in uni I try to avoid the subject, haven't lied about it though but I'm not sure whether I'd have said my dad had died if it came up.

    It's a tough one, to be honest I don't even think I'm fully over it this long afterwards...I do plan on telling people when it comes up from now on, but I don't want to and I'm not going to be the one to bring up the subject.
    • #6
    #6

    It's the same thing with me and my mum who died when i was 13. Only people i was friends with when she died know like the details. Everyone else just knows that i live with my Dad and dont see my mum.
    I have told a few people but only if they ask directly. As far as i am concerned it's not their buisness, and i dont want their pity.
    It's probably just a protection thing. From my experience people rarely shout it out from the roof tops when something like this happens. Grief is a very private experience.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Tbh it's not really a bad thing that you lie, some people get a bit uncomfortable with death and stuff. Obviously if you're a proper friend with someone I would hope you would tell them the truth, and were it me I'd understand that you don't go blurting out details of your parent's death to anyone.

    Personally for me, I'm the total opposite. When people ask me I freely tell them that my mother died and I don't really know my real father. Some people are taken back by my directness, but I really have no problem talking about it.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    you're still grieving. it is understandable.
    it might be good to talk to someone about it.

    try to tell this girl also. she's clearly somebody you'd like to be friends with, to trust more. maybe she'd be a good start.

    *hugs*
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Is it really that hard to just quietly say 'he passed away' ? I can understand death is harsh to deal with but just say something to that effect and surely they'll understand...
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    What did all you guys dads' die of? Probably just wanna keep it to yourself and people you are close to as it's so personal, there is nothing wrong with that.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    I'm sorry for your loss OP. But I have a different view on this situation, as in what I'd do. My mum passed away just over 4 months ago and I just tell people if they ask. I think it's based on everyone's personality. Most people don't like talking about, especially to complete strangers but I just say it.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Antimatter)
    I have a dead father too, and I always just say 'Well, my mum does X', and then if they ask about my dad, I say 'He killed himself' which generally makes them feel terrible and shut up :awesome:
    That's not a funny thing to do.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by reems23)
    That's not a funny thing to do.
    I didn't say it was funny, nor do I laugh when I do it.
    I'm quite matter of fact.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Antimatter)
    I didn't say it was funny, nor do I laugh when I do it.
    I'm quite matter of fact.
    Your use of the ":awesome:" smilie suggested you thought it was humorous and you received some sort of cynical pleasure by watching others just be polite. Never mind .
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by reems23)
    Your use of the ":awesome:" smilie suggested you thought it was humorous and you received some sort of cynical pleasure by watching others just be polite. Never mind .
    It's more of a 'If I have to think of the pain of my father dying again, I'll probably cry, so I'll deal with it with sarcasm and try to get offtopic asap'
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Antimatter)
    It's more of a 'If I have to think of the pain of my father dying again, I'll probably cry, so I'll deal with it with sarcasm and try to get offtopic asap'
    People are just being nice. Your sarcasm is hideously unnecessary and suggests a persecution complex where the only wrong thing people are doing is displaying manners.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: January 31, 2010
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Has a teacher ever helped you cheat?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Write a reply...
    Reply
    Hide
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.