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Being 'the other woman' = moral responsibility for cheating? watch

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    (Original post by Sakura-Chan)
    If you're looking at someone as purely someone to have sex with and nothing more, you'd miss the sex and not the person. The times when you're lonely in bed at night you'd think about the sex and how you miss the rush, not how you want to be cuddled and the scent of his skin etc.

    It's two totally different things, and they can be easy to separate for some people

    lol im just prob a very emotionally orientated person whos likely to get attached :woo:

    i dont think i could seperate the two...:eek:
    i equate sex with love you see...:love:
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    If you know the person has a girlfriend/wife then some of the the moral responsibilty lies with you and you are a horrible person. Why would you want to get with someone who would cheat on their other half?

    More of the blame lies with the guy though but thats still no excuse to have a relationship with him.
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    Yeah, I think part of the responsibility falls to the other woman. I'd feel really really guilty if I broke up an otherwise happy relationship - and besides, if he does it to his girlfriend, he'll probably do it to you. Although I do think most of the responsibility for stopping anything from happening should lie with the person who's actually in the relationship.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't think it's that obvious, there are plenty of different opinions in this thread alone. Why am I to blame when I've never even met his girlfriend? Why do I have any responsibility for someone I don't know and never made any commitment to?

    Would you say even heavy flirting is wrong?
    Here's an analogy: if a person you didn't know was drowning, and you could save them by jumping in the water, would you do it? I'm guessing yes. You could easily walk away from this guy, and prevent this woman from getting hurt for the time being, it's just common decency, and if you've ever been cheated on (I'm guessing you haven't by your ignorance on the matter) you'd know how it feels. I can only say that if you carry this out, I hope karma turns right around and spites you.

    Heavy flirting? I don't know, I guess it all depends how the other person feels about it.
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    (Original post by maxfire)
    Here's an analogy: if a person you didn't know was drowning, and you could save them by jumping in the water, would you do it? I'm guessing yes. You could easily walk away from this guy, and prevent this woman from getting hurt for the time being, it's just common decency, and if you've ever been cheated on (I'm guessing you haven't by your ignorance on the matter) you'd know how it feels. I can only say that if you carry this out, I hope karma turns right around and spites you.

    Heavy flirting? I don't know, I guess it all depends how the other person feels about it.

    your sig is scary :eek3:
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    yes being the other woman is bad, i would never get with a guy knowing he had a gf, im not a skank
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    (Original post by OhNO!)
    If I didn't know her, then she would matter even less. Why on earth would I think that someone who didn't know me, has any responsibility to caretake after my relationship? That's absolutely none of her business whatsoever. I certainly don't interrogate every boy I get off with, or have sex with, as to his relationship status. I assume he's single, why wouldn't you?

    I'm certainly not "cool" with that sort of thing, and I was incredibly pissed off at him. I wasn't pissed off at her though. She didn't know the ins and outs of my relationship, she was in a fairly open relationship herself at the time, and she was under no real obligation to vet my then boyfriend as to how we were set up. We were in an exclusive relationship, which he knew, and it was HIS responsibility not to cheat on me. Not hers.

    She's a lovely person, and a good friend who never aimed to hurt me in anyway, she thought it was all right because my boyfriend allowed himself to be in that situation. He was in wrong, she wasn't.
    It sounds like the relationship in question wasn't a very serious/long term relationship then. Say you had been going out with someone for a good few years, and were engaged/living together etc. Your friend knew this but still went after your boyfriend anyway, would you still be completely okay with that?
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    I think 'What goes around, comes around' applies in this situation.

    If you know that he has a girlfriend, you should have more respect for yourself and for the guy's poor girlfriend. Most of us will have been on both sides of the situation and neither turns out great. I have when I was younger and learnt a lesson.

    Girls need to show each other some respect.

    I personally think it shows what kind of guy he is and it's not someone I'd want to be around. You don't want someone like that as a boyfriend and if that's not what you're looking for then you're hurting some poor girl for meaningless kicks.

    If it's not a sex thing, but you're emotionally involved, the only way it will work is to take a step back and let him work out things with his girlfriend with you aside in my opinion. Then you can be guilt free if he decides to finish her.
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    (Original post by tinktinktinkerbell)
    yes being the other woman is bad, i would never get with a guy knowing he had a gf, im not a skank
    This one's got a head on her.
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    For me, all the blame goes to the person with the partner; they are the one that's supposed to be exclusive and they are the one who shouldn't be letting it happen.
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    (Original post by maxfire)
    This one's got a head on her.

    thank you
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    Oh my God sometimes I forget how young we are on TSR.
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    (Original post by tinywings)
    It sounds like the relationship in question wasn't a very serious/long term relationship then.
    Pardon? I don't really know how feel like you can assume that. We had been together nearly two years at this point, we were each other's first love, and plenty of other 'firsts'. It wasn't massively long-term at that point, but it was definitely a serious relationship, and a big deal to the both of us, especially at the time. The assumption is offensive.

    Say you had been going out with someone for a good few years, and were engaged/living together etc. Your friend knew this but still went after your boyfriend anyway, would you still be completely okay with that?
    It's not a case of being "okay" with it, and if you're trying to make it out like I think cheating is just 'whatever', then you're completely on the wrong path. It's not a case that I thought what happened was fine, it was the fact that I didn't and don't blame her.

    You don't seem to be getting the fact that, it wasn't that I simply wasn't upset or didn't care - I just chose to place the blame with my boyfriend, rather than with my friend who didn't have the responsibility to look after my relationship or maintain fidelity.
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    The blame lies solely on the person who cheats.
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    (Original post by OhNO!)
    Pardon? I don't really know how feel like you can assume that. We had been together nearly two years at this point, we were each other's first love, and plenty of other 'firsts'. It wasn't massively long-term at that point, but it was definitely a serious relationship, and a big deal to the both of us, especially at the time. The assumption is offensive.



    It's not a case of being "okay" with it, and if you're trying to make it out like I think cheating is just 'whatever', then you're completely on the wrong path. It's not a case that I thought what happened was fine, it was the fact that I didn't and don't blame her.

    You don't seem to be getting the fact that, it wasn't that I simply wasn't upset or didn't care - I just chose to place the blame with my boyfriend, rather than with my friend who didn't have the responsibility to look after my relationship or maintain fidelity.
    I assumed that because you said your friend didn't know the in's and out of your relationship, or something along those lines. I guess I just assumed most people wouldn't just go "oh, I thought it was okay!" after messing about with a friends boyfriend who was serious/long term.

    I'm not saying the blame didn't lie with your boyfriend. It's not her responsibility to look after your relationship, but surely it's her responsibility as friend to not do stuff like that? I don't know, I just don't see how anyone can think going with a friends long term boyfriend is acceptable.

    I do get the fact that you were upset, I just don't see how anyone couldn't think it was a bit of a **** move on the friends part. Surely friends don't sleep with other friends boyfriends, no matter how willing the boyfriend is?
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    (Original post by tinywings)
    I assumed that because you said your friend didn't know the in's and out of your relationship, or something along those lines. I guess I just assumed most people wouldn't just go "oh, I thought it was okay!" after messing about with a friends boyfriend who was serious/long term.

    I'm not saying the blame didn't lie with your boyfriend. It's not her responsibility to look after your relationship, but surely it's her responsibility as friend to not do stuff like that? I don't know, I just don't see how anyone can think going with a friends long term boyfriend is acceptable.

    I do get the fact that you were upset, I just don't see how anyone couldn't think it was a bit of a **** move on the friends part. Surely friends don't sleep with other friends boyfriends, no matter how willing the boyfriend is?
    From her position, as someone who was in an open relationship with my boyfriend's best friend (and had been for five years), I can see why she might have made the 'wrong' assumption. But I really don't think it was her issue to work out beforehand. From my point of view, if someone came onto me, I'd generally make the assumption that they knew full well what they were doing and had decided to come on to me anyway. I don't feel any massive need to stop and go, but it's definitely all right with so-and-so, yeah? that's his responsibility.

    I think any anger or resentment towards the other person is misplaced. If it's your best friend, then I can understand why someone might feel betrayed, but with someone I'm not particularly close to? No, they don't know what the inner workings of my relationships are and I don't see why they should.
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    When i was 18, i got involved with a 27 year guy, about 3 months into our relationship, found out he was married (no kids) and had a lover before me which im sure now that he was still with at the time. I think because of stupidity and being naive he would choose me as he kept saying and after a month of still being together, realised that it wasn't gonna happen, so dumped him.

    being the other woman isn't great at all, even though i knew about the wife i thought he would choose me so kept on seeing him, i even met her once but she had no clue, the feeling of guilt, i can never forget and its a big lesson that will stick with me for life.

    i will never get myself into that situation again and for any girl who willingly accepts being the 'other woman' is just setting herself up for a big fall.
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    if i found out my bf had cheated i would blame both him and the ***** he cheated with, if there were no women who were willing to go with taken men then men wouldnt be able to cheat

    ive also cut someone out of my life who got with someone who was taken, cant have skanks in my life tbh
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    (Original post by OhNO!)
    no. and I can say that with confidence because it happened.

    I didn't, never have, and never would think of her as a '*****'. she's my friend.
    With friends like that who needs enemies
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    (Original post by OhNO!)
    I just chose to place the blame with my boyfriend, rather than with my friend who didn't have the responsibility to look after my relationship or maintain fidelity.
    My 'friends' are people who care about me and my well being. Otherwise they would just be acquaintances.
    I struggle to figure how one could trust a friend after they took part in such a betrayal.
    Unless you simply call people 'friends' but don't trust them. Like facebook friends.
    Which would be quite sad way to live.
 
 
 
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