I hate this cycle Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 8 years ago
#1
I'm a cynical little **** who goes through the same cycle every time. I'm sure people are aware of this but it's come to a point where it's just too painful to go through, and the opportunities may be good but I can't take the risk any more. It goes like this:

1) I meet someone, it's alright. They seem to do everything right to alieviate my fears in men so I go out with them.

2) Intimacy, tick. Usually physical before emotional.

3) If I'm lucky, we'll do more stuff together.

4) He's not in love any more or never was, despite being the first to say it, couldn't bear to leave me, he does. Worst scenario chosen. Back to cynicism and square one (if again, I am lucky).

Lost my job, confidence, whenever a guy asks me out I'm cold now, have heart problems and find it hard to do things, although I help out with a lot of projects and run my own etc. Problem with money and have moved back home, don't have enough money to leave. I don't know what it's like to feel alive any more.
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Hoody555
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#2
Report 8 years ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm a cynical little **** who goes through the same cycle every time. I'm sure people are aware of this but it's come to a point where it's just too painful to go through, and the opportunities may be good but I can't take the risk any more. It goes like this:

1) I meet someone, it's alright. They seem to do everything right to alieviate my fears in men so I go out with them.

2) Intimacy, tick. Usually physical before emotional.

3) If I'm lucky, we'll do more stuff together.

4) He's not in love any more or never was, despite being the first to say it, couldn't bear to leave me, he does. Worst scenario chosen. Back to cynicism and square one (if again, I am lucky).

Lost my job, confidence, whenever a guy asks me out I'm cold now, have heart problems and find it hard to do things, although I help out with a lot of projects and run my own etc. Problem with money and have moved back home, don't have enough money to leave. I don't know what it's like to feel alive any more.
How did you lose your job? And by heart problems, do you mean caused by stress?
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 8 years ago
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Not enough funding to hold onto my post. And yes, the heart problems were caused by stress. I tended to act irrationally and was angry at everyone/everything - had horrible problems with my temper. I've been suicidal at certain points too
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Jellynubbin
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Report 8 years ago
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Counselling?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cogniti...vioral_therapy


will help you to remove the negative thinking that has got you stuck in this cycle hope you feel better soon. xxx
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Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 8 years ago
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It's strange that I've had CBT before when I had really bad panic attacks. I've been to the samaritans when I was trying to kill myself and I ended up crying a lot knocking on their door. They let me in and gave me tea and biscuits and for that little bit I calmed down and made me think a bit differently. I would never look down on the samaritans now, they're so lovely.

However, it comes and goes and I can't predict the next rift. I will look into that again, I think. I wanted anti-depressants because I want to feel better now, but I guess there's no shortcut. Thank you for the advice
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Anonymous #2
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Report 8 years ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm a cynical little **** who goes through the same cycle every time. I'm sure people are aware of this but it's come to a point where it's just too painful to go through, and the opportunities may be good but I can't take the risk any more. It goes like this:

1) I meet someone, it's alright. They seem to do everything right to alieviate my fears in men so I go out with them.

2) Intimacy, tick. Usually physical before emotional.

3) If I'm lucky, we'll do more stuff together.

4) He's not in love any more or never was, despite being the first to say it, couldn't bear to leave me, he does. Worst scenario chosen. Back to cynicism and square one (if again, I am lucky).

Lost my job, confidence, whenever a guy asks me out I'm cold now, have heart problems and find it hard to do things, although I help out with a lot of projects and run my own etc. Problem with money and have moved back home, don't have enough money to leave. I don't know what it's like to feel alive any more.
I can relate to a lot of what you're saying; to me dating/relationships sort of feel like a cycle; i've only had 2 proper relationships, but have dated a couple of other guys and this seems to be a theme. all of mine left me. now i feel sort of in pain/cold to the idea of dating yet simultaneously feel lonely, and value the people who i am attracted to. its just feels like an every way you lose situation. although i think our viewpoints are quite negative? i do know some people who have had happy relationships, and i get on ok with my ex and still chat which is nice. i think maybe it'd be better to try and work on your depression and anxiety related issues, and that will help the others areas of your life to come together. i have anxiety disorder so i can relate to this too, my ex left me cos he couldn't cope with my problems. I hope that things improve for you, and it is good you're doing volunteer work and running projects, thats really worthwhile.
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