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    (Original post by RamsFanNo1)
    I would personally say neither of the two options. Stay with him and tell him, whats the point in breaking up with him for no reason, thats the worst feeling ever being dumped and not knowing the reason why. Surely that will hurt more?!
    As I am a guy, who has been cheated on I can tell you it hurts, its possibly the worst feeling you could ever go through, but if hes that much in love with you and he trusts you then he will understand that it was a silly mistake, forgive you and you can get on with your lives. However, if you feel this could happen again then I urge you, do not under any circumstances get back with him because thats the icing on the cake! Like I said I was cheated on and I gave the girl a second chance, but when that person cheate don my again, its enough to completely break you. Luckily for me I was young and not madly in love, but as for him I can honestly say it would destroy him completely.
    Hope I have been able to shed some light on your situation
    Because OP doesn't want to have her boyfriend do the breaking up. She KNOWS a breakup is the right path to take, so she'd rather do it herself. Personally, I think that's selfish. I think the boyfriend deserves the right to break up with her (to do the breaking).

    Trust? What kind of idiot would trust the OP after making those kinds of mistakes? That's ridiculous. That being said, there ARE some idiots who would take being cheated on and not break up (and then give back their trust to their cheat of a partner).

    In that case, there will still be bitterness. Either way, the healthy relationship is over. As I said, the minuscule decisions do not affect the relationship as much as what's already been done: the cheating.

    Most likely game over. Hope the OP learns her lesson and suffers enough to never forget what she's done.

    @OP:
    If it's any consolation, if you have any feelings for that boy you slept with, I'd assume that he and his girlfriend will someday split as well.

    Then you two can get together and live happily ever after!
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    (Original post by emilina)
    pardon? when did i say or do any of that? :curious:
    Sorry, thought you were Toaster Leavings.
    If I offended you, I'm sorry.

    To be fair, I still think this girl (OP) deserves the rampant criticism.
    She has to learn from her mistakes, and to do that, she must know the weakness of her character.

    And to hammer it into her head, she must know how it feels to lose so much because of the lack of control over her actions.

    I still stand by my statement: What she does now can basically do nothing for her relationship. It was ruined the moment she let her recklessness take over her.

    Silly irresponsible drunks :P . Should have drank with good friends (who are girls) to watch out with you, or drink less or not at all!
    Too bad :yep: . If I ever cheated, I would want a bashing. A rough one.

    I'd deserve it, and I'd know the criticism and facing the consequences would help me learn and ultimately improve as a human being.
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    OK, babe, some advice from someone who knows EXACTLY how you feel. Been there, done that, got the tshirt.

    First of all, its probably been said before and i swear it is the gods honest truth, if you don't tell him he will find out, it may be days, months, years but he will, believe me honey. My boyfriend found out in the worst way possible, the look of genuine pain on his face made me feel like i wanted to curl up and die, he punished me. Which i totally deserved, but guess what, he's still my boyfriend and we're are now discussing marriage.

    My story is rare i know but it may give you a little faith. If you decide to tell him (cos none of us can make this decision for you) be honest, stress how much of a mistake it was and how much you hate yourself for it. He may take you back he may not. If he doesn't, dont worry, it wasn't meant to be, don't beat yourself up, cry it out and move on.
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    (Original post by Ken321)
    Because OP doesn't want to have her boyfriend do the breaking up. She KNOWS a breakup is the right path to take, so she'd rather do it herself. Personally, I think that's selfish. I think the boyfriend deserves the right to break up with her (to do the breaking).

    Trust? What kind of idiot would trust the OP after making those kinds of mistakes? That's ridiculous. That being said, there ARE some idiots who would take being cheated on and not break up (and then give back their trust to their cheat of a partner).

    In that case, there will still be bitterness. Either way, the healthy relationship is over. As I said, the minuscule decisions do not affect the relationship as much as what's already been done: the cheating.

    Most likely game over. Hope the OP learns her lesson and suffers enough to never forget what she's done.

    @OP:
    If it's any consolation, if you have any feelings for that boy you slept with, I'd assume that he and his girlfriend will someday split as well.

    Then you two can get together and live happily ever after!
    Ok what she did was totally wrong and to be honest I would struggle to make things work if I was cheate don, but she needs to tell him. There is still a chance that things could work again, don't just exclude that completely. Even the kindest and most loveable people make mistakes and its up to the person it had hurt to decide what to do so please OP tell him, he deserves to know and whatever he does good luck. You made a mistake, a drunken mistake and we all make these mistakes, if you are punished for this mistake then I'm afraid to say you deserve it, but as far as im concerned I really do hope everything works out for you and him
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    (Original post by hippieglitter)
    OK, babe, some advice from someone who knows EXACTLY how you feel. Been there, done that, got the tshirt.

    First of all, its probably been said before and i swear it is the gods honest truth, if you don't tell him he will find out, it may be days, months, years but he will, believe me honey. My boyfriend found out in the worst way possible, the look of genuine pain on his face made me feel like i wanted to curl up and die, he punished me. Which i totally deserved, but guess what, he's still my boyfriend and we're are now discussing marriage.

    My story is rare i know but it may give you a little faith. If you decide to tell him (cos none of us can make this decision for you) be honest, stress how much of a mistake it was and how much you hate yourself for it. He may take you back he may not. If he doesn't, dont worry, it wasn't meant to be, don't beat yourself up, cry it out and move on.
    You cheated on your boyfriend, and did you TELL HIM? If so, then you're a good person (for the latter half of my first sentence).

    The OP needs to learn from you and face the consequences, WHATEVER they are.

    (Original post by RamsFanNo1)
    Ok what she did was totally wrong and to be honest I would struggle to make things work if I was cheate don, but she needs to tell him. There is still a chance that things could work again, don't just exclude that completely. Even the kindest and most loveable people make mistakes and its up to the person it had hurt to decide what to do so please OP tell him, he deserves to know and whatever he does good luck. You made a mistake, a drunken mistake and we all make these mistakes, if you are punished for this mistake then I'm afraid to say you deserve it, but as far as im concerned I really do hope everything works out for you and him
    Definitely. GREAT people can make mistakes. But to cower from facing up to the consequences by not telling (which OP is weighing as an option!) is pathetic and atrocious.

    Very well said, hippieglitter.
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    contrary to what a lot of these are saying...you HAVE to tell him! honesty is ALWAYS the best policy no matter what. I know because i cheated on my boyfriend...like you i was VERYYYY VERRRYYYY drunk and i kissed another guy in a club...the second i clocked onto what i was doing, i ran out and called the bf to tell him. yes we split up for a month and one HELL of a month it was with basically all of the college in my town hating me because hes a really popular guy...but now were back together and 6months later still going strong. and even though it hurt him so bad, if he loves you a lot which it certainly sounds like you're boyfriend does, in time he should get over it and learn to trust you again. but once he does DONT LET HIM DOWN AGAIN!! ive stopped drinkin so much now and go out with him a lot more so maybe you should do the same.
    i definitely think you should tell him though because my best friend has cheated on her boyfriend numerous times and even though he never found out, she HAD to break it off because it was eating away at her.
    so in short, even though the truth hurts, i think you definitely owe him that at least...even if you do break up theres hope you get back together again.
    hope it all works out for you because you seem genuinely lovely
    good luck!!xxx
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know I'm going to get so much abuse for this, which I deserve.

    I got very very very very drunk last week (I don't remember going to his room) and slept with one of my friends who was also pretty drunk. I am absolutely distraught about it, I have cried on and off the past week, can't sleep and don't know what to do. I'm not saying this for sympathy but just so you realise I'm not taking this lightly. Nobody will find out as the guy I slept with has a girlfriend too so he won't tell anyone.

    What's hurting the most is how it would ruin my boyfriend if I told him - I just can't. He would never trust a girl again (even a faithful one) and it's not fair to make somebody else suffer like that. So I can't tell him.

    My 2 options are to stay going out with him and pretend it never happened. Or to break up with him and not tell him the real reason.

    Please help me. I love him so much, we have been together for years and have an amazing relationship - whatever people say you can cheat on someone you love that much. We could easily end up getting married, except for my stupid stupid mistake which I know I have to pay for.

    Help from people who aren't just going to tell me I'm a *****/whore/slut/deserve to die would be really appreciated.

    Don't sidestep the 3rd option- admit what you did and take what you deserve. Its not about him "not being able to trust anyone again" thats ridiculous you need to tell him what you did and why it happened, you can make any excuse you want you can't get away with what you did.
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    (Original post by MHorman)
    Option 3: Tell him the whole story and hope that he gives you another chance....
    Tell him now, because the truth will inevitably come out sooner or later and he will probably be even more hurt that you kept this from him and played him for a fool. Not to mention that he may become suspicious of whether you had cheated on him again. The sooner you get it all out the sooner you can start putting your mistake behind you, instead of worrying all the time.
    • #3
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know I'm going to get so much abuse for this, which I deserve.

    I got very very very very drunk last week (I don't remember going to his room) and slept with one of my friends who was also pretty drunk. I am absolutely distraught about it, I have cried on and off the past week, can't sleep and don't know what to do. I'm not saying this for sympathy but just so you realise I'm not taking this lightly. Nobody will find out as the guy I slept with has a girlfriend too so he won't tell anyone.

    What's hurting the most is how it would ruin my boyfriend if I told him - I just can't. He would never trust a girl again (even a faithful one) and it's not fair to make somebody else suffer like that. So I can't tell him.

    My 2 options are to stay going out with him and pretend it never happened. Or to break up with him and not tell him the real reason.

    Please help me. I love him so much, we have been together for years and have an amazing relationship - whatever people say you can cheat on someone you love that much. We could easily end up getting married, except for my stupid stupid mistake which I know I have to pay for.

    Help from people who aren't just going to tell me I'm a *****/whore/slut/deserve to die would be really appreciated.
    I did the exact same thing, I got very very drunk, and ended up in bed with someone else.
    What I decided was to not tell my boyfriend, I didn't see the point in hurting him over it, and a couple of days later he broke up with me anyhow for a stupid reason.
    These days we are just becoming friends again and he still doesn't have a clue, and in my view that's the best option. You can swallow the guilt.

    This other guy is now my long-term boyfriend, and my previous boyfriend was abusive, so I think in a way the cheating wasn't a bad thing, as it showed me a way out of the relationship.
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    (Original post by bumblebee333)
    contrary to what a lot of these are saying...you HAVE to tell him! honesty is ALWAYS the best policy no matter what. I know because i cheated on my boyfriend...like you i was VERYYYY VERRRYYYY drunk and i kissed another guy in a club...the second i clocked onto what i was doing, i ran out and called the bf to tell him. yes we split up for a month and one HELL of a month it was with basically all of the college in my town hating me because hes a really popular guy...but now were back together and 6months later still going strong. and even though it hurt him so bad, if he loves you a lot which it certainly sounds like you're boyfriend does, in time he should get over it and learn to trust you again. but once he does DONT LET HIM DOWN AGAIN!! ive stopped drinkin so much now and go out with him a lot more so maybe you should do the same.
    i definitely think you should tell him though because my best friend has cheated on her boyfriend numerous times and even though he never found out, she HAD to break it off because it was eating away at her.
    so in short, even though the truth hurts, i think you definitely owe him that at least...even if you do break up theres hope you get back together again.
    hope it all works out for you because you seem genuinely lovely
    good luck!!xxx
    People are ******* stupid. Why would they hate you? It's not as if you violated a basic human right.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My 2 options are to stay going out with him and pretend it never happened. Or to break up with him and not tell him the real reason.
    Just so you know, OP, the "two options" that you give yourself are the most selfish, irresponsible, pathetic, and groveling dirt-filled decisions I could ever see out of a cheater.

    Both end in you deceiving him. You're pathetic. EVERYONE here's giving you sympathy by coaxing you to tell him, but they're not bashing you for limiting yourself two decisions which BOTH end up deceiving and not telling the truth to your boyfriend.

    Shame on you. Shame. I hope you're suffering on the inside now. I also hope this suffering will never be free from your mind.

    Coward.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I did the exact same thing, I got very very drunk, and ended up in bed with someone else.
    What I decided was to not tell my boyfriend, I didn't see the point in hurting him over it, and a couple of days later he broke up with me anyhow for a stupid reason.
    These days we are just becoming friends again and he still doesn't have a clue, and in my view that's the best option. You can swallow the guilt.

    This other guy is now my long-term boyfriend, and my previous boyfriend was abusive, so I think in a way the cheating wasn't a bad thing, as it showed me a way out of the relationship.
    While I do not blame you for your predicament and going to someone else because of the abuse you endured, I still think you should have just ended the relationship before you decided to get drunk with another guy.

    Cheating is cheating. Either way, you were dishonorable (though you had more reason, I suppose, but ultimately still dishonorable).

    I hope you've learned your lesson!
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    conclusion.

    most girls will say option 1
    most guys will say option 2

    Maybe i'm taking this too seriously?
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    Tell him, he has the right to know. Otherwise if you just leave him hanging, its not that nice.

    Be truthfull, come out clean, Dont be scared to tell him, if i got cheated on, no matter how hurt i would be, id rather know the real reason, not some lie, im pretty sure anyone would. But then everyone is different.
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    (Original post by Toaster Leavings)
    People are ******* stupid. Why would they hate you? It's not as if you violated a basic human right.
    Because she cheated on her boyfriend, who was good friends and very well known.
    And why the **** are you so frustrated? It's not like the haters violated a basic human right!

    Just as the girl had the RIGHT to cheat on her boyfriend and potentially destroy their relationship, the rest of the college has a RIGHT to hate her based on her actions!
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    (Original post by Ken321)
    You cheated on your boyfriend, and did you TELL HIM? If so, then you're a good person (for the latter half of my first sentence).

    The OP needs to learn from you and face the consequences, WHATEVER they are.



    Definitely. GREAT people can make mistakes. But to cower from facing up to the consequences by not telling (which OP is weighing as an option!) is pathetic and atrocious.

    Very well said, hippieglitter.
    Calling the OP a 'pathetic human being' and another poster a 'good person' based on how they might handle breaking trust in a private monogamous relationship is retarded and religionist - yes, I know you don't follow a religion but you are still spouting religious ethics whether you're aware of it or not. Particularly your section about wanting to be punished in order to be a good person.

    The OP made a private spoken or unspoken agreement and she broke trust and any guilt arising from that is hers to deal with and not for wider society to judge.

    Only if individuals break basic human rights* is it palatable for morality judgements to be made by wider society in my opinion, but I suppose everyone can have their say even if it's dumb.



    *which doesn't include teenagers with partners having one night stands, though from your posts one would be forgiven for thinking so.
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    Tell him, in this case honesty is the best policy and he deserves to know.

    And no, I dont think your a *****/slut/whore etc whatsoever. We all make mistakes and i'm just sorry you have to suffer the consqeuences of this one!

    But once you tell him and its out in the open I promise it will all get better eventually!
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    Well if you can 100% guarantee he would never find out, perhaps it would be best not tell him. What he doesn't know can't hurt him.
    If you can't guarantee this, unfortunately it would be better to just tell him and suffer the consequences.

    Ignore these guys, we all make mistakes, don't beat yourself up about it.
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    It kinda sickens me when people say "don't tell him, no need to tell him it'll just hurt him, you've already caused yourself enough pain". For anybody to think that way is incredibly selfish, and I believe the OP is selfish by ruling out the possibility of telling her boyfriend the truth (because it will hurt her, not him, despite hoe she tries to put it).

    The reason she has caused herself pain is because she deserves it. At least it shows she has a bit of a conscience. And she also deserves the pain of losing the person she loves, in my opinion. Because the pain she has caused her partner is mch, much worse. And people with the "if she doesn't tell him she won't hurt him attitude", I really just don't get it. Even if he never ever found out (which is actually possible and I'm sure has frequently happened in the past) it's just not right. How could you let the person you love live a lie? And in my opinion, once a cheater always a cheater. I do believe that people can change, but if you got drunk and had casual sex, then there's every possibility that you'll get drunk and have casual sex again. In fact it's more than likely. Why would you want to put the person you love through that?

    If you have any decency a all, you will tell him the truth. If he is able to accept it and still wants to be with you, then count yourself very lucky. Although speaking from experience, it'll probably taint the relationship as he won't ever be able to trust you again, not fully. You've shown what you're capable of.


    But if you genuinely really think that telling him will completely ruin his life, then your only option is number 2. Number 1 is in no way protecting anyone but yourself. But like I said, you really should tell him.
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    In my opinion telling him is the selfish way out. Don't ruin your relationship just to clear your uneasy conscience. If you cheated on him because ultimately you don't want to be with him then break up with him. If it was an honest mistake keep quiet.
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    (Original post by Toaster Leavings)
    Calling the OP a 'pathetic human being' and another poster a 'good person' based on how they might handle breaking trust in a private monogamous relationship is retarded and religionist - yes, I know you don't follow a religion but you are still spouting religious ethics whether you're aware of it or not. Particularly your section about wanting to be punished in order to be a good person.

    The OP made a private spoken or unspoken agreement and she broke trust and any guilt arising from that is hers to deal with and not for wider society to judge.

    Only if individuals break basic human rights* is it palatable for morality judgements to be made by wider society in my opinion, but I suppose everyone can have their say even if it's dumb.

    *which doesn't include teenagers with partners having one night stands, though from your posts one would be forgiven for thinking so.
    It's not retarded. OP won't own up to her mistakes and tell her boyfriend (neither of her choices end up telling the truth!).

    And I have the right to bash her for her stupidity. I share the right to post on these forums. Those rights are granted to me upon registration on this forum.

    And it is not 'religious' to tell the truth and face the consequences. The OP is cowering AWAY from telling the truth (as she states in her first post - if you didn't notice or don't know how to read) since BOTH her choices end up in her deceiving her boyfriend.

    RELIGIONIST ethics? This is not religion, idiot. Consequences mean pain. Pain serves as a reminder to prevent further mistakes. The law exists to punish those who commit crime. Those who commit crime and suffer punishment are less likely to commit that crime again. Those who KNOW the law decide not to commit crimes as the consequences are painful.

    People learn from mistakes. By hiding the truth from her boyfriend, she's evading seeing the pain that she'd inflict on her boyfriend. That's cowardice.

    Weakness in character is not to be desired. Their relationship might end, but if she doesn't own up to the consequences and doesn't learn anything, then all of this will be for nothing.

    This has nothing to do with religion. This is an observation of human nature.

    Before you keep spewing your crap, make sure your brain is a functioning tool. I have a distaste for religion as well, but I don't go around spewing hatred of religion wherever I go upon assumptions and suspicions of others.
 
 
 
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