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Is he telling the truth & how should I ask if I can visit again? watch

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    Hey, I recently stayed with a male friend in Tenerife for 5 days. Now, bear with me while I explain the background:

    We first met 6 years ago and have met up once or twice a year since then when I've gone on holidays there;
    We've kept in touch by email/msn/facebook regularly since then;
    We've fancied each other from the beginning but nothing has ever happened coz of him having girlfriend, me boyfriend;
    Now we were both single so he invited me over for a few days;
    I went, completely trusted him, and we had a fab few days. Both of us said we were feeling nervous as we had only met a handful of times but were effectively living together for 5 days. I'm 27 by the way, not that young and daft!!

    Now, I think we had a brilliant time, of course 'stuff' happened. I loved our few days, he SAID he did, but how do I know he's telling the truth? I know he invited me into his home when he only knows me as a tourist (albeit over 6 years); in a different country; would he do that if he didn't like me as a person - even if he wanted more than friends? He's in Tenerife he can get whatever he wants anytime!!

    I'd love to go back in a couple of months, but feel bad about imposing on him again...is it really cheeky to ask/hint at staying with him again so soon? My confidence with guys is rock bottom so I can't believe him when he said he had a good time and that he misses me. I know he wouldn't have asked me in the first place if he didn't want me there.

    Is it cheeky to ask to stay with someone again? And how do I know he's telling the truth? Is he telling the truth because I'm not some one night stand and he invited me into his home? Don't think it matters but he's English (as am I) not Spanish.

    Thanks for your (hopefully nice!!) comments.
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    I think I would wait until he invites you over himself...because then you know he wants you to come over because he likes you?

    Obviously if he never brings it up again you might want to ask about it...
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    (Original post by jmarky)
    Hey, I recently stayed with a male friend in Tenerife for 5 days. Now, bear with me while I explain the background:

    We first met 6 years ago and have met up once or twice a year since then when I've gone on holidays there;
    We've kept in touch by email/msn/facebook regularly since then;
    We've fancied each other from the beginning but nothing has ever happened coz of him having girlfriend, me boyfriend;
    Now we were both single so he invited me over for a few days;
    I went, completely trusted him, and we had a fab few days. Both of us said we were feeling nervous as we had only met a handful of times but were effectively living together for 5 days. I'm 27 by the way, not that young and daft!!

    Now, I think we had a brilliant time, of course 'stuff' happened. I loved our few days, he SAID he did, but how do I know he's telling the truth? I know he invited me into his home when he only knows me as a tourist (albeit over 6 years); in a different country; would he do that if he didn't like me as a person - even if he wanted more than friends? He's in Tenerife he can get whatever he wants anytime!!

    I'd love to go back in a couple of months, but feel bad about imposing on him again...is it really cheeky to ask/hint at staying with him again so soon? My confidence with guys is rock bottom so I can't believe him when he said he had a good time and that he misses me. I know he wouldn't have asked me in the first place if he didn't want me there.

    Is it cheeky to ask to stay with someone again? And how do I know he's telling the truth? Is he telling the truth because I'm not some one night stand and he invited me into his home? Don't think it matters but he's English (as am I) not Spanish.

    Thanks for your (hopefully nice!!) comments.
    I wouldnt ask/hint again right now - if you only see each other once or twice then it might be wise to hold back a bit. I dont see any reason you shouldnt trust him, you have known him for 6 years even if its not in a conventional way. If you want to turn this into more of a relationship then you shouldnt lead with 'wouldnt it be great to see each other soon', you should properly have the talk - what it meant, if you want to both make an effort at seeing each other more often or whether he wants to keep it casual/the same as it has been..but now probably with 'benefits' until one of you is in a relationship again. Though I would put it as whether you both want to keep casual, obvs i know your side but unless you want to tell him your stance and wait for his reaction then talk about it all as needing for both of you to decide what you want.

    Unless out of all this your question is really is it cheeky to ask to stay with him again just to have free accommodation on a holiday - in which case he could mistake it for what i just did and youd need to have a proper all out talk anyway.
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    To be honest I'm gonna go again in a few months whether he provides a room or not - it would just be nice to see him (and obviously stay with him) as we both seemed to enjoy each others company a lot.

    As for starting something that is more of a relationship - don't see the point as we're thousands of miles apart and in different countries and he'll never move back here and as much as I'd love to, I probably won't move out there. So I'm quite happy with friends with benefits - all I'm really wondering is if it's too soon to see him again and should I believe him when he's saying these nice things all the time. He was so loving when I was with him it kinda makes me think yes, but obviously not in a permanent way. I just hope he wasn't putting it on. Blimey, when I'm writing this it seems like my confidence is waaaay low.

    At least he wasn't repulsed after not seeing me for a year or 2!!
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    (Original post by jmarky)
    To be honest I'm gonna go again in a few months whether he provides a room or not - it would just be nice to see him (and obviously stay with him) as we both seemed to enjoy each others company a lot.

    As for starting something that is more of a relationship - don't see the point as we're thousands of miles apart and in different countries and he'll never move back here and as much as I'd love to, I probably won't move out there. So I'm quite happy with friends with benefits - all I'm really wondering is if it's too soon to see him again and should I believe him when he's saying these nice things all the time. He was so loving when I was with him it kinda makes me think yes, but obviously not in a permanent way. I just hope he wasn't putting it on. Blimey, when I'm writing this it seems like my confidence is waaaay low.

    At least he wasn't repulsed after not seeing me for a year or 2!!
    I just hope he knows how you feel, what if he thought there was more to it? 6 years of seeing each other, keeping in contact, then when youre both eventually single - hes 'so loving' and all you want is a fling a few times a year when you go out there...so does it really matter if what he was saying was true as long as he wants to be with you a couple of weeks out of 52?
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    Ohhh you're making a lot of sense, thanks! When I say I don't want anything more, its because we're in different countries - is there any point in getting attached?

    He was loving - that is actually him saying that when we were lying on the sofa...don't think he'd want more though. He's been hurt in the past - he told me all of that. And he lives in Tenerife - why would he want a something more serious?!

    I just hope he wasnt putting it on, an act, that's all. I guess this is my confidence problems again. You think keeping in contact for 6 years means something too?
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    (Original post by jmarky)
    Ohhh you're making a lot of sense, thanks! When I say I don't want anything more, its because we're in different countries - is there any point in getting attached?

    He was loving - that is actually him saying that when we were lying on the sofa...don't think he'd want more though. He's been hurt in the past - he told me all of that. And he lives in Tenerife - why would he want a something more serious?!

    I just hope he wasnt putting it on, an act, that's all. I guess this is my confidence problems again. You think keeping in contact for 6 years means something too?
    Yeh, why would a jerk bother to keep in contact with someone for 6 years cos youd probably realise they were a jerk during that time.

    Being in different countries is a big thing but plenty of people meet long-term partners on holiday (e.g. Danni Minogue) or online etc. Its not the be all and end all and neither of you would have to move now, people want something more serious/get more attached simply because they do, they have strong feelings for someone regardless of location. Youre not exactly 16 year olds who met, hung out for 2 weeks then begged their parents to let the other one moved in. But if you dont think it could be serious or have those emotions for him or vice versa then you dont.
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    Thanks for that you have been very helpful - I am fairly comfortable with the fact that he isn't a jerk and he genuinely likes me...at least as a friend!
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    (Original post by jmarky)
    Thanks for that you have been very helpful - I am fairly comfortable with the fact that he isn't a jerk and he genuinely likes me...at least as a friend!
    The fact that he's kept in contact shows that he likes you.. Let him know that you're coming out to Tenerife again and you'd be quite happy to meet up again if he's got some time on his hands/a few days free.. Don't say that you WANT to meet up 'cos it'll put pressure on him and you'll seem clingy. If it seems like he's meeting up with you 'cos YOU want to, it'll seem less of an attractive idea.. When he has the choice in it, it'll let him realise it's something HE wants, and that it's not just you benefitting from the situation..
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    Good plan....I just don't want him to think I'm freeloading or at the same time desperate to see him!! AAARRGGHHHHH!!!!!
 
 
 
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