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    It's not wrong at all.
    if you tell people, especially people who you don't know that well then, it does dampen a conversation down quite quickly. It's quite a heavy thing to bring up, and so no one can blame you.
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    (Original post by reems23)
    People are just being nice. Your sarcasm is hideously unnecessary and suggests a persecution complex where the only wrong thing people are doing is displaying manners.
    Sorry, how does 'What do your parents do?' mean the enquirer is a nice person?
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    (Original post by Antimatter)
    Sorry, how does 'What do your parents do?' mean the enquirer is a nice person?
    Well displaying an interest in the other person illustrates a want to get to know and connect with the person. It's called social skills and as it is highly unlikely that your parent is dead and it is a generally accepted question to ask, the answering with angst suggests you still haven't come to terms with it and you're transferring that to the other person, which is unfair. You should just be 'He's not with us any longer' and they'll be 'oh ok, i'm sorry' and continue with another line of questioning.

    What i'm trying to say is, if you answer like that, you sound like a crazy psycho ***** who has issues.
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    My dad died when I was younger and back then I just used to say that he died, but it was such a mood killer because sometimes people just didn't know how to react and were just like 'oh...' and some would ask about what happened and start talking to me with their head tilted to the side, trying to be sincere. I know they're only trying to help but It felt really patronising.

    Someone recently asked me that and I just replied with 'my dad was a ...' I'm not exactly lying because that was his profession but i'm not saying everything.
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    The only thing I don't like is the overwhelming sympathy, because it often feels so fake. I just say that my parents are dead if asked, and move onto the next part of the conversation before anyone can really get into the stride of 'omg, i'm so sorry, I should never have asked'. I have no issues with telling people, and usually know who will go into sympathy overdrive and who will go 'oh, okay. That's a shame'. A good way of stopping the pity (about my mum dying anyway, not my dad) is 'Oh, it's okay. She was an alcoholic incapable of caring for a child anyway.' Not that most people are in that situation, so....
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    (Original post by reems23)
    Well displaying an interest in the other person illustrates a want to get to know and connect with the person. It's called social skills and as it is highly unlikely that your parent is dead and it is a generally accepted question to ask, the answering with angst suggests you still haven't come to terms with it and you're transferring that to the other person, which is unfair. You should just be 'He's not with us any longer' and they'll be 'oh ok, i'm sorry' and continue with another line of questioning.

    What i'm trying to say is, if you answer like that, you sound like a crazy psycho ***** who has issues.
    Might just be me, but I fail to see how that makes you a 'crazy psycho *****'. You may not agree with the response, and you're entitled to, but everyone has different ways of dealing with things.

    Maybe she wants to be abrupt about it to avoid other questions.. "how did he kill himself? Why did he do it?" Those aren't nice questions but unfortunately they are ones some people ask. Being abrupt is a clear signal you don't want to go into detail or talk about it, which I think is fair enough. She's not being rude to them is she? Just giving them facts concisely.

    The name calling, however, is rude and unnecessary.
    • #7
    #7

    this happened with a friend of mine, she always spoke of her dad as if he was alive and would often tell stories about him (not just randomly....just as i would tell stories about mine as well) and it was only after a year and a half i clicked on that he was dead, like i hadnt even realised, it wasnt as if she spoke about him that implied she didnt see im that much or her parents were separated!
    when i found i was shocked yeh, but wasnt annoyed or anything that must just be how she deals with it!
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    (Original post by Tinkerbelle ♥)
    Might just be me, but I fail to see how that makes you a 'crazy psycho *****'. You may not agree with the response, and you're entitled to, but everyone has different ways of dealing with things.

    Maybe she wants to be abrupt about it to avoid other questions.. "how did he kill himself? Why did he do it?" Those aren't nice questions but unfortunately they are ones some people ask. Being abrupt is a clear signal you don't want to go into detail or talk about it, which I think is fair enough. She's not being rude to them is she? Just giving them facts concisely.

    The name calling, however, is rude and unnecessary.
    I got bored trying to rationalize and decided to be rude instead :idea2:.
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by reems23)
    Well displaying an interest in the other person illustrates a want to get to know and connect with the person. It's called social skills and as it is highly unlikely that your parent is dead and it is a generally accepted question to ask, the answering with angst suggests you still haven't come to terms with it and you're transferring that to the other person, which is unfair. You should just be 'He's not with us any longer' and they'll be 'oh ok, i'm sorry' and continue with another line of questioning.

    What i'm trying to say is, if you answer like that, you sound like a crazy psycho ***** who has issues.
    Possibly but I've been asked what my parents do on my first night at Uni, next to a bar. :lolwut:
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    I am in the same boat. My dad dies just under 2 years ago. It hard when peole say what do your parents do as people just assume
    • #8
    #8

    (Original post by Teao the Cat)
    The only thing I don't like is the overwhelming sympathy, because it often feels so fake. I just say that my parents are dead if asked, and move onto the next part of the conversation before anyone can really get into the stride of 'omg, i'm so sorry, I should never have asked'. I have no issues with telling people, and usually know who will go into sympathy overdrive and who will go 'oh, okay. That's a shame'. A good way of stopping the pity (about my mum dying anyway, not my dad) is 'Oh, it's okay. She was an alcoholic incapable of caring for a child anyway.' Not that most people are in that situation, so....
    My friend's mum died of alcoholism, so you're not the only one (not that it makes it any better). I don't think his dad could cope with the stress and died of a stroke 3 months later (on Christmas day). We talk openly about his parents but that's because I've known him since I was 3.
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    (Original post by reems23)
    Your use of the ":awesome:" smilie suggested you thought it was humorous and you received some sort of cynical pleasure by watching others just be polite. Never mind .
    Oh hush. People deal with grief in different ways. I can't really remember what I did when my Dad died, but at my Grandma's funeral last summer I couldn't stop laughing. I loved her very very much and it was not because I was glad she was gone.
    Just...leave it.
 
 
 
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