My boyfriend of two years has gone away for 7 months travelling. Before he went we had our last night and morning together and a tearful goodbye.
But the evening I stayed over, he awkwardly gave me this speech about how he 'doesn't want to hold me back' while he's away, that he feels selfish, that I should still 'go out and enjoy myself' and that he doesn't need to know about it and I am 'renounced of any guilt'.
Basically, he was trying to tell me he doesn't want me to feel bad if I cheat while he's away, at some points he even seemed to be encouraging it. At the same time, I could tell he didn't really want to be saying these things (he's usually very protective of me, sometimes to the extent of being a bit clingy), but he said he felt he had to.
Now, of course, I reacted by saying that it was silly and weird and changed the topic. I have never cheated, I love him very much, and he loves me. We are each other's first loves.
However, he's been gone for about a month now, and, tbh, I'm thinking about it, and that simultaneously makes me feel absolutely awful but also slightly excited at the prospect.
I've not really been with any other guy apart from him, and sometimes wonder if I'm missing out on young adult life. My friends have boyfriends for a few months, or are just single and have flings. Basically, I'm wondering whether to use this 'opportunity' or not.
I know I'd feel so guilty, but the curiosity is so strong. There are boys that I know who I think are sweet, and then I think about what being with them would be like and I'm interested, but then I think of my boyfriend and I miss him and feel bad.
Massive ramble, but what would you do in this situation?
Who do you think it is...